Checking In

I know several of you are worried about me so I wanted to check in.  I will probably ramble a lot.  I apologize in advance.

I've spent the last couple days in a drugged up haze.  

To some of you that may sound fun, but … it's not.

The amount of pain meds I'm using to get through this "episode" would make a junkie proud.

The good news?  Things aren't worse.

The bad news?  Things aren't very good either.

I haven't called Dr. Painless.  I know I should have, but I hate to be that patient … the one calling on a holiday weekend.  He's probably vacationing in Italy anyway.  Or on a yacht.  Or something.

(At least, I envision Dr. Painless doing such things.)

If I haven't improved by Tuesday morning, I'll call him.

Also?

I will definitely ask him what I should do next time things get this bad.

Usually, after a few tough days things will start to improve.  The last several days have been exceptional in a very negative way.

I'm still waiting.  

Any minute now, I'm going to be able to unclench my teeth, right?

My camera sits abandoned.  I swear it's calling my name and begging me to use it.

I know that probably sounds ridiculous to many of you.

"Forget the damn camera, forget about photography," you're probably thinking.

It's my passion – I can't.

I'm wondering if any of you are engineers?  Or know an inventive person?

I think there must be a way to make photography possible for people with one arm/one working arm?  I've tried improvising, I've tried several things …

I think I need someone imaginative to invent something for me.

Wishful thinking …!

Last night, Briefcase forced me to go to the beach.

Yes, he did – at night.

I didn't want to go, and I let him know it in no uncertain terms.  (That says a lot doesn't it?  I always want to go to the beach.)  

I just want to be left alone when I'm in a lot of pain.  Pain makes me quiet in an irritable way.  I retreat into myself.  Sometimes I feel like throwing things too, but I don't.  Also?  I probably CAN'T, because of the whole one-working-arm-and-very-uncoordinated-with-the-other-arm thing.

We got to the beach, and of course my friend Nike was there.

She thought it would be good for me to sit and listen to the waves crash.

So I did.

I sat, wrapped up in a blanket, senses dulled by medication, listening to the waves crash in the night.

It didn't make the pain any better, but it soothed my soul a little.

© Twenty Four At Heart

7 Responses to “Checking In”

  1. Lynda M Otvos

    Good for you, TF, the ocean ranks high on my list of self-soothing techniques, too. I am sorry you are suffering so and send you as warm a hug as you can allow.

  2. A Mom on Spin

    The littlest bit of pain makes me grumpy and cranky.
    Here’s hoping and praying that Tuesday morning comes quickly. . .and with some relief!

  3. Jan

    Suzanne, call Dr. Painless – just do it. I’m thinking about you, and also sending you warm, albeit gentle, hugs.

  4. Jason

    Thanks for the update. You hang in there.
    And I would NEVER tell you to just put the camera down.

  5. Joy

    Such good friends, to drag you to the beach so that your soul can find some solace.
    I hope that you find some relief soon. 🙂

  6. Linda Tustin

    (((hugs)))) avoiding painful shoulder of course… 🙁

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