The Insecure Woman’s Guide to BlogHer

**  To my non-blogger readers, todays "regular" post is right below this one.  Scroll down and enjoy!  **

So you've decided to attend the BlogHer10 Conference in NYC.

Congratulations!

Going to a conference with 2,400+ other women/people can cause insecurities in anyone, but especially for us writer/blogger types.  (We do like to hide behind our laptops, don't we?)

I thought I'd provide you with some helpful tips to assist you in overcoming your insecurity.

What the Insecure Woman Does in Preparation For BlogHer10: 

•  Go on a crash diet – immediately!

•  Become a Shred-Head or commit to some other exercise plan to lift your ass ASAP.

•  Get botox and/or fillers or whatever you have to do to look better.

•  Buy new clothes, nothing in your closet is remotely adequate.

•  Buy new jewelry, nothing you have sparkles quite enough.  Sparkles are a must!

•  Feel bad about the parties and brand events you haven't been invited to, it's probably because no one likes you.

•  Get a fake tan so your legs look good better in a dress.  (Turn orange like everyone else, you will be in room after room filled with many other orange women!)

•  Whiten your teeth until they nearly fall out.

•  Get a pedicure.

•  Get a manicure.

•  It is definitely time for some new makeup and perfume.

•  Change your mind about the nail polish color you picked and re-polish your nails again.

•  Fill your prescription for Xanax, Zoloft, and/or any other mind altering drugs you can get your hands on.

•  Buy a couple push-up, cleavage enhancing, bras.

•  Start packing days ahead of time and bring more clothes than you can possibly wear "just in case."

•  Pack a flask.

•  Wax your vagina.  (Just ask Avitable!)

•  Buy a net-book because your laptop isn't good enough.

•  Buy a camera so people think you know how to take great photos.

•  It is all about what people think of you, isn't it?

•  Buy Spanx at least one size smaller than you should with the hope it will shrink you down to the size you dream of.

•  Plan what sessions you'll attend, then change your mind at least twenty times before you even arrive at the conference.

•  RSVP to every party you can, even though you can't possibly attend all of them, in an attempt to be "seen" in the company of Very Important Bloggers.

•  Bring a separate suitcase just for your shoes.

•  Tweet repeatedly about everything you think makes you look like a Very Important Blogger yourself.  (This just might make other people admire you more and mask your insecurity.)

What Everyone Should do at BlogHer10: 

•  Be flexible.  No matter how organized you are, or how well you plan, things happen and plans need to be changed.

•  Take lots of showers – NYC is hot and humid!

•  Keep a schedule that works best for YOU.  You have a lot of options. 

•  Pace yourself.  You don't have to go to every.single.thing.

•  Force yourself to step out beyond your comfort zone.  You won't regret it.

•  Get some sleep.  If you run yourself into the ground during the first 24 hours, you won't be able to get the most out of the entire experience.

What NOT to do at BlogHer10:

•  Do not sit down at a table of bloggers and confide to them about that ONE blogger you think is a bitch.  They, most likely, consider her a friend and will immediately tell her what you said.  You will only make yourself look bad.  

•  Do not act like you're still in high school.  You're an adult now.  If you want to be treated with respect, act like one.

•  Do not assume everything is all about you, because guess what?  It's not.  Be flexible, make do with whatever is happening around you at the time, and you will be on your way to a much more enjoyable experience.

•  Do not let yourself get sucked into drama of any kind.  Just say no!

•  Do not kid yourself into believing this conference will make your blog world famous in a weekend.  Instead, take from it what you want/find helpful and most importantly, have fun.

•  I realize you're insecure (that's why I'm writing this post for you), but you must suck it up and actually leave your hotel room if you want to interact with other bloggers.  Interacting with other bloggers is actually quite fun.  Most of us are very nice people, but just like any huge group of people – not everyone in it will be a perfect friend-fit for you.

•  Do not push, shove, run, or act like a greedy whore in your attempt to snag-the-swag at events.

•  Do not convince yourself the goal of BlogHer is to rub elbows with Very Important Bloggers in hope their fame rubs off on you.  

Networking and talent are two separate entities.  

•  Do not bitch/whine/complain because, honestly, no one wants to hear it.  An incredible amount of work and effort goes into a conference like BlogHer.  If everything isn't 100% to your liking, keep it to yourself.  If you want to see changes, volunteer to help next year so you have more input.

© Twenty Four At Heart

16 Responses to “The Insecure Woman’s Guide to BlogHer”

  1. Christi

    Um, what does it mean if I’ve done almost everything you listed for the insecure woman? : )

  2. di

    “Very Important bloggers”?? You’re kidding, right?

  3. Margaret (Nanny Goats)

    This is awesome! And accurate. And a fantastic reminder for people who are not just insecure but are seriously getting all wound up about this.

  4. Briya

    Wellllll…does it count if I *always* overpack? Or am I REALLY going to have to find a way to fit all of my shoes in my bag?

  5. Pseudo

    I have yet to attend a blogher conference, guess I am waiting until they come to Oahu… You’ll come to that one, right?

  6. Peeved Michelle

    I would add “keep your options open.” THAT is why I RSVPd to every party. I want to have a plan B in case the first one I go to sucks. Same rule applies for sessions.

  7. Di@PowderRoomGraffiti

    Love that last one: ‘Networking and talent are two separate entities’!
    And the other one about burn out – I laughed so much last year that I was hoarse by Day 2! I shall be trying to whisper and giggle politely this year instead of braying like a donkey.

  8. Geekbabe

    Nice post, I’m just focusing on gratitude, a weekend away at a nice hotel in NYC with lots of other folks who share similar passions and I don’t have to cook or wash dishes, it works for me:)

  9. Nancy @ The Wife of a Dairyman

    What fun! I tried to get tickets to the S.F. BlogHer Conference but I was too late…..sold out 🙁 Hopefully next year. Have a great time and I look forward to your photos of the event!

  10. Rob

    Unless you’re prepping for a 24 moment, why have a wax?
    The Purple looks nice.

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