For several years, I’ve casually wished I’d had a tummy tuck after my third child was born.
I didn’t think about it seriously in earlier years, because I was too busy raising three kids.
I’m not a big fan of The OC Barbie Club.
(There was also a car accident and eight years of recovery.)
With one of my pregnancies I had a condition called polyhydramnios where the uterus holds not only a baby,
But enough extra amniotic fluid to make the woman’s uterus stretch to the same size as if she were carrying twins.
The additional size is not fat, or “water retention,” it’s amniotic fluid inside the womb.
Long story short, having polyhydramnios is (as far as your figure is concerned), the same thing as going through a pregnancy with twins.
The after effects on your body aren’t super sexy.
I refer to my abdomen as “my baby bulge,” but I also often think of it like a kangaroo’s pouch.
I’ve been working out regulary at the gym for over a year now.
My legs are stronger, and I’m stronger.
My stomach, however, looks exactly the same.
Yesterday, I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon.
Will you be surprised to hear I was absolutely terrified to go see him?
I spend my life trying to HIDE my baby bulge, I couldn’t imagine willingly baring it to a stranger.
Now, let me backtrack (and sidestep) for a minute …..
Paul Newman has become one of my favorite girlfriends.
Yes, he has.
I frequently have men as girlfriends, so it’s not unusual.
Also, Paul Newman sees me a lot and he’s very used to “the way I am.”
My filter-less brain and mouth don’t faze him in the least.
In addition, Paul Newman happens to know Dr. Plastic on a personal level.
(I’m not going to use Dr. Plastic’s real name on 24.)
I’m sharing this background information so you can understand the following text stream.
Text Messages Between Paul Newman (who was busy trying to work) and me:
Me (noonish): I’m getting naked for Dr. Plastic at 3:00. I’m so nervous and scared. What if seeing me naked scars him for life???
Paul Newman: Tell him I said hi
Me: OK, I will.
Me (2:55pm): In waiting room. I’ve never been this nervous in my life. This is terrifying. Must write blog post about it.
Paul Newman: Absolutely
Me: OMG he’s SO cute. Naked. Waiting for him. That sounds bad.
Paul Newman: Yes
Me: Well that was very traumatic but he couldn’t have been nicer. He seemed delighted by my baby bulge.
Paul Newman: Good guy and surgeon!
Me: I liked him. It may take him a week to get over meeting me. I was very nervous and I might have gone off on tangents.
Paul Newman: Not you!
Me: (smiley face)
So, now let me fill in the blanks.
Dr. Plastic walked into the room and he is gorgeous.
He shook my hand, and I shook his, and then my no-filter brain said,
“Oh no! You’re cute!”
He seemed a little taken aback by this.
My guess is prospective patients usually THINK Dr Plastic is attractive, but don’t SAY it.
I was terrified and very nervous.
I talked a lot and went off on a lot of tangents.
Eventually, he looked at my stomach.
I apologized to him.
Yes, I did.
I said, “I’m sorry you have to look at this.”
Then he looked at my stomach and said, “Oh, that’s not bad.”
I think he probably learned to say that while he was in Plastic Surgery School.
I bet doctors don’t pass their board exams unless they can look at a patient who looks horrible and calmly say,
“Oh, that’s not bad.”
It’s probably a requirement.
He explained to me what happens to abdominal skin and muscles when a woman has polyhydramnios.
(I was thrilled he knew what it was.)
He told me why all the abdominal workouts in the world won’t make a change in my body.
He also explained to me he how he could fix my baby bulge, which is basically baggy, flappy, flabby, stretched out skin.
(Sorry! I’m one very sexy chick????)
In fact, Dr. Plastic seemed delighted with my tummy.
He said he could make a “night and day” difference in it.
Of course, I’m not twenty years old anymore.
I’m not THIN either.
If I decide to let him have his way with me, I don’t expect to have a twenty year old body or belly.
It might make me feel a lot less self conscious about myself if I didn’t have a bag of skin hanging off my middle.
(Isn’t that the grossest thing you’ve ever heard?? So BAD!)
The cost would be less than what I anticipated.
So, I’m thinking about it.
I’m considering it.
If I do decide to go ahead with it, the trick will be finding a time when I can take a break from work.
If I don’t do it, I wonder if I will spend the rest of my life regretting it?
I imagine that “extra” skin will be hanging down to my ankles in another decade or two.
I’m not getting any younger.
(And, I’m certainly too old to be a member of the OC Barbie club.)
I think if I’m going to do it, it should be sooner vs. later.
But, I’m not sure.
I need to think about it.