Blonde Moments

Do you ever have a month day when you feel really stupid?

As if, perhaps, your IQ is dropping ten points at a time every half hour?


Yesterday morning my iPhone arrived.

To know how excited I was, you'd have to understand how much I've come to hate my Blackberry.  I would have hugged the UPS man, but it wasn't my normal UPS man.  Instead, it was an unknown UPS man who might have been alarmed if I went flying into his arms when I opened the door.  (My regular UPS man is used to all sorts of unpredictable behavior on my part and wouldn't have blinked.)

After he left, I tore into the box, eager to play with my new toy.

The directions informed me all I needed to do was sync the phone to my iTunes library and the phone would be activated.

Go me!

The phone synced (apps loaded, etc.), but the phone itself did not activate.


I called Verizon for help.

A NICE man was instantly on the phone helping me.

I explained the problem to him.

"Hmmmm," he said.

"Exactly!" I replied.

It didn't take long for him to look up my account and say, "Ma'am?  You don't happen to be calling me from your Blackberry right now?"

"Yes, I am," I answered, amazed at how intuitive he was.  (I even forgave him for calling me ma'am – which I hate – because he was SO smart!)

"Well, ma'am you'll have to turn that phone OFF in order for your new phone to activate on that same phone number."


::  Light bulb!  ::

I've got to give him credit for not laughing at me, at least not while I was still on the line with him.


An hour later, I was in a waiting room biding my time until my annual mammogram.

"What a great opportunity to play with my new phone and learn all its tricks," I thought.

I clicked on one app, figured out how it worked, and then moved on to try another.

I got bored quickly and decided to play Angry Birds for awhile until it was my turn to go back for the test.

I've played Angry Birds many times on our iPad.

No big deal, right?

Except the next thing I knew Angry Bird music was BLARING in the (previously) perfectly quiet waiting room.  I didn't know how to silence it.  I didn't know how to turn the phone off.

I basically don't know how my own phone works at all.

And oh yes, you can laugh all you want.  Because you know what I did?  I sat on my phone to try and muffle the Angry Bird music.  Yes, I did.  Sitting on my brand new iPhone only accomplished one thing …

It made it sound like my ass was singing.

I don't even have words to describe the looks I was getting from the other women in the waiting room.  The expression on the face of the nurse who came to call me back for the test was priceless.  As I rose to walk back with her, an iPhone appeared out of my ass with increasingly loud music.

I was so embarrassed.

I kept pushing and touching things on it and eventually it got quiet.  I'm not sure HOW I silenced it, but I did.

Really, you ought to just come walk around with me for a day.

I'm full of unexpected laughs and you'll never be bored.

© Twenty Four At Heart  

13 Responses to “Blonde Moments”

  1. Deidre

    Oh goodness…I know just how this feels. When I got my new phone (you know 3 years ago) – and it isn’t even a fancy phone. It’s got no special skills except talking and texting – and I was sitting in a deadly silent waiting room waiting to go into a lecture. And my phone starting blaring My Humps extremely loudly. I don’t know how. I don’t know why. I don’t even know why My Humps was on my phone. I didn’t know how to turn it off. Turn it down. All I knew was It. Had. To. Stop.
    And I am not even blonde.

  2. Catch the Kids

    Singing ass. That’s priceless. Meanwhile, aren’t iPhones wonderful and isn’t blowing up those pigs THE most satisfying thing ever!

  3. WebSavvyMom

    –>My husband ordered an iPhone and it arrives tomorrow. We have been crackberry users for many, many years so I’m anxious to see if he likes it. My fear is not having the hard buttons to type. I’ll put down the iPad to tweet something on my blackberry just because of the buttons.
    (Also, check out on both Cut the Rope and Cover Orange. You can use the trial on both to see if you like them.)

  4. Pam

    You crack me up! My daughter got a new phone and had put a High School Musical video on it. She goes to a Catholic High School. They were at mass and she bumped her phone and it started blaring High School Musical. 🙂 OMG, she was mortified! Of course they took her phone and I had to go pick it up.
    I would imagine the other ladies in the waiting room got a kick out of you! 🙂

  5. Di

    Getting my mammo tomorrow.. Oh happy day, but there will be no music coming out of my ass.. LOL Only you, Suzanne… only you…

  6. Jan

    Now you make me want to have my ass sing the next time I go to the doctor.
    Anything to make that whole experience even mildly enjoyable…

  7. Karl

    What a talented ass you have! In case you haven’t figured it out, there’s a switch on the left side of your iPhone that silences your phone. Just above the volume buttons.

  8. Amy_in_Stl

    So you called to complain about your new cellphone, while on your phone? Doesn’t Verizon have the announcement that if you’re calling from your cellphone, hang up and call from another phone?

  9. DuchessOmnium

    Every time Americans mention their “annual mammograms” I like to tell them that in the UK you only get mammograms every 3 years, and that doesn’t start until you are at least 50. The way it works is that every woman over 50 in your area gets a mammogram every 3 years, and once you are 50 you get to join the party. Only if your area had a mammogram session just before you turned 50, you don’t get an invitation until the next time the trailer parks up at the local medical centre… So. I turned 57 yesterday. I have had 2 mammograms. I think it is a year or 2 before I get called for the next one.
    Sorry for riding that particular high horse. I probably wouldn’t be nearly so grumpy if I had an iPhone.


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