* You've been absolutely awesome with name suggestions for my new website. Comments on yesterday's post are still open and remember – I am giving away a $100 Amazon gift card. For details go here! *
Some of you follow me on Twitter, and others of you don't.
Twitter is a different world where you get little bits of information here and there about people. There are days when I'm not on Twitter much, and other days when I get quite chatty.
Lately, it seems like I've been on a bit of a roll. Even if you do follow me on Twitter, chances are you haven't read all of my stellar 24 moments.
Here is an assortment of some recent and random tweets I thought might make you smile:
• Do massive quantities of steroids make a person hungry? Because holy shit I just ate the entire couch!
• Someone just asked me how much money I make. Don't most adults know better than to ask someone shit like that? Rude, rude, rude.
• There is not enough coffee in the world for the first morning of the school year.
• I swear to God, I can attract a pervert from 1,000 miles away.
• Dear Newport Beach – You might be shallow, but you're sure pretty.
• Driving down PCH because? I can.
• My pain doc is not afraid to drop F bombs right and left when talking to me. Makes me laugh and it makes him real.
• As in, "You really need a f*cking photo assistant." Ha! : )
• In order to have a f*cking photo assistant, first I'd have to make some f*cking money selling my f*cking photos.
• So Dr Painless & I also discussed the merits of implanting vibrating electrodes in me.
• Do you really want to know what direction that conversation took?
• I'm so filled with snark today I need to clamp my jaw shut to keep myself out of trouble.
• An outright sexcicle. Sort of like a popsicle for sex. #WhatAmIsaying?
• I'm walking around the house w/one boob hanging out and the other in my bra. Waiting for topical pain med to dry on my arm/shoulder.
• There's nothing like a brand new tube of mascara to make a girl feel pretty. *flutters eyelashes*
• Dear Money Town Car Wash – someone should make a sitcom out of you.
• The bulb on my baster just popped and then exploded. #SoundsDirty #Cooking
• My iPod is hissing at me. I take that as a very bad sign …
• I wore an apron today for probably the first time in my life. A red one. Do you ever wear an apron? #TalkingAboutCookingNotSex
• I love when "important" people visit my blog for the first time on a day when I'm discussing my friend's period. Sheeeeeeet!
• Seriously asshole? I'm not giving you a text link on my blog for 30 bucks. Try again.
• When you hug a physical therapist friend he will instantly appraise your bum arm whether you want him to or not. #OneArmedHugs
• When I "clean" it involves a lot of shoving stuff into cupboards and drawers. #NotSoDomestic
• Dear Drug Companies: Please make a steroid drug for pain that will not destroy my body and cause cancer. It will make you rich. Thanks.
• My FIL who doesn't know about 24 or photo business suggested I might consider a career as a photographer since I "take good pictures" : )
• Some guy kept taking pics of me down at the surf contest. Really weird. He must have been attracted to my big lens.
• Uncontrollable and sudden urge for popcorn. We have NO popcorn in the house.
• Told my husband I would do *anything* for popcorn but he isn't getting the hint!
• Men? You are so dense sometimes. Sex for a popcorn run is a good DEAL!!
• He's watching football. I don't think he hears what I'm proposing ….
• He's searching the pantry for popcorn. He still DOESN'T GET what I'm saying.
• OK I finally said, "SEX FOR POPCORN" and he said "What?" Now he's getting his wallet and going to the store.
• Guess I'm getting laid tonight. Sheesh … the work you men makes us go through! : )
• The popcorn is popping – and that's not a euphenism
• Buttering the popcorn …. #SoundsSoDirty
• He doesn't know I'm on twitter. Did I mention I added salt?
[Thus began a flurry of sex/popcorn jokes for a few days on Twitter]
• Wearing my body brace for my arm/shoulder. I look like a stuffed boobless sausage. #Sexxaay #NotAtAllActually
• On the other hand, do sausages EVER have boobs? I think not.
• I'm tweeting with a surfing dog. What has become of my life?
• My husband & I are arguing over the thermostat. This f*cking body brace makes me hot. He says it's freezing and I'm sweating. Ugh!
• I just told him Twitter thinks he should put on a sweater. It must be very exasperating to be married to me. : )
• OK, I just took my brace off and guess what? It's freezing in this house! #PoorMan #NotMyFault #BraceIsLikeAwetsuit
• I think I'm a pain in the ass tonight. Now I wigged out over a big hairy spider in the shower and made him kill it #SpidersHaveTooManyLegs
• Something bit me. Repeatedly. And no, it was not my husband.
• There are few things in life as nasty as eating a rotten nut #ThatsWhatSheSaid
• I don't understand men who "expose" themselves. Do they really think we want to see their winky-dink?
© Twenty Four At Heart