Monday Morning

I’m nervous.

I’m excited and scared all at the same time.

My life seems to be changing at warp speed …

And, impossibly slow at the same time.

(Did you know you can’t complete surgical rehab in three days even if you want to?)

Sometimes you feel the universe tilt and it takes awhile to get your bearings.

That’s where my life’s at right now …

My universe has tilted; I don’t have my bearings yet.

I think all sorts of wonderful is ahead of me, but maybe it’s not.

I feel like I’m on the edge of a new beginning,

But, maybe I’m just succumbing to blind optimism and should know better?

I saw my surgeon on Friday.

He works at a huge practice and has approximately 3-4 minutes with each post-surgery patient.

I spend more time with his Fellow (who I love) than with him.

I didn’t want a doctor with time constraints like that, but I realize now, I finally got the best surgeon for my not-normal-very-complex situation.

What matters is what he did for me in the surgery, not how much time he has for holding my hand after.


He’s ecstatic, and thrilled, and amazed, at my results.

He told me on Friday, I’m a “superstar.”

He said I am the “biggest transformation” of his career.

Before Surgery #10, every medical professional I encountered was puzzled, and overwhelmed, with the complexities of my case.

Now, everyone is stunned, and amazed, at how well I’m doing.

Who has a major surgery and doesn’t want/need pain meds afterwards?

What no one seems able to understand is the pain I feel post-surgery is a bazillion times less than what I’ve lived with every moment of my life for the last Almost-Ten-Years since the car accident.

The post-surgery pain from a surgery like mine is overwhelming for most people,

But for me?

It’s a VACATION from the absolute hell I’ve lived in.

Without ever having experienced how BAD that pain was,

How can they possibly understand how WONDERFUL my post-surgery reality is?

I’m afraid I’m dreaming this new reality?

I want to cry tears of joy.

Even if my arm never, ever, WORKS, I’m so happy with the pain relief ….!

And, given time, my arm should work …

Although, only time will tell how well.

I feel like I should be angry at The Surgeons Who Came Before and failed to fix me.

But, I’m not angry.

I don’t want to waste one moment of my life on negativity, because I’ve been given a miraculous respite from hell.

I’m too busy rejoicing in my new reality.

I don’t want to look back with “Why did this happen to me?”  “I lost ten years of my life,” type thoughts.

My surgeon also expedited an appointment for me with his colleague, “The Guru of Medicine,” regarding the tear in my elbow.

I’m seeing Dr. Guru this afternoon.  (!!!)

He’ll be reviewing my MRI and X-Rays and then determine what is the best approach for my elbow given The State of My Arm.

I don’t *think* he’ll be doing anything to me on this first visit.

I’m out of my sling now, but I’ve been warned to be extremely cautious with my arm.

(“Don’t fall no matter what!!”)

I keep chanting to myself, “Take it slow, don’t rush the recovery.”

But …?


8 Responses to “Monday Morning”

  1. Missy Stalcup

    I am so excited for your pain relief and the possibilities that lie ahead for returned function. It’s like a miracle!

    • Suzanne

      It is!
      I told my surgeon I feel like I received “a personal miracle.”
      He’s genuinely SO happy for me. I keep worrying I’m dreaming.
      I don’t think my brain can fully accept it yet.

  2. Marlene Beeler

    Having followed you for several years, I can only imagine the joy you feel now being pain-free! I am so excited for you and wish you brand many new beginnings!!!

    • Suzanne

      Thank you so much.
      I can’t say I’m pain “free,” but I’m just hitting the six week point.
      I may always have some pain, but I think the extreme, nightmare, pain will remain GONE.
      I’m almost afraid to believe it in case I wake up tomorrow and it has returned.
      It’s just so amazing …
      And, I’m overjoyed!

    • Suzanne

      Thank you!
      I can’t stop smiling myself.
      : )


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