Um, Hello?

So, I was staring at my blank laptop screen thinking to myself, "Do I tell my readers friends about THIS or do I tell them about THAT today?  Or maybe I should come right out and tell them THE STORY ABOUT YOU KNOW WHAT instead?"

The thing is, I'm not good at bluffing my way through anything.

My stomach is in knots.

Knots!

The situation is this:

1)  I've been having a really bad pain flare-up.  Except, I don't know if you call it a "flare-up" when my arm/shoulder/adjoining parts have hurt like hell ever since the removal of my temporary arm implant.  It has NOT been fun.  

I guess my body didn't like that whole implant in/implant out of my arm process.  The positive aspect of all this pain is it makes me feel quite sure I want to go through with Surgery #8.  If my arm was feeling better, I'd probably be having a zillion doubts about the surgery.

2)  I normally, no matter what, only allow myself (at most) one pain pill a day.  If I took them whenever I'm hurting I'd have become addicted a long time ago.  The only exceptions (in my imaginary book of pain med rules) are right after surgeries or when I get to the point where I feel like throwing things because I'm literally "losing it" from pain.  (Like when I got back from Boston last summer – ugh!)  

By the way, these are my personal rules, not my doctor's.  He's quite comfortable with me taking more pain meds than I do, but I'm not comfortable with it.  This last week I've been taking TWO pain pills a day … still not a lot by my doctor's standards but it's enough to mess with my concentration for writing.

3)  Next Tuesday is my 24th birthday, again.  This upcoming birthday is contributing to the knots in my stomach.  I'm not a big fan of my own birthdays.  I usually host a giveaway on my birthday, but this year I have to postpone the giveaway.

Haircut

4)  The above photo is not an intentional cleavage shot.  It's not easy to take your own photo with one working arm.  It's also not easy for me to NOT have cleavage.  I needed a little photoshop help with the eye bags wrinkles in celebration of my almost 24th birthday.  Photoshop is cheaper than plastic surgery, I suppose.

5)  In case Halloween weekend wasn't already busy enough, Briefcase has told me he's whisking me away on Saturday night as an early birthday celebration.  I'll tell you (almost) all about it next week.  *wink*

6)  My birthday is next TUESDAY and my surgery is at 6 a.m. on WEDNESDAY.  (Stomach knots, stomach knots …. aaack!)  And yes, the surgery is the reason why I'm postponing my usual birthday giveaway.  I'll be in no shape to pick a winner or get a prize/gift out.

7)  The holidays are really (!!) important to me and with Surgery #8, and a two month recovery, ahead of me I'm already having some a lot of anxiety about how I'm going to do everything this year.  (stomach knots!)

8)  I'm not looking forward to putting my life on hold again due to another surgery.  I wouldn't be going forward with the whole thing if I didn't believe the outcome will be positive, but still ….  I have to do this again??  Dread!  (stomach knots, stomach knots!!)

9)  I'd be lying if I didn't admit I'm scared.  I've been to hell before, and I don't want to go back.  I don't think (??) this surgery will be as bad as what I've gone through in the past, but my doctor has led me to believe it isn't going to be easy.  (So many stomach knots!)

10)  I apologize for whining and sharing all my anxieties with you.  Thank you for letting me vent.  I know, in my brain, everything will be fine.  My doctor is ranked #1 in the world for this procedure.  I couldn't be in better hands.  Unfortunately, knowing he's a great doctor doesn't make the fear and anxiety go away.  (I think a lot of the emotions involved are tied to the not-so-distant memories of the last seven surgeries!)

P.S.  Yesterday I got a pre-surgery pedicure and my toenails are now polished with OPI's William Tell Me About It.  I love it!  Now, I just need to find panties to match so I don't clash on surgery day!  (Do other people think about things like panty/toenail polish clashing for surgeries??)

P.P.S.  Sorry for overdoing the parentheses and exclamation points and blah, blah, blahing in this post!!  (( !! ?? ))

P.P.P.S.  I hope everyone has a safe and fun Halloween weekend!

© Twenty Four At Heart

21 Responses to “Um, Hello?”

  1. Jack

    If you weren’t worried/anxious about the surgeries I’d be concerned about how many pills you had taken. The next birthday has its moments, because turning 28 is hard, but it could be harder.
    Or to quote an old friend, the only hard thing I want in my life is best left to our imagination. I think that she wanted it sound like some sort of wise, double entendre, but it never really worked for her. Don’t think that it works for me either, but I don’t care.
    Have a happy Halloween.

  2. Michelle

    “but my doctor has led me to believe it isn’t going to be easy.” I’m glad, because then it may not be as bad as you think. Whereas if he had said it would be easy it would hit harder.
    Praying for your knots! And hope you have a super special awesome weekend with Briefcase 😉

  3. Ginger

    Your birthday is next Tuesday? *Waves* Hello, fellow Scorpion! I knew there was something I liked about you.
    I’m sorry to hear you’re having so much anxiety. Hopefully you’ll be so busy celebrating with the hubby, that you won’t have much time to worry.

  4. Linda M

    Having had two similar surgeries on my foot, you’d think I would have been calm and serene the second time, since I had an idea what to expect. Nope–no way. It was a good weight loss plan, though, because every time I tried to eat in the two weeks before, I thought I would throw up which made me not want to eat!
    I think your reactions are not only perfectly normal, but absolutely reasonable & rationale. IF you can, put it in a “box in your mind” for the weekend, reminding yourself you can pull it out later (AFTER you have some fun & relaxing times).
    You will be in my thoughts!!!!

  5. Linda M

    Having had two similar surgeries on my foot, you’d think I would have been calm and serene the second time, since I had an idea what to expect. Nope–no way. It was a good weight loss plan, though, because every time I tried to eat in the two weeks before, I thought I would throw up which made me not want to eat!
    I think your reactions are not only perfectly normal, but absolutely reasonable & rationale. IF you can, put it in a “box in your mind” for the weekend, reminding yourself you can pull it out later (AFTER you have some fun & relaxing times).
    You will be in my thoughts!!!!

  6. linda

    OK. Breathe. You’re making me nervous! Wish I was closer not only for the actually surgery but for the recoop time too but I know you have family & friends close by to help you when you need them. Don’t be afraid to ASK them for help!! Will be thinking of you on Tuesday AND Wednesday. Hang in there. The results are going to be awesome!!

  7. di

    Stay strong, Girl. No wonder all the pain lately. Your arm has gone through shock with the first surgery and now this one for the final implant. Good things take time as you well know. I’ll be thinking of you and GOSH, hope the birthday celebration is fabulous. Good husband’s are just the best!
    Di

  8. Jenny in MN

    Ditto on the pain pill thing for me. However, you are aware of the amounts you use. If you need them, take them. In a couple of months your body can settle down and you won’t need as much, right?! Hopeful.
    Happy almost birthday! What an interesting way to spend your birthday. hmmm… You have actually been on my mind a lot lately regarding your surgery. I’m nervous for you. It is so hard to walk into a situation you know is such a miserable process. Been there/done that. Anyone who hasn’t been through a surgery or a repeat surgery will have a bright outlook. My hubby would always tell me, you’ll be fine. Grumble.
    Maybe this year you will have to slow down a bit but next year you can have a spectacular holiday season AND birthday! Enjoy your weekend. Hang tough and tell your brain and tummy to chill. ha!

  9. DuchessOmnium

    Venting is very healthy… Have a lovely getaway with Briefcase! I’ll be thinking of you Tuesday AND Wednesday.

  10. Lori

    (((((24))))) I completely understand your anxiety’s and fears….and the reasons for not taking more pain pills…I pray and wish the best for you…I think it’s neat your husband is taking you away to celebrate this weekend…something to keep your mind on something more pleasant. Happy Birthday early. Sending you much love, hugs and positive thoughts. XX Lori

  11. Tami

    Being nervous, anxious, scared is NORMAL. I’d be concerned if you weren’t, especially after all you’ve been through. Don’t beat yourself up for reacting the way normally for what you’re going through. I’m glad you’ve got a busy and fun weekend ahead of you. Hopefully it will provide a distraction.

  12. Sandi

    I will happily answer your question for you, yes, you are the only one who thinks about matching your polish to your panties!

  13. MFA Mama

    Surgery is scary. I second whoever said they’d be more worried about your pain pill consumption if you weren’t scared silly! I’m hoping this is everything you’re hoping for, with a surprisingly smooth recovery. Hang in there, lady 🙂

  14. Kelly

    I’ve always been of the belief that doctors should give xanax to all their patients for the week prior to surgery. Who wouldn’t be a basket case? Especially with all you’ve gone through Suzanne. Hugs to you!

  15. Crystal

    Amazing! We have the same birthday!!
    Thank you so much for sharing your stories with us ‘readers’. I have passed yours off to my mom who suffers from similar afflictions due to three car accidents within one year. And knowing that you have potential salvation has put her in the research mode for herself (all her pain is back).

  16. Sandra

    Tummy Knots are the worst. I think all they’re good for is losing weight since I don’t eat as much. 🙂
    Have a great time with Briefcase.

  17. Alexis from the MN

    Yup…B-R-E-A-T-H-E…long and slowly. In through your nose, out through your lips. THAT much you can control, the rest you gotta trust the doc. Kudos on your pain pill regimen; that’s a hard balance to strike and keep. Hang in there – you’re doing GREAT!
    And, a tip ‘o the hat to Briefcase for whisking you away…well done man!!
    And, a tastefully done décolleté never hurt anybody!

  18. Jason

    Sigh. Another surgery. I’m so bummed for you. On your 24th birthday!
    Look on the bright side. At least you’ve got a great rack.

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