Don’t Be Devastated??

I got some bad news yesterday.

I’ve been told I should *not* feel devastated until more information is gathered.

So, I’m pretending to not be upset even though I can feel a black cloud looming overhead.

My arm has been exceptionally bad for about a week and a half.

For several years, my bum arm has been fine from the elbow down.

And my right HAND has always worked fine.

But, over the last ten days I’ve been in a lot of pain and not able to do anything with my right arm.

Holding something very light in my right hand has become impossible.

It has been “new” pain and “different” pain.

And yes, there really is a whole rainbow assortment of TYPES OF PAIN.

Yesterday, at physical therapy, Paul Newman discovered a very unnatural HOLE in my arm.

The hole is covered by skin, but instead of a normal smooth arm there is a sudden, significant, HOLE right under my skin.

Paul Newman was alarmed because he knows every bit of my arm as well (or better) than I do.

The hole in my arm is NEW.

(Yes, you heard that right, Paul Newman discovered and explored my mystery hole yesterday.)

There could be more than one explanation for the hole in my arm, but none of them are good.

I’m meeting with my orthopedic surgeon this morning to get his opinion on this new (bad) development.

(He’s totally awesome and is seeing me right away!)

It’s very possible I have torn and/or ruptured “something” in my bum arm.

How would I do this?

Well, since my arm has many non-working parts, the working parts of my arm have to compensate for the non-working ones.

The working parts of my arm are, therefore, under a lot of constant/ongoing stress due to overuse.

I ask the working parts to work HARD and to do things they are not designed to do.

If I have a muscle and/or tendon tear/rupture it’s most likely inoperable.

That means ….?

I *might* be like this forever …?

I *might* have lost the little bit of use of my arm/hand I had …?

I don’t want to even consider the possibility of this new/different/higher level of pain being permanent.

Of COURSE this had to happen the day before my family begins arriving for Thanksgiving.

Paul Newman is trying to talk me off the ledge by telling me I need to talk to my surgeon before flipping out.

My surgeon is trying to talk me off the ledge by seeing me quickly, and telling me there could be more than one cause for this new calamity.

My family is trying to talk me off the ledge by offering to help cook for Thanksgiving.

I might know more after seeing my orthopedic surgeon this morning.

Or he might want to schedule an MRI before he gives his opinion?

Regardless, I’ll let you know once I learn more.

In the meantime,

I’m chanting quietly, “Do not cry, do not cry, do not cry!”

I can get through anything, right?

**  Twenty Four At Heart will be down for maintenance, off and on, over the weekend.  **

10 Responses to “Don’t Be Devastated??”

  1. Michelle

    I’ll be praying you down off that ledge!! Also, let the family cook! 🙂

  2. Jenny

    Um, NO!!!! ACK!
    I have no words that can adequately express how sorry I am to hear this. This sounds terrifying, but yes – try not to freak out until you know more…(BUT of course you are going to the through the emotions that come with this news).

    That being said – I will not accept that there is nothing that can be done for you. Not with the world we live in today. The hurdles you have already overcome…nope. Let’s just hope it is just a matter of it may take more time or some thinking outside the box.

    I’m sending you the biggest (gentle) hug and a ton of positive thoughts! Breathe, let the family ‘do’ all the stuff and be a guest for the holidays this year! AND…yes…Please keep us posted. Get some good pain meds going and try to sleep for a few days maybe? :-/ ???

    Ugh… really… I just feel so hurt, sad and frustrated for you.

    I’m sorry that you are going through this.
    – Jenny

    • Suzanne

      Thank you.
      I really appreciate the support – more than you know!

  3. Denise

    Oh my gosh, Suzanne. I’m sorry to hear this. I hope the surgeon gives you some answers that give you some way to get down off that ledge. Let your family do the work this time. Rest and take care of yourself.

  4. Mj

    Major bummer but considering all that I have read about how you have dealt with the accident and the pain you continually have you appear to be a very strong person. Keep good thoughts and breathe deeply until you hear from the surgeon.
    And I totally agree with Michelle in letting your family do the cooking. I don’t a reason other than I did the holiday cooking for 25+ years and now have passed it off to my kids.

    • Suzanne

      Thank you.
      And yes, I don’t think I have a choice … I can’t do much of anything let alone cook.

  5. Missy Stalcup

    I am so sorry to hear this news, BUT see what your surgeon has to say. Do let your family prepare Thanksgiving this year-they have watched you do it forever. You are there only as a consultant. Period. Thinking good thoughts for a positive outcome with your surgeon. Breathe.

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