Rabid Holiday Shoppers

It’s gotten crazy in The OC lately – particularly in Newport Beach.

OC Barbies turn into rabid wolves around the holidays.

If you value your life, do not (!!) get in the way of an OC Barbie when she’s driving  shopping.

(You’ll get poked in the eye with a plastic tit, or possibly worse.)

I see rabid OC Barbies everywhere this time of year.

It’s easy to spot the determined, insane, look in their eyes.

They have thousands upon thousands of dollars to spend and you better not get in their way.

Of course, the most important part of the holiday season is to impress other OC Barbies.

To do this, OC Barbie must be properly primped, massaged, botoxed, nipped, tucked, and dressed.

(It’s difficult to find time for all this maintenance, because she also needs to meet with her hawt boy toy personal trainer and yoga instructor!)

DON’T FORGET THE HAIR TEETH ASSHOLE BLEACHING!

She has to, after all, look the part.

You’ll see her driving her expensive car, with a Starbucks holiday cup in her hand.

(She spends more time primping in her car mirror than she does actually driving drinking her peppermint-soy-mocha, however.)

An OC Barbie tries to have The Most Decorated House For The Holidays in the entire neighborhood.

Huge, garish, blow up, waving, holiday float-thingies (on her perfectly manicured front lawn) are especially appealing.

She buys expensive gifts for her kids (which they definitely don’t need, and probably don’t even want) so they can one-up the neighbor kids by at least one price bracket.

If there’s a shortage of a particular hot toy/technology item, she automatically has to have it, whether anyone in her family really wants it or not.

The more expensive the gift wrapping, the more appealing it becomes.

Who doesn’t want a twenty dollar bow on their gift?

It’s also important she mention her family’s donations to charity to everyone she meets.

It’s Orange County, after all ….

It’s all about THINGS and APPEARANCE(S).

Tis the season –

Of the Ho Ho Ho’s!

14 Responses to “Rabid Holiday Shoppers”

    • Suzanne

      Certain areas of Orange County are worse than others ….
      For instance, the area I live in and Newport Beach (where I go for PT).

  1. Julie in Michigan

    Oh my gosh, you are so funny! what’s with the bleaching of that thing?

    • Suzanne

      Ha!
      I don’t know. I have yet to bleach my asshole.
      I have, however, met several ….

    • Suzanne

      Yes, I bet it’s beautiful in nowhere this time of year!

  2. Kathy

    Yep, and the rest of us get bitten by the holiday hostility bug in their own special way. we don’t get our assholes bleached we just become assholes.

    People attack you with their carts in the store and refuse to apologize. You just get the “get the hell out of my way” look. They make very bitter and snarky comments while standing in line. Store clerks get berated…and they in turn become very passive agressive. Road rage is the rule of the road. Flipping people off is the new salute. People steal parking spots when grannies move too slow. Even the grannies get mean!

    Thank goodness for online shopping.

    • Suzanne

      It is bad, isn’t it?
      I had a man push his way ahead of me at a store yesterday.
      Parking lots become scary competition zones ….

  3. Denise

    I wonder how they can get anymore self involved and what will be their next form of body enhancement. It boggles the normal mind.

  4. Suzanne

    Well, people are having their vaginas redone – and no, I’m not kidding.
    Self-involved, shallow, materialistic …
    There are some nice people here, but there are many who aren’t.

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