In case you missed it: Last week, I announced I’m planning a road trip to come visit you! Do you want to meet me? Click here for details.
Yesterday, I had a physical with my long-time family doctor.
I made an appointment for a mini (required) “pre-op” physical, but he decided to be a little more thorough since he had me trapped in his office.
(He’s been nagging me to schedule a physical for a long time.)
Catch me if you can. (The view of “my” mountains just before sunset.)
Doc went through a list of “standard medical questions” that seemed to take forever. He asked me questions about every body part I have.
Here are some actual quotes from my physical:
Doc: Do your mouth and tongue work? Has anything changed?
Me: That’s the first thing my husband asks each day when he gets home.
Doc: Do you have pain anywhere?
Me: You’re kidding, right?
Doc: Sorry. (Pause.) It was a terrible car accident. Who are you going to for pain management?
Doc: Have you noticed any changes in your body?
Me: Plenty. Getting old is a bitch.
Doc: Tell me about it. I’d kill to be your age again.
Me: I hope not.
Doc: Have you had any changes to your vision?
Me: I can’t see shit. I’m blind. I’ve been a blind photographer for a few years.
Doc: (Nods – as if this makes perfect sense.)
Doc: Do your hands ever tremble?
Me: Yes, sometimes a lot. I hate it.
Doc: Can you tell me more about it?
Me: When I get really cold I get the shivers and my hands shake.
Doc: Suzanne? Can you ever be serious?
Me: I am serious. I hate being cold.
Doc: What do you take for your pain?
Me: The good stuff.
Doc: There’s a lot of good stuff out there.
Me: I could make a living selling narcotics.
Doc: So, you’re still working out of your home?
Doc: Do you ever lose control of your bladder? Maybe when you sneeze or laugh?
Me: Only if I’ve had WAY too much to drink with my girlfriends.
Doc: (Laughs and nods his head in agreement. Obviously the doc has tied a few too many on, at some point, himself.)
Doc: Are you menopausal yet?
Me: Well, I woke up really bitchy today, does that count?
(Doctor laughs so hard he snorts.)
Doc: Have you noticed any changes in your memory?
Me: I don’t remember?
Doc: (Getting frustrated!) I’m trying to ask you if you have dementia!
I look at him and raise one eyebrow questioningly.
(Excessive laughter from both of us.)