How to Lose a Reader in One Pedicure

If you've been a reader for a long time, maybe you think I don't stick my foot in my mouth as much as I used to.  (I do!)  Maybe you even think I've stopped embarrassing myself on a regular basis.  (I haven't!)

Maybe you've also noticed I'm not as snarky lately. 

I used to make fun of OC people a lot, but now it seems like a lot of them are reading what I write about them.  It makes me feel … censored.  It kind of takes the fun out of it when I know they're lurking about.

Also?

It's a lot easier to make fun of people when you don't know them.  Most people, no matter how odd they might be, end up being nice once you get to know them.

That being said ….

About two weeks ago I stopped into a Money Town nail salon for a much needed pedicure.  Before you say, "How OC of you!" I'd just like to point out it's not easy to clip your own toenails with your non-dominant hand.  Go ahead, try it.

(And yes, I DID just pull out the I've only got one working arm card to justify getting pedicures.)

In any case, I had been at the salon for awhile when a woman arrived and I began snarky-tweeting about her.  I couldn't resist.  She was approximately 48 years old.  She arrived in The OC Woman Uniform of skin tight clothes, lots of exposed man-made cleavage, and her face botoxed into an unmovable object.  I've taken up the hobby of analyzing what plastic surgery people have had … and this woman?

Well, a better question would be what part of her was remotely real?

So there I was, soaking my feet and relaxing in a massaging chair while snarky-tweeting.  The OC woman was seated in the massaging chair next to me, reading.  Twitter was telling me to take a picture of her.  They especially wanted to see her PIGTAILS.

Yes, PIGTAILS!!

Who wears pigtails when they're 48 years old?

And no, it wasn't like she'd just come from the pool/beach/gym.  It would make (some?) sense if that had been the case.

No, she was dressed all-out to attract an OC man.  Her outfit included high heels and blinged out jewelry – but then … pigtails!

And not only did she have two, short, sticking-straight-out-like-a-little-girl's-pigtails, she had big RIBBONS on each pigtail.

What the hell?

Do OC men have fantasies about 48 year old women with high heels and pigtails and ribbons?  (Dear Gawd, don't answer and please pass the mind bleach!)

I distinctly remember the last time I wore my hair in a similar fashion.  I was in seventh grade which means I was 12 years old.  My best friend and I wore our hair in sticking straight out of our head pigtails with big huge ribbons to be intentionally ridiculous for "twin day" at school.

I was not 48 years old, in high heels, and wearing tons of man-made cleavage topped with pigtails and big fat ribbons in my hair.

Anyway, the women was also loudly insisting the salon use "Oh!-pee!" nail polish on her toes.  What she wanted to request, of course, was OPI (oh-pee-eye) nail polish.  This made me snicker and think I'm a way superior person.  

Of course I am … because really – OH!-PEE! nail polish?

My toes were nearly done drying when the woman who gave me the pedicure (who did not speak English very well) began looking at the tattoo just above my ankle.

"Tw-en-ty Four!" she sounded out triumphantly, and then looked at me questioningly.

Before I could even consider explaining why I have the words "Twenty Four" and a heart tattooed on my leg, I realized I had the sudden and total attention of the pigtailed woman sitting next to me.

Did you ever see The Exorcist?

With the head spinning on the shoulders thing?

Yeah, THAT.

She stared at my tattoo, she stared at me, she began texting and/or tweeting frantically on her phone.  It became immediately clear she recognized me.

Oops?!

I began concentrating intently on my toes.

"I know you," she said.

I smiled demurely and looked away.

What?  You don't believe me?

I can be demure if I try.

"I follow you on Twitter," she said.  "I've read your blog several times!"

"Uh oh!" I thought.  "Not anymore …."

I almost tweeted, "Oh shit, Pigtails follows me on Twitter!" but I didn't.

"Do you have a sense of humor?" I questioned, smiling.

"Yes …?" she replied warily.

I nodded.

"That's good," I said.

And then …

As quickly as I could, I left.

© Twenty Four At Heart 

26 Responses to “How to Lose a Reader in One Pedicure”

  1. Sheppitsgal

    Hahahahahaha!! Busted! Hope she reads it and…
    learns! 🙂 x

  2. unmitigated me

    Time to pick a new nail salon. No need to justify pedicures. A good one is a gift from the gods. Actually, I need to make an appointment, since I am headed to Florida in 24 days!

  3. Jan

    You know I love you – because that sounds just like something I’d do.
    And I agree with unmitigated – no need to justify the pedicure. In fact, Beloved wishes I’d get one. Apparently my heels rival the Rock of Gibraltar.

  4. Pam

    Thanks for my morning laugh! You know you’re going to think of that every time you look at your beautiful pedi now. 🙂 I would imagine she has a good sense of humor since she reads your blog and tweets.

  5. Di

    LMAO… SO BUSTED!! you were SO BUSTED!! I wonder what she tweeted about you in returne? LOL No more Little Miss Incognito for you!
    DI

  6. Kay

    Too funny! You’ve made my morning once again. Love reading your blog!

  7. Michelle Pixie

    Maybe she’ll ditch the ribbon tied pigtails! LOL
    Oh and I get pedicures and I am so far away from being OC, you never need to justify taking care of yourself. 😉

  8. Missy

    I get them on a regular basis and I have two good arms! It’s my treat to myself. Manis too! No apologies necessary. Did you ever take the picture?

  9. Shari

    Well? Did she respond to your tweets? That is hilarious. So much for anonymity, huh?

  10. CareyPhoto

    Hahahaha, I love it!! Reminds me of that sudden feeling of nakedness I get every time I meet someone and they tell me they read my blog or follow me on twitter. :O

  11. Nancy P

    ok heres the thing. If these OC women weren’t so shallow, fake, wearing c.f.m. outfits you wouldn’t be writing about them in the first place. SO…. I hardly think having one of them mad at you is the end of the world. 🙂
    Plus, that made for one FUNNY story! LOL

  12. deminimis

    Oh I loved that so much! It may be enough to keep a smile for the rest of the night.

  13. Chantel

    This is one of the my favorite posts so far Twenty Four. You are so busted! Maybe she read your tweets and realized how stupid her ponytails and ribbons are at her age!

  14. Smizzo

    Hi, there. I am a not-so new reader, yet I am still ‘new’. I don’t remember HOW or exactly WHEN I stumbled upon your blog, but this post has prompted my first comment.
    I have lived in “the OC” for all of my life, and in South County for the last 22 years. I live within walking distance from you, and I frequent all of the “Money Town” establishments you mention on a daily basis, yet I have NEVER, EVER encountered the “typical OC women” that you mention in your posts.
    I feel sorta cheated. WTH am I doing wrong? 😉

  15. Twenty Four At Heart

    Smizzo –
    I wanted to reply to you by email, but you didn’t leave an email address. Also, your IP address shows a location of Los Angeles, not Orange County?
    What is it that makes you think you know where I live or that you’re within walking distance of me? I don’t publish that information. (Intentionally)
    I also refer to starbucks, but to the best of my recollection, no other local-to-me businesses by name. (Which is also intentional on my part.) So maybe you are actually in a different area than I am, but just think you are nearby? I’ve had readers incorrectly guess the city I reside in several times.
    If you don’t see any “typical” OC women and would like to … can I suggest Javier’s in Newport Coast on any thursday or weekend night? Or Bandera? Or, or, or …!
    Or maybe you should just come hang out with me for a day? Five minutes in the local starbucks should do the trick!
    : )

  16. Kristen

    24, I’m thinking smizzo IS an oc woman and maybe doesn’t see herself for what and who she is? lol

  17. Lynn M

    lol! Love this, love you.
    So funny. I think I know which salon you were at. Rt outside of money town? I go there too and they flock there! ha ha
    lunch or coffee soon?

  18. Tiffany

    I live in Money Town and I’m surrounded by these women! Smizzo can’t possibly live in this area if she says she’s never seen any of my neighbors. lol Hilarious post 24!

  19. Ginger

    Ha ha I’m going to think of this story every time I go in for a Mani-Pedi with “Oh Pee Eye” polish!

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