On Friday, a praying mantis (or “stick bug”) was on my garden hose.
I didn’t see it.
I grabbed the hose to turn it on, and the GIGANTIC BUG walked onto my hand.
My heart nearly stopped and I frantically waved my hand sending it flying through the air.
An hour later, I looked down while working and saw the very same praying mantis at the foot of my desk.
(My back door opens constantly letting Fred in and out … Mr. Mantis must have snuck in.)
It turned its eerie head and looked right at me.
I stared back.
Of course, I couldn’t kill it because they look like humans in some weird stick-bug way.
Also, Mr. Mantis was spectacularly LARGE … by praying mantis standards.
I mustered up my courage, grabbed a magazine, scoot Mr. Mantis onto it, and put him outside.
I’m not kidding, an hour later he came to my back door where he kept peering in at me.
He remained in the vicinity of my back door, watching me, for the remainder of the day.
When I fed Fred in the evening I didn’t see Mr. Mantis and I was relieved he had finally gone away.
I promptly forgot about Mr. Mantis and his weird obsession with me.
Later, Friday night, I was watching an episode of Ray Donovan while I did some paperwork.
Fred came over to give me a kiss and seemed suddenly obsessed by something at the foot of my chair.
I assumed I must have dropped a crumb of food at some point during the last 24 hours.
(Fred rarely concerns himself with anything other than snuggles and/or food.)
As I peered down at the ground to see what Fred was looking at,
I felt a very soft tingly feeling on my right forearm.
I glanced at my arm and, there just inches from my face, was MR. MANTIS SITTING ON MY ARM!!!!
I’m not exaggerating one bit when I tell you I let out the loudest, most piercing, blood-curdling, scream of my life.
I have new neighbors next door and I’m amazed they didn’t call for the police.
(I swear, I’m not a person who screams at bugs normally but this bug was haunting me!)
IT WAS ALSO GIGANTIC AND VERY OBSESSED WITH ME!
As I screamed, I jumped up, flinging Mr. Mantis to the floor.
Fred got all excited and began wagging his tail furiously as he searched for Mr. Mantis.
There was total chaos for a few minutes.
Long story short, Mr. Mantis is now deceased and no longer with us.
Before you tell me how NICE praying mantis bugs are,
Let me inform you they eat their mates – sometimes after decapitating them.
They really aren’t THAT nice!