The Lizard Man In My Backyard

Yesterday, I discovered a terrible, frightening, BIG half-man/half-lizard/half-snake creature lives in my backyard.

Scary!!

The entire back of our house is windows.  When I'm home I'm constantly noticing "my" mountains, or the zillions of hummingbirds zipping around my backyard, or whatever.  

I glanced out the window and suddenly saw this big, fat, black, hairy (???) THING coming down one of my favorite trees.

???

My first thought was squirrel

But it definitely wasn't a squirrel.

It was too fat and too dark to be one of our (bazillion) lizards.

It was really dark black.

It was really, really, fat.

We get a lot of wildlife here, but I've never seen anything like this … creature.

I walked outside and got within maybe five  ten  twenty  feet of it.

It had beady eyes.

It was ugly.

It was prehistoric looking and SCARY.

I ran back inside the house and locked the door.

(So it couldn't turn the door knob and come in!)

I swear, it stared at me for a long, long time through the window.

I decided the best course of action was to lock all the doors and leave the house.

In my car.

With the car doors locked.

If I gave Backyard Scary Creature alone time it would surely slither/crawl/creep back into the canyon behind my house.

Right?

Before I left, I sent a text message to my friend, Nike:  There's something scary in my backyard so I'm leaving.  It's half man and half lizard.

Nike lives pretty close to me and her house backs against "my" canyon.  She shares the danger of rattlesnakes, bobcats, mountain lions, etc.  We've also been friends for at least one hundred years.

You'd think Nike would come running right over to rescue me, wouldn't you?

Instead, this is the text I promptly got back from her:  Run!  Which half is man?  You may want to stay!

And yes, I did spit out the water I was sipping on when I read her message. 

After I recovered, 

I left the house for a few minutes hours so the creature could disappear.

When I got home, guess what?

I saw it's scary head with beady eyes staring out at me from my tree!

It's living in my tree!!

!!!!!!!

Let me tell you again,

THE BIG, TERRIFYING, FAT, HAIRY(?), CREEPY, CRAWLY, SLITHERY, HALF-MAN, HALF-LIZARD, HALF-SNAKE, BEADY-EYED, CREATURE LIVES IN MY TREE!!!

What am I going to do?? 

© Twenty Four At Heart

26 Responses to “The Lizard Man In My Backyard”

  1. Fawn

    !!! I saw something just like what you are describing here in Holy Jim Canyon 2 months ago! I was hiking with a friend when she stopped dead in her tracks and said “Something is watching us ahead.” As soon as I made eye contact with the thing, it started chasing us! We ran for our lives because it looked hungry. Now my family makes fun of me, but they don’t know that death is embodied in a black lizard demon. God speed.

  2. Pam

    Not to be critical of the beautiful photos you choose to post, but we’ve all seen sunsets over the sea before – and which of us has EVER seen a LIZARD MAN?! Man up yourself, 24, and get out there smartish with your camera!

  3. Jenny in MN now in AZ

    take pictures! Maybe you should offer it some food and water and make friends with it. You could be the first OC person with a Lizard Man for a friend. You could start a new trend…everyone will want one. It could be the next big thing! HA!
    Animal/pest control?

  4. Pamela Brookins

    And we get NO PICTURES?! C’mon … put on those big girl panties (or a thong)! Let’s see if it’s a Discovery Channel type creature!! You could be even MORE famous. Think of the ads you’ll get for your blog then!I kid cuz I love …….

  5. Tracy Lambeth-Rios

    I agree with those above…. Take a picture 🙂

  6. Jan

    I have to agree – my first thought was, “Take a picture of it!!!”
    You’re such a tease.

  7. Sandy Webb

    I agree too….get out your most powerful telephoto lens & take a picture…from inside the house of course!

  8. Nancy P

    Damn it Suzanne take a photo already! 🙂 Seriously can’t you take one from inside the house. You can NOT tell us all this and then not let us see it!

  9. Amy in StL

    No guesses as to what it was? Some type of fringed lizard? An opposum? Black mountain lion with mange?

  10. Denise ;)

    Well………..dahhhhh, take a picture and share it with us!! With our combined intelligence we can determine what to do next. (Kill it, sell it, or EAT it.) LOL

  11. gina

    Call those good looking firemen who were at your home earlier this summer.
    They rescue things from trees, don’t they?

  12. Linda M.

    Once you take a picture (ahem!) then post it, I bet one of your readers can identify it. And maybe even tell you IF you can get rid of it. By that I mean encourage it to live somewhere else, of course…

  13. Erica

    If Fawn is right and it chases humans you really need to get rid of it, after taking a picture, of course. It might eat dogs too.

  14. Dnd dnsjx

    How high are you buddy ? Lol or what drugs are you tripping on cus i want some !!

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