It’s gotten crazy in The OC lately – particularly in Newport Beach.
OC Barbies turn into rabid wolves around the holidays.
If you value your life, do not (!!) get in the way of an OC Barbie when she’s driving shopping.
(You’ll get poked in the eye with a plastic tit, or possibly worse.)
I see rabid OC Barbies everywhere this time of year.
It’s easy to spot the determined, insane, look in their eyes.
They have thousands upon thousands of dollars to spend and you better not get in their way.
Of course, the most important part of the holiday season is to impress other OC Barbies.
To do this, OC Barbie must be properly primped, massaged, botoxed, nipped, tucked, and dressed.
(It’s difficult to find time for all this maintenance, because she also needs to meet with her
hawt boy toy personal trainer and yoga instructor!)
DON’T FORGET THE
HAIR TEETH ASSHOLE BLEACHING!
She has to, after all, look the part.
You’ll see her driving her expensive car, with a Starbucks holiday cup in her hand.
(She spends more time primping in her car mirror than she does actually
driving drinking her peppermint-soy-mocha, however.)
An OC Barbie tries to have The Most Decorated House For The Holidays in the entire neighborhood.
Huge, garish, blow up, waving, holiday float-thingies (on her perfectly manicured front lawn) are especially appealing.
She buys expensive gifts for her kids (which they definitely don’t need, and probably don’t even want) so they can one-up the neighbor kids by at least one price bracket.
If there’s a shortage of a particular hot toy/technology item, she automatically has to have it, whether anyone in her family really wants it or not.
The more expensive the gift wrapping, the more appealing it becomes.
Who doesn’t want a twenty dollar bow on their gift?
It’s also important she mention her family’s donations to charity to everyone she meets.
It’s Orange County, after all ….
It’s all about THINGS and APPEARANCE(S).
Tis the season –
Of the Ho Ho Ho’s!