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The Tale of My Tampons

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** If you will be in Southern California on March 11th and you're interested in attending the Plastic Surgery party, you can go here for details. **

My male readers today should smile, wave, and walk away.  I welcome all of you nice men to come back tomorrow.  There's nothing here a man wants to read about today anyway.

Okay girls/women/people of the feminine persuasion ….

Apparently, I was leaving a trail of still-in-the-wrapper tampons behind me yesterday everywhere I went.  I didn't realize it, of course, or I wouldn't have done it.  Also?  I wouldn't have continued to do it all.fucking.day.long.

I'm not even, ahem, needing them this week.

Yet.

I suppose I should start at the beginning?  Because I know you want to read about The Tale Trail of My Tampons.

It's sort of like the story of Hansel and Gretel, but different.

I woke up with a headache yesterday.  I mainly get headaches as a result of shoulder/neck issues from my car accident.  This was different.  This felt like a PMS headache.  Frequently, right before my 5-7 days of celebrating blissful womanhood each month, I get a mean, kick-ass, headache.  

It arrives to keep my bloating and irritability company.

Do I sound like a feminine hygiene commercial yet?

I've really overbooked my calendar for the entire month of March.  Yesterday, was certainly no exception.  I needed to be all over Orange County and I knew it would be a long day of driving, errands, and appointments.  I didn't expect to return home until evening time.  

I downed two Advil with my morning coffee.  Trying to be smart, and prepared, I decided I should take some tampons with me just in case.  There was only one problem, I seemed to be out of them.  I started hunting around the house, checking cosmetic bags, old purses, etc., in search of an emergency stash.

I found some upstairs in one of my travel bags.  They were non-applicator, little, itty-bitty, tampons, perfect for travel.  I have a couple purses downstairs and I decided I would take a bunch of them downstairs with me to put in the various purses, once again, just in case.

I stuffed my pants pockets with tampons.  The non-applicator tampons are very tiny – only … maybe two inches long?  That meant I could fit a hell of a lot of them in my four pockets.  My intention, of course, was to transfer them to the purses downstairs.  I don't even remember now, what distracted me after I put the tampons in my various pockets and before I put them into a purse, but something did.

I completely forgot about them.

Sheesh, you would NOT believe the day I had yesterday.  I left the house in the morning and returned after 6 p.m.  I was in almost every major city in Orange County at some point during the day.  I drove, and I drove, and I met with people and talked, and had appointments, and blah, blah, blah.

I never did need those tampons.  My headache went away and I completely forgot all about my blessed, holier than thou, possibly approaching, celebration of womanhood.

I forgot, that is, until I was leaving my very last appointment of the day.  

"You dropped a few things," called out the male owner of my hair salon.

I was three feet out the door already.  I had just gotten the purple streak in my hair replaced with a blue streak.  (It's now a really pretty aqua!)

I was headed to my car, and extremely grateful my day was finally coming to an end.

I turned and looked at him questioningly.

I saw he already had something in his hand and he was closing the gap between the two of us as he picked up another …

Another tampon?

What the hell?

Instantly, my brain flashed on my chaotic morning and the many, many, tampons I had stuffed into my pockets.

Thank God, the salon owner is the most down to earth, nice, man I've ever encountered.  He handed me the two tampons he'd picked up.  I blushed, mumbled "thank you" while keeping my eyes diverted and walked to my car.

I know when I see him again, he'll pretend nothing ever happened.  How nice will that be?  He won't be awkward with me, or conversely overly familiar, now that he's had his hands all over my tampons.  Maybe he'll even give me a box of tampons as a gift one day now that he knows what brand I buy.

To be honest, I was almost too exhausted from my day to even care that a man I barely know was retrieving the trail of tampons I'd left behind me.

But then …

Then it hit me.

I had put two full handfuls of mini-tampons into my various pockets.

Not one of those tampons was still there.

My pockets were completely, one hundred percent, empty.

I got to my car.  I checked.  No tampons had fallen out of my pockets while I was in the car.

No, of course not.  The tampons only fall out of my pockets when I walk.

I must have left a trail of them behind me everywhere I went, all day long.

So, if you live in Orange County and you've been wanting to meet me?

Just follow the trail of my tampons …

It will lead you right to me.

© Twenty Four At Heart

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Daffodils

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* If you will be in Southern California on March 11th and you're interested in attending the Plastic Surgery party, you can go here for details. *

Daffodils are one of my favorite flowers.  They're so bright and cheery.  Who doesn't need a little bright and cheery in their life?

I bought a bunch of just-beginning-to-bud daffodils the other day.  I so enjoyed photographing them as they bloomed.

I'm thinking a series of these framed as 5x7s would look awesome in my daughter's room.  

Day 1

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Day 2

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Day 3

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I think I'm ready for spring.  How about you?

** Several of these photos have been uploaded to my photo site for those of you who are interested.  They are located in a new album titled Flowers.  Please see the photo button on the sidebar.  **

© Twenty Four At Heart

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I’m Mellllllllltttttttttting! Part 1

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I'm going to apologize upfront for any plastic surgery burn out you may get from my posts this week and next.  I have a lot of plastic surgery-related events, but no plastic surgery, going on in my life for these two weeks.  And, after all, Twenty Four At Heart is a reflection of my life.  

Yesterday, I told you about the upcoming plastic surgery party and all the pertaining details.  (Including the fact that YOU are invited!)  Speaking of, have you called to RSVP yet?

Today I'm going to tell you about my first experience with the Fat Melting Machine.

Yes, I do live in The OC, why do you ask?

For those of you who haven't been reading along, I volunteered to be a test patient for a Fat Melting Machine.  My friends at the Pacific Center for Plastic Surgery (PCPS) are considering adding this machine to their practice, but they want to see results first.

Obviously, they don't want to treat patients with it if they aren't going to get great results.

The treatment consists of six, 40 minute, sessions.  In essence, it's two weeks of Monday/Wednesday/Friday treatments.  I agreed to be a test patient because I really wanted to write about the experience whether it be a positive or a negative one.  The PCPS had absolutely no qualms about me doing so.

The experience began, in part, last Friday when I was informed I would be photographed for my "before" photos on Monday which was to be my first day of treatment.

"No problem," I said cheerfully.

"In your bra and underwear," replied the Center's office manager.

… Silence …

Say what?

If I could have un-volunteered to be a test patient right at that moment, I would have.

Over the weekend I went and bought myself some black "granny panties" to wear with a black bra I already own.  My goal was to cover as much of myself as possible for the photographs. 

My anxiety over being photographed in just panties and a bra ran high all weekend.

I kid you not, those granny panties came up higher than the waist of the pants I wore to PCPS on Monday morning.  Do people really wear those every day?

Monday morning found me at the plastic surgeon's office.  I was ushered into a room where the fat melting machine, better known as Zerona, was located.  (I will explain more about how the machine works – if it does – in future posts.)  Three women accompanied me into the room.  Two were staff members from PCPS, and one was there from Erchonia, the company which manufactures the Zerona machine.  The woman from Erchonia was there to train the others.  

I joked about my granny panties and was informed they'd prefer me in a thong.  (Briefcase always says the same thing!)  I had brought a thong with me because I wasn't sure if the lasers on the machine would work through fabric.

Grudgingly, I changed into my thong.

First, I was weighed.  I may have screeched real loudly when I saw the number on the scale.  By the way, Zerona is not designed as a weight loss tool.  It's supposed to be a "body slimming" treatment, meaning the objective is to reduce inches.

I stood against a wall with a blue background as photos were taken of my every bump, bulge, and crater of cellulite.  I turned this way, and that, to the side, to the front, and even faced backwards so my practically-bare ass could be photographed in all its glory.  When that was done, every measurement on my body was taken from my neck measurements to my knees.

Humiliating, much?

I wouldn't have minded when I was twenty, but I am .. 24 .. now, and my body has changed.  I hate to subject strangers to my extremely imperfect near-nakedness.

Quite honestly, the measurement taking and the photographing of my fat was the worst part of the entire experience.  After that was done, I hopped up on a table and laid down for twenty minutes on my back, followed by twenty minutes on my stomach.  I wore a special type of sunglasses to protect my eyes from the lasers on the machine.

Red lights moved over my body, from my waist to my upper thighs.  The lights (lasers) were neither cold nor hot.  (Although, technically, Zerona uses cold laser therapy – it doesn't feel at all cold.)  It actually feels like … absolutely nothing.

I asked questions about the machine, the technology, and what type of results I should expect during my forty minute treatment.  I was instructed to drink a lot of water to help flush my now melted fat out of my body.

Before I knew it, I was done.

I was back in my clothes in less than thirty seconds.  After that I viewed some before and after photos of other people who have been treated with The Fat Melting Machine.  Some of the results seemed pretty impressive, others not so much.

I have zero expectations for my own results.   I volunteered to do this because I thought it would be interesting, fun, and great writing material.  If I lose a few inches along the way?

Well, that would be a nice bonus.

© Twenty Four At Heart

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You’re Invited to a Plastic Surgery Party!

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The Pacific Center for Plastic Surgery is having a Plastic Surgery Party in Huntington Beach on Thursday, March 11th, from 6:30 – 8:30 p.m.  Because I have friends in high places, the center is allowing me to invite YOU, both my male and female readers, to attend this amazing event!

I know my far away readers won't be able to attend.  You will, however, get to read all about the party right here on Twenty Four At Heart.

Not only that, the Pacific Center for Plastic Surgery is also offering some special deals for Twenty Four At Heart readers whether they are able to attend the party or not.  What kind of deals?  Well, you'll have to read a little further to find out.

I'm so excited to tell you what this party entails!  I've decided to break it down in a list of expectations for you.

What To Expect at This Free Event:

1.  Scrumptious nibbles, treats and champagne.  This "event" is basically just a very fun, nice, party.  And no, you do not have to get super dressy for it, but coming like a slob would not be appropriate either.

2.  A "goody" bag for all attendees.  (I've had a sneak preview and I think you'll like it!)

3.  A chance to mingle with Dr. Horowitz and Dr. Nichter, two of Orange County's most respected plastic surgeons, and their staff.  (The nicest people anywhere!)  

4.  Some fabulous prizes will be raffled off including:  An Obagi Blue Peel (valued at $1,200), a facial by Innovative Skincare (valued at $150), Latisse (FDA approved eyelash lengthener and thickener), iS Clinical Products ($200 value), and a Vitamedica Gift Basket (valued at $100).  Oh, how I hope I WIN something!

5.  An opportunity to learn about the latest and greatest in the world of plastic surgery.

6.  Some fun people-watching.  You'd be amazed at the great stories some of the guests will be willing to share after having a glass or two of champagne!

7.  And oh yes, a chance to spend some time with me!  (I'll try to be on good behavior, but you just never know with me, do you?  At the last Plastic Surgery Party I *might* have played catch with a breast implant.  I do not recommend you do that!)

What NOT to Expect at This Event:

1. Do not expect to get in if you don't RSVP.  You MUST call (714) 902-1100 and let them know you will be attending.  Space is limited, so if you're interested please don't postpone giving them a call.  (Also, let them know you're one of my readers when you RSVP.)  Yes, you may bring friends with you as long as you RSVP for the total number of guests.

2.  Do not expect to see anyone getting plastic surgery at the party – not even Botox injections.  There won't be any procedures taking place that night. 

3.  Do not expect anyone to try and "sell" you anything or try to convince you that you need plastic surgery.  Dr. Nichter and Dr. Horowitz are professionals, and so is their staff.  Yes, you may ask THEM questions if you want ….  No, they will not point out your muffin top to you.  (I know this, because I've been to parties with them and they've never once told me I need a body lift and I DO!!!)

4.  Do not expect either of the doctors to have the time to give you a full consultation right there in the middle of the party.  They're both more than happy to answer questions, but if you'd really like to discuss your crows feet, sagging chin, baby-belly and wobbly thighs all in one conversation, you'll need to make an appointment for a consultation.  There will be a lot of guests wanting to mingle with the docs and it wouldn't be fair to the other guests if they spent the entire evening only with you.

5.  Do not expect a pair of Bionic Nipples in your Goody Bag.

Special Offer for Twenty Four At Heart Readers:

Don't ever say I haven't been looking out for my reader's best interests! 

The Pacific Center for Plastic Surgery is offering the following to all Twenty Four At Heart readers:

A 10% discount on any surgeries scheduled with their office for the 6 month period running from the March 11th event until September 11, 2010.

A 10% discount on any injectables (botox, sculptra, etc.) scheduled with their office for the 3 month period running from the March 11th event until June 11, 2010.

What do you need to do to get the above discount?

You need to tell them you are one of my readers when you book the appointment.  That's all! 

Easy-peasy!

(And no, I'm not making any money, whatsoever, off of this!)

Details, Details, Details!

The Pacific Center for Plastic Surgery is located at 7677 Center Ave., Suite 401, Huntington Beach, CA  92647.  Their phone number, again, is (714) 902-1100.  You must call and let them know if you plan to attend!

I am SO looking forward to meeting as many of you as possible.  I hope you can join me.  Thank you again, to Dr. Horowitz and Dr. Nichter for extending this invitation (and the discounts!) to my readers.

© Twenty Four At Heart

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Look! Look! Look!

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I made myself a new header for Twenty Four At Heart this weekend.  I took the photo at Crystal Cove which is in Newport Beach.  If you're one of my subscribers I hope you'll take the time to click through your reader to see it.  

Let me know if you like it.

If you don't like it?  You can just keep your opinion to yourself.

Kidding!

But if you don't, don't worry.  I'll get bored in a few months and change it up again.

© Twenty Four At Heart

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Country Memories

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About fourteen months ago, I visited my parents mini-ranch in Oregon.  I loved roaming the rural countryside while I was there.  One of my favorite snapshots from that trip, is this photo of an abandoned car.  I love the fog and the general atmosphere of isolation in this shot.

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© Twenty Four At Heart 

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Random Like That

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I've been pretty low-key, just letting my eyes rest, and staying home a lot this week.  It certainly cuts down on my blogging material when I'm not out embarrassing myself and about as much as usual.  Never fear, though, I'm seeing much better and although my eyes aren't entirely back to normal, I think life will be back to its usual craziness this weekend.

In the meantime, I thought I'd share these little snippets with you.

1.  Proving once again, I have the greatest readers in the world, it turns out (at least) one of YOU is an opthamologist.  (You know who you are!)  It is just amazing to write about a situation and have a reader reach out to me with knowledge, advise, and comfort.  It makes me love this online world even more.

2.  Proving, however, nothing is perfect ….  I found one of the strangest reader emails of my life in my Inbox this week.  Some of you people out there?  Are bizarre.  I'm still shaking my head and asking myself, "Who takes the time to write such a long, rambling, email like this to a writer on the Internet?"  The person who sent it, clearly is in need of some psychological help.  It was not from one of my regular readers.  I know my regular readers are fantastic!

3.  I ran into Trader Joe's (a market, for those of you who aren't lucky enough to have TJ's where you live) to pick up enough food for my constantly starving 14 year old son.  I debated wearing sunglasses inside the store because my eyes are still uber-sensitive to bright light.  It would not be an unusual sight to see a person with sunglasses on indoors here.  I do live in Orange County, after all.  I opted not to.  

Five minutes into my shopping trip, a total stranger looked at me and said, "Have you been crying?  Your eyes are so red!  What's wrong?"  I mumbled something about eye allergies and moved on.

But really?

What if I HAD been crying?  What if I was going through some type of tragedy?  Would I want a total stranger to approach me and ask about it?  If you saw someone in a store with red, swollen, eyes would you approach them and ask about their life?

4.  I owe a bazillion people return emails right now, I'm sorry.  I know you understand, but I feel terrible when people email me with questions, etc. and I don't get back to them in a timely manner.

5.  I no longer have a physical therapist and that makes me euphoric, frustrated and sad all at the same time.

6.  I think my treatment for my arm has reached its permanent end.  That realization also makes me euphoric, frustrated and sad all at the same time.  

7.  For the record, I think Anthem Blue Cross (part of WellPoint) is a greedy, disgusting, medical insurance company.  Our economy sucks and people are really struggling to maintain health care.  At the same time, the WellPoint CEO was discussing her million dollar plus salary, and her eight million dollars worth of stock options, in congressional hearings this week.  All the while, Blue Cross/WellPoint is raising their insurance premiums for all of us "normal" people and paying their providers, the people we depend on to take care of us, way less.

Shame on you Blue Cross!

** Hopping off my soapbox now **

8.  Since I've been stuck in the house so much lately, I find myself very bored and perusing online sites.  One of my all time favorites, is B&H for photography related stuff.  I called them the other day and spent forever talking photography with one of their sales guys.  (Honestly, their sales people are SO nice, SO knowledgeable, and gush, gush, gush!)  I feel like I can call anytime just to ask questions.

But, of course, I wasn't calling just to ask questions.  I ordered a lens on my photography-related wish list.  It should arrive today.  Guess what I'll be playing with if I can find a few spare moments this weekend?

9.  I've been shooting a few photos again in the last day or two.  I'm ecstatic and will have a few to share with you over the weekend or next week.

10.  One of the women on The Real Housewives of Orange County really is the bitch she appears to be on TV.  I bet you can guess which one.

11.  I have my first treatment scheduled with the Fat Melting Machine (I'm a "test" subject for the machine) on March 1st.  My expectation level for results is at zero, but I still think it will be an interesting experience.  I'll have details on the March 11th Plastic Surgery Party for you at the beginning of next week.  Mark your calendars!

12.  I might be watching American Idol and Tweeting while I type this, so please excuse any typos.  I feel a strong responsibility to be a Twitter Judge whenever Idol is on.  Maybe it's my extreme love for music, or maybe it's just fun to act like I know what I'm talking writing about.  In any case, I take my Twitter Idol Judging responsibilities very seriously.

13.  I could make a list like this go on for days, but I won't.  (You're welcome.)

14.  One of my readers, Queen of Chaos, called her local Cole Haan store two nights ago to inquire on my behalf about the jacket I'm searching for.  How nice is she?  They informed her, and she informed me, it will be released to stores in 2-3 weeks.

Did I mention I have the best readers in the world!?

© Twenty Four At Heart

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Train Tracks, Round 2

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Do you remember this photo?  I shared it with you in January.

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(And for those who will surely ask, yes, it is available on my photo site – see button on my sidebar.)

Something about this scene calls to me.  I take a lot of photos, but for some reason I love this one.  Maybe because it was taken at a beach I frequent, maybe it's the perspective of the tracks, maybe it's the haunting quality of the scene in black and white ….

I had the photo blown up into a 16 x 24 print.  I took it in for matting and framing.

Damn, framing has gotten pricey since a hundred years ago when I last framed something!

Nonetheless, it was worth every penny.  Now it hangs in my downstairs hallway and I get to look at it a zillion times each day.

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Often, it's the little things in life which make me smile.

Having this hanging in my house makes me so happy!

© Twenty Four At Heart

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On The Lookout!

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I've told you before, I'm not a very girly-girl.

At all.

I do have rare moments of girlishness though.

A week before my eye problems began, I saw this leather jacket in a magazine:

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It's made by Cole Haan and, supposedly, part of their spring collection.

The problem?

It isn't on their website, or apparently anywhere else in the universe.

Of course, that only makes me want it more.

And no, we don't wear jackets very often in Southern California, but that's beside the point.

I've fallen in love with its neutral color and everything else about it, without ever trying it on.  (Maybe I would hate it if I had a chance to try it on?)

As soon as my eyes are a little stronger, I'll be searching a little harder for it.  I so rarely shop for clothes, I don't feel guilty if I splurge on an item once every decade five years or so.

Cole Haan?

You're a tease!

P.S.  If anyone can track down this jacket for me, I'll be eternally grateful.

© Twenty Four At Heart

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I’m Back (Sorta)

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Thank you to everyone who has sent well wishes.  I really appreciate it.

I'm doing better, but still tenative with my vision.

And okay, I sorta feel like I've been run over by a truck too.

I'm having trouble reading still.  I'm very limited in the amount of time I can look at a computer screen.  I look at the screen for a few seconds, close my eyes to rest, and then try again.  On my MacBook, I can make the type-size enormous which helps me read.  My eyes are still in the process of healing and need a lot of rest.

Forgive me for not replying to emails and/or visiting blogs, etc. right now.  Reading hurts and I'm not supposed to be straining my eyes (reading) yet.

I've gotten all sorts of questions from people.  Some of them are funny.

For example, I do live in The OC, but I did not injure my eyes having a "chemical peel."

Which is not to say my wrinkles couldn't benefit from a chemical peel, but no thank you just the same.

Basically, I had a severe allergic reaction to some eye medication.  It began with just a lot (!) of swelling and insanely red itchy eyes for a few days … also, red itchy, hive-like, skin surrounding my eyes.  (I still feel like a raccoon with red, swollen, circles around my eyes.)

Last Wednesday, I noticed I had really blurry, clouded, vision.  I started to get scared.  I told myself it was just a side effect from the allergic reaction and would get better on its own.

When I woke up last Thursday my eyes were burning so severely I couldn't keep them open.  I never knew eyes could hurt so badly.  If I could have torn them out of my head for relief, I would have.  I was running a pretty high fever.  My eyes were bright red and tearing uncontrollably.

In addition to terrible pain, I couldn't see much of anything.

I was scared to death.

I called my eye doctor; she had the day off.  

Of course she did.

It took several hours to finally get in with another eye doctor.

He was wonderful.

Thank God.

Seriously, thank God for that eye doctor.  He wins my family's business for life.

He numbed my eyes and I groveled at his feet in thanks for the pain relief.

Well, not really, but almost.

Unfortunately, the numbing was only very temporary.  The medication used to numb eyes also slows their healing, so I had to tough out the worst of it.

The doc explained to me the allergic reaction had been so severe, it had basically acted as a chemical burn to my corneas.  A few days after the initial reaction, my corneas sloughed off the burned skin … kind of like peeling after a sunburn.

He saw severely lacerated corneas with lots of abrasions when he examined me.

The pain!  

Holy shit, the pain!

They put a special type of contact lens on my eyes.  The contact lenses are used, apparently, with trauma victims to help heal badly injured eyes.

The skin around my eyes was so "burned," it actually began bleeding during my eye exam.

I was put on a zillion types of medications, including a host of eye drops which all sting like hell.

My kitchen counter looked like a pharmacy, but I couldn't see it so I guess that's okay.  There were so many eyedrops Briefcase had to put post-it notes by each bottle to keep them, and the directions for each, straight.  Add to that, pain killers, antibiotics, sleeping pills … drugs, drugs, drugs!

I stayed in a dark room for a few days, only coming out for daily visits to the eye doctor.  

Over the weekend, I began to be able to see BIG things.  I could even see the TV eventually, but I'm not supposed to watch it yet.  (I listen to it instead, because I'm bored out of my mind!)

I wear sunglasses even in the house but I can't bear to go outside even with them on.  (The only exception, so far, being my trips to the eye doc.)  My eyes are intensely light-sensitive.

Each day is getting better.  The pain is SO much better.  My vision is improving gradually.  I'm still using a few types of eyedrops, but the number of medications has decreased substantially.

Every day I try to read, and get frustrated and panicky when I can't for more than a minute or two.  My blackberry blinking at me with its damn red light is particularly frustrating because I can't read the damn thing.  The doctor tells me it is due to residual swelling in my eyes and it will gradually improve.

I feel like I've been to hell and back in the last week.  

I look forward to getting back to my normal life.  I can't wait to go outside during daylight without the sunlight piercing my eyes with pain.  I can't wait to be able to read, and write without it hurting.  I picked up my camera and just held it last night.  Soon.

In the meantime, thank you for hanging in there with me.  I'm sorry for being such a downer lately, but things will be getting better every day now.

Thank goodness!

© Twenty Four At Heart