The Correct Way to Buy a Bra

Yesterday, I stepped on my own nipple as I got out of the car.

I knew, immediately, it was time to purchase a new bra.

By the way, stepping on your own nipple is extremely painful.

(Especially when you have hyper-sensitive, bionic, nipples like I do.)

As some of you may recall, I had breast reduction surgery at the urging of my orthopedic surgeon a couple years ago.  He felt my ginormous boobs size DD breasts were making things worse on my disabled arm/shoulder.  I bought all new bras at the time, but I guess bras aren't made to last for a lifetime.

Ever since I had breast reduction surgery, my nipples have been very … alert.

I've found Victoria's Secret BioFit bras work best for me.  (No, Victoria's Secret isn't sponsoring this post.  They know nothing about me, or my bionic nipples.)  I like the BioFit bras because in my size, a C, they don't add a lot of padding but they do cover up my attentive nipples.  They also have a nice, seamless shape for wear under t-shirts, etc.  

(I'm not saying this is the best bra for you, I just happen to think it's the best bra for me.)

I was actually on another errand yesterday, when the incident of accidentally tripping over my own nipple occurred.

I decided to make a quick pit-stop (tit-stop?) into the mall to make an emergency bra purchase.  (I often buy these same bras online, but I was close to the mall so went to the actual store.)

The problem was, I couldn't remember what my favorite bra was called.  I knew, however, I had purchased it at Victoria's Secret.

I walked into the store and responded to the cheery VS customer greeter with a confident hello.  Then I walked through the store and gazed at the stunning array of colors, sizes, and styles, of over the shoulder boulder holders.

My mind went blank.  I felt suddenly confused by the dazzling assortment of bras.

I stuck my hand down my shirt and tried to squish the padding to see if it was thick, thin, a semi-lift, or some other type of contraption.

That is exactly how the befuddled VS sales lady found me.

(Yes, right in the middle of the store with my hand in my own bra squeezing the bra this way and that way.)

She might have thought I was fondling myself because she seemed very taken aback.

What?

I can't be the first person to have their hand down their own shirt squishing around in their bra, can I?

"I can't remember the name of my bra," I said, in an attempt to explain what I was doing.

Then I added, "It has writing inside it though, and not much padding … but enough padding so my nipples don't wave at everyone."

She laughed.

She also looked a little relieved.

(The crazy woman fondling herself in the middle of the store was not actually crazy.)

She quickly deduced I was looking for a BioFit bra and escorted me to the area of the store I needed.

"What size are you?" she asked.

"DD," I answered out of habit.  (I was a DD from age 11 until just two years ago.)

She looked at me appraisingly and frowned.

"Oh wait," I said suddenly.  "I'm not a DD.  I had them cut off and now I'm a C!"

I grinned, proud of myself for remembering my new smaller size.

She looked … well, a little taken aback again.

"O-kaaaay?" she said hesitantly.

At this point, I realized she was going to be of no further help, whatsoever.

"I'm fine," I said.  "I just want to look at the pretty colors for a minute before I choose which one I want."

A few minutes later I picked out a nude colored bra to replace the one I was wearing and a shocking pink bra just for fun.

The pink bra is so pretty.

I smiled for the entire rest of the day just because I knew I had a bright pink, pretty, bra on.

My shopping mission was a success.

That, dear friends, is the correct way to buy a bra.

© Twenty Four At Heart

7 Responses to “The Correct Way to Buy a Bra”

  1. Jan

    I agree – it’s always best to traumatize the sales staff when you shop. Trust me on this; we work with apparel retailers every day and a great many of them deserve to be traumatized.

  2. Linda P

    LOL! Although I’ve been reading you for years and have actually met you IRL, I can never be sure how much of your ‘adventures’ are true or slightly enhanced 😀
    Either way, you are a RIOT girl!

  3. Di

    Love their bras and have worn them for years now. BUT, they stopped making the one that had wider straps and I’ve never gotten over the heartbreak of it.

  4. Alexis (Minnesota)

    Oh suuuurrrre Suzanne-Ms-photographer!!!
    …..and not a picture on this blog entry! Not even of the pretty one! LOL

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