The Funny Thing About Being a Blogger ….

Yesterday, I heard from almost every ex-boyfriend I’ve ever had.

They each asked if I wrote The Heartbreak Post about them.

“Did you cheat on me?” I retorted.

They slunk off silently.

I suppose that means they did.


As if you were the love of my life, I scoffed.

And now I know people from my past are keeping tabs on me by reading 24 ….

A photo of life in the tropics.  (Or Orange County.)

In other news,

I haven’t written a post like this in a long, long, time –

But some of you folks out there in the Internet world do some very funny searches.

I thought you’d get a laugh out of a few recent examples.

These are all real searches presented to you in bold type exactly as they were entered into google and/or another search engine.  (My editorial comments are in regular type.)

•  turgid nipples (I get this one several times a day.  As well I should, right?)

•  back door nudist  (And what’s wrong with that?)

•  well endowed men  (People everywhere are on the hunt for well endowed men.)

•  my clitros disappeared  (Step one:  learn how to spell it.  Step two:  find it!)

•  he was very well endowed  (Or he had a sock stuffed in his pants?)

•  twenty four’s songs  (I’m happy to share!)

•  terrible physical therapy experience  (Been there, done that!)

•  single black hair growing all over my face  (I’m so sorry!  Also, how can a single hair grow all over your face?)

•  he is well endowed and women stare  (Of course they do.  And what did you say his address was?)

•  letter for my old friend  (It’s so sad to lose a friend.  Sometimes they surprise you and come back in your life at a later time.)

•  what happened to her clitoris?  (I’m afraid to find out!  You can look first!)

•  naked in backyard  (Being naked in the sunshine is one of life’s great pleasures!)

•  rejection and disappointment  (I’m sorry.  It hurts.  Big hugs to you!)

•  caught naked  (Whoops!)

•  what is a photography leading line?  (I’m glad I could help explain it to you!)

•  stories about nipples  (Nipples are fun, aren’t they?  Nipples have LOTS of stories!)

•  my wife deb with 2 well hung studs  (Well, I do have several readers named Deb ….)

•  wife backyard topless  (Is that a wish?  Or a complaint?)

•  nipples in car wash  (Enough with the nipples, okay?)

•  wife topless at pool  (Congratulations!   Women – do you see a trend?  Your man wants you to walk around topless all day.)

•  where did my clit go?  (I’m not sure.  I don’t think it has legs to walk away, though.)

•  well hung friend  (That might be the occassion to consider a Friend With Benefits relationship?)

•  growing up well hung  (It’s a tough life, but someone’s got to do it – right?)

•  why am I such a bitch?  (Because you just ARE, okay?)

•  I want to be hairless  (You can do that.  It takes ongoing maintenance, though.)

•  he stared at my nipp  (He must be human.  Why are you typing things like this into Google?)

•  I’m craving pomegranates  (I completely understand.   I think it’s caused by a Vitamin C deficiency!)

•  naked mishaps  (You’re in the right place – I’ve had several!)

•  true, I’m well hung  (I’m glad you’re so humble about it.)

•  clit be gone  (Noooooo!  screamed the clit!)

•  caught buck naked  (I’ve always wondered why the BUCK in buck naked?)

•  fix my overexposed sky?  (I can give you a few pointers, but it’s better to not overexpose the sky in the first place.)

•  are hawaiian men well hung  (I can’t speak from personal experience.  Anyone have an answer to this one?)

•  booty mom  (Thank you!)

 tanning bed sunburned funny story  (I’m so happy my life is entertaining to others.)

 fuckying diet  (I agree – it’s better to just eat healthy and not try to diet.)

•  why is hole in spanx?  (For easy-access sex, of course!)

•  sexual flowers  (Most flowers are very sensual.)

•  cooter wax  (Yes …??)

•  bachelor party went too far  (They always do, don’t they?)

•  I caught my gardner naked  (Now that’s awkward.  Was he mowing the lawn or hedge trimming?)

•  going brazilian  (It’s just more comfortable.  And cooler.  Who doesn’t want a cooler cooter?)

•  show my tits?  (It’s a personal decision, but boobies definitely liven up a party!)

•  woke up with a lopsided double chin  (That’s horrible.  My sympathies!)

•  machine that melts fat  (It doesn’t work.  Trust me on this one.  Embrace your chubby body.)

•  high beam tits  (I see we’re related?)

•  looong nipples  (I’m not sure if it’s possible to fix, but if they’re past knee level you might want to look into plastic surgery.)

•  is cooter similar to muff?  (Yes, very similar.)

•  i have boobs but not nipples  (What a disappointment.  Do you disclose info like that on the first date?)

•  sunburned naked ass  (Been there, done that!)

•  call me the hulk  (I can think of better turn-ons, but whatever works for you!)

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