In case you haven’t noticed, I have a very strange life.
I wish I could publicly blog about everything I’d like to, but you’ll just have to trust me –
My life is a lot weirder than I can write about.
Yesterday makes for a good example:
• I had a morning appointment for a Brazilian bikini wax. I’ve gone to the same waxing salon for years, but yesterday I had to spread ’em for a new (to me) waxologist. (Yes, her business card says she’s a waxologist.) I admit, being with someone different made me feel a little uneasy. It’s a little disconcerting to say, “Hello, nice to meet you ,” and then assume the naked frog position for a total stranger. (I was never very good at the bar scene either!)
Trying to put me at ease, New Waxologist (who looked to be about 14 years old) asked me a lot of questions about blogging and photography. Trying to be polite, I asked her how she became a waxologist, and whether or not she enjoys it. I couldn’t hold back my laughter when she said in a thoughtful, serious, voice, “Well, I used to do facials” right as she waxed my asshole. In fact, I might have snorted so loud, I scared her. Then I burst into a fit of uncontrollable giggles.
• I edited photos for the Knott’s Berry Farm blacksmith. I made him a private gallery of images. As I worked, I kept thinking “I’m editing photos for The Knott’s Berry Farm blacksmith.” It’s a very ODD thing to be doing, don’t you think? (Hi Steve!)
Photo: Steve, the blacksmith
• I got a pedicure. The cheap little nail salon I used to go to closed. I walked into a busy, OC, salon. I was seated in a massaging chair that vibrated so hard it almost threw me across the room. Seriously, I was flung out of the chair – it moved THAT much. (I had to turn it off so I could stay seated!) Seated next to me, was a woman whose face was all taped up from a face lift. She looked me straight in the eyes and I started to giggle again. I couldn’t help it. Seriously??? I can’t imagine caring about my toes if my face was all carved up like a jack-o-lantern. (She got bright pink polish with multiple flowers painted on her toenails.)
Seated directly across from me was a different woman whose face was so horrible, I don’t know if I can describe it. I just wanted to get up and go over to her and scrunch her face back the way it should be. She apparently had decided to have a “half” face lift … her forehead/brow area was taut. (Imagine a too-tight ponytail!) The rest of her face sagged horribly in comparison. Her eyebrows were way TOO high. Botox was somehow, inappropriately, used also. It was a terrible sight. I think I need bleach for my eyes, just to make the image go away.
I’m surrounded by absurdity.
• Another woman in the nail salon had (what looked to be) a Menopausal Meltdown while getting her nails done. You know … sudden mood swing, irritable beyond any legitimate reason, bitching out the person who was being perfectly nice to her. I wanted to videotape it with my iPhone because it was fascinating to watch the rapid mood swing. (I was afraid she’d hit me if I tried!)
• I finalized arrangements for today. I’m in L.A. again. (Details as to what I’m doing – coming soon.) I’m really looking forward to my today. Looking forward to what I’m doing in L.A., doesn’t change the fact I hate the drive back and forth to L.A. with a passion. This trip was a little unexpected, as was last week’s. (I’ll be up in L.A. for three days next week too!) L.A. traffic sucks!
• I signed up to go to a photography conference in San Francisco. (Details are here.) I emailed my husband and wrote:
Whoops – I accidentally committed to being in SF for a huge photography event.
Don’t get mad – it’s huge and I HAVE to be there!
Briefcase replied:how can you accidently commit?when is it?
• Don’t you wish you were married to me?
• Unrelated (ahem!), I get dating spam on a daily basis. Yesterday’s spam included Pictures of Single Christians, a suggestion I join Marry-Me-Sugar-Daddy, an invitation to go to a Black Singles Party, an invitation to an Asian Singles Event, an offer for Millionaire Dates, and a notice about a Swinger’s Party.
Sheesh! Spammers – make up your mind!! (I blame one of the BlogHer parties I attended last summer. I think the party was sponsored by Match.com – the spam will NOT stop!)
• Think of me today as I fight hours and hours of traffic. I’ll most likely alternate swearing at the unfathomable traffic and singing my lungs out. I promise not to take a single flower photo while in L.A. today. For those of you who crave the flower shots (and a lot of people do), here you go:
Photo: Yellow Flower
P.S. I’ve been invited to a “VIP” spa night of “relaxation and rejuvenation” this evening. My camera has been invited too – stay tuned!