Confusion In The Universe

I have the weirdest life.

Seriously, the universe (my universe?) is in a state of pure chaotic confusion right now.

My arm/body/pain brought me (and all my busyness) to a screeching halt this week.


It’s only December – my busiest month of year.

The message (written in mind-numbing pain) was very clear, though.


So, I’ve put all my holiday to-dos on hold.

(I’m, of course, still working on non-physical stuff – processing orders for the holidays, etc.)

I’ve retreated into myself so intensely, I’m afraid I might never come out.

I tend to “go inward” when I’m hurting … physically or emotionally.

I’ve taken life very slow this week.

Two days ago a total stranger hit on me at the hardware store.

It was baffling.


You’re confused.

Couldn’t he see I’m a Total Train Wreck (better known as a TTW)?

Are men attracted to disheveled, foggy-eyed, women?

I kept my gym appointment yesterday – leg workout only, no arms.

Baby Face took one look at me and said, “Let’s talk.”

Baby Face and I don’t have a “talking” relationship.

He’s more of a drill sergeant kind of guy – barking out exercise orders for me to follow.

Clearly, he immediately saw the TTW woman seeping out of me.

He turned into Mr. Compassion.

In other words, as he barked out orders (Squats!  Lunges!), he also stepped up as a friend.

I was startled by his kindness.

He even gave me a massage before I left.

(Trying to help with some of the neck pain I get when I’m all f*cked up like I am right now.)

It was nice that he was so nice.

I really needed that massage.

Isn’t life funny?

People you think you can count on reject you or disappear when they’re needed.

People you never think twice about, step up as very caring individuals when they see you need help.

A bit later in the day I took Mocha for a walk back in the canyon.

She was happy to chase bunnies down trails, and I found myself deep in thought.

What do I do now?

Do I call my orthopedic doc and ask him to amputate my arm and be done with it?

(This is something I’ve thought of countless times, but something no doctor will ever do.)

And/or succumb to Surgery #10?

(Which I don’t think I could stand!)

Do I call Dr. Painless and cave in to a lifetime of Serious Drugs?

Maybe I shouldn’t have fought so much against living a drugged up existence?

Maybe super-drugged-up is good?

I feel like I’m on a precipice.

Which direction do I go?

I brought a very tired Mocha home after our walk so she could take a contented dog nap.

Then, I got in my car and drove to a lake that isn’t too far away.

Click on photo to purchase, or view larger, in 24atHeart gallery.

I wanted to take a photo of the awesome clouds/cloud shadows/mountains/reflections.

While I was there, I also took a photo of a gigantic Christmas tree being decorated.

Christmas Tree © SHaggerty 2013 W-1

And then?

A random man approached me and began talking.

And talking.

And talking.

He was very nice.

Before he left, he said how beautiful I am.


What is going on universe?

Random men don’t (ever) tell me I’m beautiful on normal days.

But, when I’m struggling through a week of Pain-Fog-Delirium (and definitely look like hell), multiple men find me pretty?

Men like Total Train Wrecks?

Or maybe The Universe feels so bad about my pathetic state,

It has decided to throw compliments at me via random men?

Have I mentioned how glad I am this week is over?

P.S.  After I wrote this, but before I hit “publish” I talked to Dr. Painless via text message.  Have I mentioned how nice he is?  Because he is very, very, nice.  I’m not sure what his solution will be, but we’re working on it and I know/hope I’ll get some relief soon.

7 Responses to “Confusion In The Universe”

  1. Jenny in MN now in AZ

    Yep, universe works in mysterious ways. Have you tried or discussed dry needling at all? I don’t know if it would help your arm, but maybe the other areas that are compensating. My PT friend is working on me with dry needling techniques and I must say it is pretty amazing. Just another idea to throw out there….

    I really hope you feel better soon and wish I could send you more massages for the rest of your body.

    • Suzanne

      I’ve never even heard of dry needling.
      An acupuncturist told me I wasn’t a good candidate for acupuncture.
      I’ll have to do some research and learn more about dry needling.
      At this point, I’ll do anything …

      • Jenny in MN now in AZ

        It is like acupuncture but doesn’t work with the meridians energy flow. It works more on trigger points, knotted up and painful muscles, etc. It can help with releasing the muscles knotted up for immediate pain relief. Can work with the nervous system too to ‘reset’ it somewhat – depending on what is being done. My hip was all jacked up all week and I went in for a session and walked out pain freaking free! Still feeling good today.

  2. Stacy G

    so sorry that you are hurting, Suzanne!! I have a lot of magazines to share if you want to read while you are down. The usual gossip stuff like Ok and Us. mindless waste of time I know but its still fun.

    • Suzanne

      Thank you for the offer.
      I actually have a ton to do right now … orders, etc.
      Thank you though!
      : )

  3. Julie in Michigan

    The photo at the lake is beautiful and so are you! Have a nice weekend Suzanne.


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