There are, approximately, two more weeks until Christmas.
My family begins arriving at the beginning of next week. (!!!)
I’ve been running around like a mad woman trying to get as much done as possible before I have extra bodies in the house.
(Speaking of “the house” … my house is a MESS!)
Frank and Fred are fed up with the decrease in my attention lately.
“Really, Mom? You’re leaving us for errands AGAIN?” Frank the Newf (10 months), Fred the Newf (2 years)
They’ll be spoiled soon (and for many weeks!) with lots of extra people here to play with them.
I’m starting to freak out about Surgery #12 which is now only eighteen days away.
I’ve done a pretty good job of putting thoughts of the surgery away in a box in my brain (a Brain Box?) and refusing to think about it.
(It’s called compartmentalizing, Suzanne!!)
But, the closer the surgery gets, the more often I feel flashes of panic and sheer terror hit me at odd and unpredictable times.
(Yes, I know. I definitely have PTSD from all the surgeries.)
There are no words for the jumble of emotions I’m trying to suppress.
I keep trying to shove the fear, and panic, and terror, back into my Brain Box and slam the lid shut.)
Most of the time, I’m glad I’m busy with holidays and family because distraction helps.
On the other hand, I’ll only have one day after Christmas to catch my breath before the surgery ….
And, even then, I’ll still have family visiting.
In the meantime, I have pre-op tests, and visits, to squeeze into an insanely busy schedule.
I also have a few more gifts to purchase, a tree to decorate, lots of presents to wrap, a ton of cooking and baking to do, etc., etc.
But, along with all the chaos, I keep reminding myself how far I’ve come in the last twelve months.
A year ago at Christmas, I couldn’t do ANYTHING with my arm and I was in terrible pain.
I’ve progressed by leaps and bounds.
I know the next six months will *feel like* I’m going backwards ….
With pain, with the loss of function … with an increase in PT visits and doctor’s visits.
But, hopefully, when it’s all said and done I’ll (finally!) be able to have a fresh start to my life.
And, in the meantime …?
There’s a gigantic Christmas tree standing in my living room just waiting to be decorated.