My Giveaway Has Been Postponed in Honor of Vaginal Dryness

I know I promised a giveaway today, but I've had to postpone it until tomorrow.

Urgent business found its way to my inbox yesterday afternoon and I feel it has to be addressed immediately.

I received a PR pitch yesterday and I've been terribly traumatized by it.  It was unlike any of the other bazillion PR pitches I receive every day.

The subject line of the email read:  

Pamper yourself or your mom with the comfort she deserves this Mother's Day!

Rather than describe the contents of the email, here it is for you to read yourself  (I've highlighted the areas which particularly traumatized me!)  My comments are in regular print, and the email itself is in dark bold print:

Hi , Life moves too quickly. Help rejuvenate your mom with a day at the spa, indulge her with chocolates and flowers, help her relax and slow down from her fast-paced world full of deadlines, commitments and obligations. And help her be more comfortable with XXXX, A Long Lasting Vaginal Moisturizer.

(Why not just put some vag moisturizer in Mom's box of chocolates this Mother's Day?  Or hide it in her bouquet of flowers?  Can you imagine Mom opening up her box of vaginal moisturizer at your family's fancy Mother's Day brunch this year?  "Thank you kids, it's the best gift EVER!")

We all know how busy a mom’s life can be but this Mothers Day take time to educate your mom about the treatment options available for vaginal dryness.

(My mom has never uttered the word vagina in her entire life and I'm pretty sure she doesn't know what one is.  If I took the time to "educate" her about vaginal dryness treatments, I'd first have to define VAGINA for her.  After I defined VAG, I'd then have to tell her she doesn't need to have a dried out vag if she'd just let me "educate" her.  I can't imagine a more touching Mother's Day!)

Nearly every woman will experience vaginal dryness sometime in her life, oftentimes making even daily activities unbearable.

(I hate it when that happens!  Oh wait … it hasn't ever happened!  When was the last time you couldn't do the laundry because your vagina was dried out?  Or the dishes for that matter?  "Sorry dear, I'm going to skip washing the dinner dishes tonight due to my dry vag."  Or maybe, "Sorry readers, my vagina was too dried out to write a post today!")

It is most often associated with the normal decline or fluctuation of the female hormone estrogen. This fluctuation can be triggered by childbirth, breastfeeding or menopause. Dryness can also be caused by stress, certain medications, or excessive exercise.

(If your mom excessively exercises her vagina, it will dry out.  Is that what they're saying?  Do any of us REALLY want to think about that?  I think not.)

Estrogen free, XXXX Long Lasting Vaginal Moisturizer goes to work immediately to provide soothing and long lasting moisture.

(How many times have they mentioned long lasting now?  How long is fake vaginal moisture supposed to last?  Hours?  Days?  Weeks?  Months?  Does it petrify your vagina while it's in there?)

As the cells of the vaginal wall are regenerated, dry cells are cleared and XXXX is eliminated naturally.

(In other words, wear a pantiliner when you use it because it will drip right out of you along with some "dry cells"!!!!  That's quite a Mother's Day thought, isn't it?  Ewww!)

As with dry skin on your face and hands, regular moisturizing treatment may be necessary to prevent dryness from recurring.

(I get it now!  It's just like HAND LOTION!  We should all moisturize our vagina's regularly just like our hands.  Thank you for enlightening me!) 

This Mothers Day take time for yourself or time to educate a woman you love about vaginal dryness …! 

As it turns out, I might have been the first blogger to tweet about this PR pitch yesterday – but many others soon followed.  It is, honestly, the worst PR pitch I've ever received and I've gotten hundreds, if not thousands, of PR pitches.  It also begs the question, how did the PR company decide which bloggers they suspect of having moms with dried out vaginas?

P.S.  Apparently, spell check does not recognize VAG as a word.

© Twenty Four At Heart

21 Responses to “My Giveaway Has Been Postponed in Honor of Vaginal Dryness”

  1. Michelle

    Hmmmm I wonder how many people will take this offer up.
    Thanks for the laugh.

  2. Jenny in MN now AZ

    Awesome write up of your special offer. Thanks for the great laugh! Wow, a mother’s day gift idea?

  3. Jan

    Gee, some people just have ALL the fun. I have not received any such PR pitch – perhaps they think I’m already a lost cause?
    As for my mother, she had NO problem saying “vagina” or talking about hers (or anyone else’s, for that matter) – there wasn’t much filter between the brain and mouth. However, I do believe she’d have been irritated/embarrassed (amused?) had I attempted to give her a vaginal moisturizer for Mother’s Day.

  4. m

    My gut hurts from laughing! Please make it stop.

  5. Kelly

    OMFG! Hysterical. My sides hurt from lol so much!

  6. Nancy P

    Well I simply have no words. Oh wait yes I do. W.T.F.?!

  7. Karl

    I’m just glad I don’t get emails about moisturizing my penis.

  8. Joan

    I think it was your perimenopause post that put them onto you…

  9. Leann

    Thamk you. You have no idea how much I needed that today. The panty liner got me;)

  10. Ginger

    HA HA HA HA I’m still laughing!! Oh this is too funny! Can I use the excuse of the dry vagina for not posting everyday??

  11. vodkamom

    Now I am FURIOUS that I didn’t get this pitch.

  12. Jason

    OMG, this is hysterical. I totally agree with these people! I can’t think of anything worse than a dry vag!

  13. ocshannon714

    Knowing this post was about vaginas got my attention…..but you really got me at “urgent business found its way to my INBOX” ——
    It gives me some great ideas for my MIL!! Ewww!

  14. Neeroc

    I am totally stealing “Sorry readers, my vagina was too dried out to write a post today!” because that made me spew my coffee

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