I have good news and bad news today.
The good news is I only took 1/2 of a pain pill yesterday.
Granted, I'm not using my arm a whole lot yet, but still …! My arm, post-surgery, is weaker than its "normal" weak state. I'm doing daily arm stretches and exercises I learned (once upon a time) at PT. I'm trying to use it as much as I can – and then a bit more so I regain strength in it. I know I have good and bad days ahead of me, but right now I'm ecstatic.
Five weeks post-Make Me A Bionic Woman/Cyborg Surgery and I only needed half of a pain pill!
The bad news is I gained a shitload of weight from the prednisone. I'm going to get on the scale today to see exactly how much, but my skinny jeans don't fit. (And how can I wear my new boots if I don't fit in my skinny jeans?)
Ugh! I know my body and it's very difficult for me to lose weight – I have a lot of work, and a long road ahead of me to get back to where I was before Allergic-Reaction-Surgery#8 happened.
But I will.
In other news, the conversation around me is nonstop weird.
I overheard my son tell a friend the other day he'd have to wait for a ride home.
"I think my mom's turning herself on in the other room right now."
A twitter friend suggested Briefcase might unplug me while I slept if he ever gets mad at me. (Um, he can't – the wires aren't accessible except to a surgeon.)
Nike asked if she could watch me get turned on over a glass of wine. (I let her; we've been friends forever.)
Without a second thought, I've personally said the following in the last two weeks:
• I just malfunctioned.
• I'm changing my frequency.
• I just gave myself an error message, now what?
• My bras straps are causing electrical interference.
• I rebooted myself and got turned on.
• I'm wondering where my tingle went.
• I now have to carry a medical ID card so no one de-magnetizes me.
• I have a low battery. No, really I do.
• I suppose I have a lot of intimate TSA pat downs ahead of me?
• I'll be right back, I need to turn myself back on.
• I think I need to re-balance my electrodes.
• There's a computer in my stomach.
• It's time to recharge my battery.
• I'm going to turn up the intensity next time I turn myself on.
• I have a personal stimulator running inside me.
And last but not least …
I asked Romeo the following:
"Do I have to take my pants off to do it? Or can you turn me on right through my clothes?"
(By the way, he can turn me on right through my clothes.)
© Twenty Four At Heart