I have the strangest things happen to me.
Last weekend my mom commented her life has been "so calm and normal" compared to mine. She made the statement as if she were questioning whether or not I'm really her daughter. I look a lot like her, so I think I am.
My mom shakes her head a lot at me. How is it possible she has a daughter who swears and acknowledges she's had sex before? She taught me to be a lady. Never mind, I've had three kids – I'm supposed to still be a virgin.
My mom's list goes on and on – bemusement and befuddlement.
Speaking of being a lady:
• Apparently, yesterday a porn site linked to a humor post I wrote (quite awhile ago) about drawing a face on my nipple. What that post has to do with porn, is beyond me – but hello thousands upon thousands of very disappointed porn readers.
* Waving to disappointed porn readers worldwide! *
I had no idea so many of you existed ….
Porn readers, that is.
I'm apparently very naive regarding the world's porn habits.
• Yesterday, I also received a tweet from someone I had referred (as a patient) to Dr. Painless:
Hey @twentyfour I could call him Dr. Patience, but I'd rather call him Dr. Hotness! Whoa!!!
Apparently, she finally made it in to see him?
Several more "he's so hot" tweets followed.
Dr. Painless is hot?
Have I been in too much pain to notice?
Possibly I lost my vagina in the car accident along with my arm?
I'll have to check him out next week when I see him.
(And no, I will never be able to look at him the same way again ….)
• Next, I opened the mail only to find one of my readers had sent me a Magic Magnetic Sex-Button.
No, I don't play with it – I'm supposed to wear it.
(Hello again mom! It isn't my fault someone sent me a sex button!)
Hmmmm – maybe I didn't describe it correctly.
I don't wear it there …
It's a "magnetic button" I'm supposed to attach to my clothes.
Oh wait …
That still doesn't sound right, does it?
Think: campaign button, only different.
It's a "joke" button and the reader who bought it instantly thought of me when she came across it.
(OK, I admit it made me laugh!)
I'm really, really excited by the audience my photos are getting on G+, but along with that comes some very interesting emails and comments.
* Being told I'm purtee and sexxxxi.
* A man in a middle eastern country told me I had photoshopped lights and reflections into a night photo I took last weekend. I explained to him, I wouldn't know how to photoshop something like that – the photo is indeed "real."
I'm pretty sure he didn't believe me because then he started leaving me long, deep, meaningful, quotes about life. (Which I didn't understand, because apparently I'm not quite deep enough.)
• People are speaking Bulgarian and other languages to me on G+. I have to use Google Translate to know whether they're complimenting my photos, criticizing them, or telling me I'm purtee and/or sexxxxi.
I think it's pretty cool people all over the world are connecting.
Sometimes I wonder –
As I wave to disappointed porn readers, set the Magnetic Sex-Related Button aside, and pull up a web- based Bulgarian translator …
Is everyone's life like this??
© Twenty Four At Heart