March 29, 2017

I’ve been busy looking at model homes (and more model homes, and then – even MORE model homes).

No, I’m not moving.

I’m just trying to get ideas for a possible home remodel.

My house is old and needs some major (!!) work.

It’s overwhelming – I really don’t even know where to begin.

I wish I could just wave a magic wand and come back to a completed house.

(Or have someone bulldoze the entire house and rebuild it the way I want … in a week?)

I’ve also begun making time to take a few photos each day.

I’m trying to build my arm strength up so when I get the “get out of jail” card from my surgeon (probably in May?) I’ll be able to hold my camera.

The other day I brought home some beautiful pink hydrangeas and decided I’d take a few macro shots of them.

It’s an easy-ish workout for my arm because I can do it at home without hauling any gear.

Of course, there are some other … complications … which frequently develop when working from home.

Frank The Newf was obsessed with smelling the flowers!

Frank didn’t want to stop smelling the flowers.

Apparently, they’re Newfie-Nose-Delightful!

Here’s one of the completed photos:

Macro photo of pink hydrangeas.

I also shot some craspedia flowers.

They’re ball-like flowers.

Craspedia Flowers –  aka: billy buttons or woolyheads

Craspedia were a LOT of fun to shoot.

There are so many funky abstracts you can make out of them.

I’m going to print the above photo BIG … it will look awesome!

Paul Newman and I are ALSO continuing to work on getting me stronger.

I’m trying to adjust my expectations to be a little more realistic.

But, not many people go eleven years without using their arm …

Which means I have no one to compare myself to.

Am I failing?

Succeeding?

Will I ever get there?

And where is THERE …

And what does THERE mean?

Paul Newman has more patience than I do, but maybe that’s because he understands the process better than I do.

I’m **trying** to learn patience.

It’s a roller coaster process.

I accomplish something NEW and I feel like I can conquer the world.

“Look!  Look! I held a ONE POUND weight!!”

It’s pretty exciting to do something, even a small something, if you haven’t been able to do it for eleven years!

But then …?

The next day I’m in a lot of pain and regress.

I struggle, and fail, and get really mad at myself.

Getting an arm to work after 11 years is not a NORMAL process.

But …?

I’m happy because I *think* I’m headed in the right direction.

I feel like a one year old learning to walk.

I take a step, fall, and try again.

Sometimes I take two steps in one day.

Other days I walk backwards instead of forward.

I’m tentative even on a good day.

There are a lot of uncertainties and fears after all these years.

But …?

Anyone who’s ever met me knows there’s also a lot of determination and stubbornness.

And, my camera …?

It’s calling my name, begging me to return to it full time.

I will.

Soon.

2 Responses to “March 29, 2017”

  1. Missy Stalcup

    We all admire all you have overcome to get this far. I have friend whose daughter had a double lung transplant over one year ago and she writes beautifuly of her recovery and sometimes life threatening setbacks. You should check her out on Facebook and Instagram @fight2breathe. The day by day progress may not seem like much to you but those around you can surely measure it!

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