Surgery #7

I'm nervous.

Scared.

Logically, I know it really doesn't make sense.  

And yet, I understand why.  I have memories, lots and lots of bad, very painful, memories.  They're rushing through my mind no matter how much I try to make them stop.

The never-ending car accident saga continues ….

Last week I, finally, got notification my insurance had approved the first of two spinal stimulator implant surgeries.  The surgery date got changed a few times.  Then I was out of state for a few days.  When I returned Sunday night there was a message my first (actually seventh!) arm/shoulder surgery is scheduled for Wednesday at 6 a.m.  

As in – today!

Briefcase is out of town, of course.  

I panicked.

I've been frantically making arrangements to provide transportation for my youngest son for the next couple days.  (This happens to be MY week to drive morning carpool, etc., etc.)  To say I've been running around like a chicken with its head cut off (trying to make all the "necessary pre-surgery arrangements") doesn't come close to describing the frantic pace of the last two days. 

Stressaack!

As for my transportation?

I'm driving TO the surgery in a limo.

I kid you not!

How OC is THAT?

And no, I don't normally use limousines for transportation.

My husband's employer frequently uses a local driving service and I begged them for a 5 a.m. ride to the surgery center.  (Yes, I DO have to pay them but they don't normally do small jaunts like this.)

What does this morning's limo ride to my surgery mean?

1.  My life is pathetic.

2.  You can't ask even the best of friends to be up before 5 a.m.

3.  My life is pathetic.

4.  There are no taxis near Money Town.

5.  My life is pathetic.

Nike will be waiting for me once I'm done and she'll bring me home.  She's the best.  I owe her eternal gratitude.

This surgery is considered a "trial" of the electrodes.  They're surgically placed in my body on a temporary basis.  The second, more permanent (and more extensive), surgery will not take place unless this one is successful.  Successful means an approximate 50% reduction in pain.  The goal is not to be pain-free (that would be unrealistic at this point, I suppose), but to be able to live my life more comfortably, with the need for fewer drugs and with less intense pain flare-ups.  

I've been told I will be "out of it" from the sedation a good deal of today, and sore from the surgery itself "for awhile."  

It's times like these when I wish I had a "normal" marriage with a husband who, you know – was here for important moments in my life like surgeries.

I know, I've been through surgeries much worse than this.  This is the more minor, first, step of this process.  Logically, I know all of these facts … but still – fear has tied my stomach in knots.

It's the idea of the surgery center, the sedation (gag!), the inevitable post-surgical pain … ugh!

Last time I saw Dr. Painless he asked, "Nervous?" and I calmly replied, "Not at all."

I think he was surprised at how calm I was.

Oh, if he could see me now …!

I was perfectly calm THEN.  I was perfectly calm when the insurance approval first came in.  

Now?

I'm a stressed-out basket case!

This is the easier of the upcoming two surgeries … I know that.

No big deal, right?

If this procedure is successful, it could make a huge quality of life improvement for me.

I'm afraid to get my hopes up, but –

Please send good thoughts …

And would you mind holding my hand?

*  I'll try to give you an update on how it went, here on 24, later today.  At the very least, I will post something on Twitter.  This is an outpatient surgery, I'll be home resting this afternoon.  I do intend to have a post up tomorrow, although it might be brief and written under the influence of pain meds.  *

© Twenty Four At Heart

34 Responses to “Surgery #7”

  1. Michelle

    Definitely thinking and praying for you honey.
    Yes, it is a Big Deal! Something that can have a major impact on your well being is a Huge Deal! Glad Nike will be there for you. <3

  2. Lynda M O

    I am holding your hand and telling you funny stories of anesthesia-kookiness and post-op giggling. Stay strong, Suz, know that I am thinking of you…

  3. di

    I’ll be thinking of you all day. I’m so hoping that this works for you and that everything goes smoothly today. I know you’ll be sleeping a lot after you get home from the surgery, both today and probably tomorrow, so won’t be looking to hear from you on your blog until perhaps Friday.
    Take care.
    Hugs,
    Di

  4. Joanne

    poor honey! If I were near you, I would take you at 5 am. I can say that so easily because I am thousands of miles away, but…. poor baby! by the time you read this you will on an entirely different planet.Hope the end result is the one you need. bug hugss

  5. Linda M

    Surgery sucks–especially the “anticipation” of it. Once you get the sleepy juice, it’s all better, for at least a few days! Thinking of you today & wishing for the best possible outcome!

  6. Linda M

    Surgery sucks–especially the “anticipation” of it. Once you get the sleepy juice, it’s all better, for at least a few days! Thinking of you today & wishing for the best possible outcome!

  7. Stephen

    Big hug and smile for you from here. And like everybody else who hangs around here, I will be waiting with Nike for you to finish up in a “virtual” sense.

  8. Jan

    *holding hand* Dear, I would have been more than happy to drive you to the hospital, no matter how early it was.
    (((Suzanne)))

  9. Lisa

    I’ll be thinking of you today. Surgery is stressful, and I don’t blame you for being freaked out. I’m sending you all my happy thoughts!

  10. unmitigated me (m.a.w.)

    The first meds that go into the IV is a light sedation, to help you relax. If it doesn’t work, TELL THEM 24. Big hurdle, eh? Good luck with this first test. Manageable pain is the primary goal. Hopefully, this will work!
    If it doesn’t work, DON’T give up! The good pain doc always has another trick up the sleeve.

  11. tonya cinnamon

    Holds your hands and gives you lots of good wishes and thoughts!
    It will come out beautifully and all will be well.
    Positive outlook ! 🙂
    much hugs!

  12. Jenny in MN

    Sending you great hope and positive thoughts. I would have taken you to the surgery! Wish I was there!
    I know the feeling of not having hubby there for big moments. I have one of those too. As much as you ‘understand’ the why of the situation, it still kinda hurts that work/money come before you when you just need that companionship support.
    At least you can pay for transportation to the facility and have that option. Even though you may feel a bit silly for it – you have an option. I’ve actually lived somewhere where we didn’t have cabs or cars for hire, not even a bus… Then what do you do?
    Focus on short term goals. In a couple of days you won’t feel the way you did on surgery day. Stuff like that. 🙂
    Keep us posted. Good luck!

  13. Linda

    Hand holding, long gentle hugs, ice chip fetching vibes coming your way all day and beyond.

  14. Jenn in Tenn

    Warm wishes and good thoughts your way!! Good luck and God bless Nike for being there for you today! ((HUGS!))

  15. Kristan

    I’ll definitely be thinking of you and sending you my very best vibes. Good luck!!

  16. Siren

    I don’t know how long the surgery is supposed to take but my hope is it’s all over and done now. (I think it’s around 7:30 am your time.) Just want you to know you’ve got someone out here on the east coast thinking of you and rooting for you and sending all kinds of healing thoughts.
    Oh, I so hope this surgery helps. You deserve a break.
    Wishing you all the best.

  17. Sandi

    When you are feeling better I am going to beat your ass! I am serious. I would have happily picked you up and SAT WITH YOU through the entire thing. YOU ARE IN BIG TROUBLE!
    I HATE surgery. I hate IV’s, I hate waking up…. I totally get it and would have happily stood in for your husband.
    I love you and will be thinking about you ALL DAY LONG! I am fifteen minutes away if you need someone to hold the puke bowl this afternoon. I AM SERIOUS!

  18. Pam

    Good luck today! I’ll be thinking of you!
    Take care.

  19. Jill

    Thinking of you!!! Hope all went well and you’re almost home recovering!! x

  20. Tami

    Wishing you hugs, hugs and more hugs and a successful surgery. I so hope this works for you. You’ve gone through way too much. I realize I don’t know the particulars but if my husband wasn’t there for me I think he’d be fired from being my husband. There are priorities in life and then there are PRIORITES. Will keep checking back till I see an update and know you are okay. Much love to you as you recover!

  21. Erica

    Sending the most positive thoughts your way. Keep your chin up and get lots of rest.

  22. DuchessOmnium

    Ohh… good luck… And I was whining about my day (and night) which was spent in middle seats flying across the US and then across the Atlantic.
    I know you have many friends who would get up before 5 to drive you. But I also understand the reserve that makes it hard to ask. Sometimes a limo is better, because it is more anonymous. You pay the fee and give the guy a good tip and you owe him nothing.
    I so hope that something positive comes from yet another surgery. In my newly home, jet-lagged but two armed state I shall be counting my blessings, and thinking of you.

  23. Mandi

    Hope your home by now and not in too much pain. (((Hugs 24)))

  24. Jane

    I know how you feel. I’ve had numerous surgeries too. Thinking good and healing thoughts for you.

  25. Cathy B

    Wishing for a very quick recovery and the best outcome possible for you, 24!

  26. Santa

    Ho ho ho!
    As a traveler for business all my life it never fails that the bad sh*t ALWAYS happens when I was out of town. Good luck with the surgery – hopefully you will get some relief.

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