My weekend began a day early. Yesterday my oldest son, RC, and I spent the afternoon at the beach. It was beautiful. It was fun. We relaxed and watched the surfers. It was probably my last time alone with him before he heads back to college early Sunday morning.
I wish he didn't have to leave.
© Twenty Four At Heart
My nipples found themselves in the most embarrassing situation the other day.
If you've been reading here for any length of time, you already know I went in for breast reduction surgery last June and came out with bionic, hyper-sensitive, constantly alert, nipples. As time has passed, I've learned how to live with my new Bionic Nipples. I try not to ever, accidentally, brush up against strangers in public (or private, for that matter.) I've found bras which do a pretty good job of concealing my nipples most of the time, etc.
It's not as easy as you might think – having Bionic Nipples.
It's changed my whole way of life.
Well … sorta.
In any case, the other day I was at PT (as usual) and The Torturer had me doing some stuff out in the "gym" area. It's basically a big room with lots of tables for patients and lots of equipment to help people get their bodies healthy again. It was a pretty normal PT day. The Torturer and I had already spent some one-on-one time in a back room.
Wait a minute … that last sentence sounds so wrong.
And it shouldn't.
There are different rooms for different things …
And it was time for the gym.
As soon as I entered the gym, I noticed a man staring at me. He stared, and he stared, and he would not stop staring at me.
He was just an average forty-something Money Town man. He wasn't particularly good or bad looking. Let's just call him Average Joe.
Now it would be really nice if I were twenty again (instead of 24), and super hot, and stare-worthy. I, however, have been 24 for several years now. I still get occasional looks from men, but men don't often ever find themselves unable to look away for hours on end.
Things change a lot between the ages of 20 and 24. It's sad what time does to the body, isn't it?
When I realized Average Joe would not stop staring, I became a little self conscious. First, I glanced at The Torturer to see if he was staring at me too. The Torturer smiled at me with his terrifying, evil, grin, in the exact same way he always does. He didn't tell me I had spinach in my teeth or anything. (And trust me, if I did, he wouldn't hesitate to tell me so.)
Next, I gave myself a quick once-over in one of the wall mirrors to make sure there was nothing obvious glaring back at me. My shirt was on, my pants were zipped … there was nothing readily apparent staring back at me.
I shrugged it off. I thought, Maybe Average Joe has an obsession with blondes or something.
As I went about my gym activities, with The Torturer issuing constant orders to me, I frequently looked up to find Average Joe staring at me. I tried really hard not to look in his direction. You know how that goes … the harder you try not to look at someone, the more you do. Every single time I glanced in his direction, Average Joe was staring at me.
Pretty soon I realized Average Joe wasn't really staring at me; he was staring at my tits.
I really dislike men like Average Joe. Why is it, some men can't look at anything else if there's a set of (bionic, perky) jugs in the room?
I wanted to say, "Hey, Average Joe, there are other women with boobs in the room. You can take your eyes off of mine for a few minutes and get some variety in your life."
But I didn't.
Because basically, I'm very shy. (Even though I write words like nipples and boobs and tits and jugs on a fairly regular basis.)
A few minutes later, as I was finishing up my PT exercises for the day, Average Joe was leaving.
"Good riddance," I thought as he walked out the door.
Right then, I heard The Torturer call my name and I turned and walked over to stand by his side.
I didn't realize at the time, my nipples and I hadn't seen the last of Average Joe after all.
** Part II of The Nipple Story, the conclusion, will post on Monday. I will try to have one or two short posts up this weekend if the Computer Gods are willing. **
© Twenty Four At Heart
I'm really not trying to be a tease ….
I promise you The Nipple Story tomorrow.
I swear.
I'm all discombobulated without my computer and I'm not even kidding – I can't think in a straight line without it.
I've got the shakes.
Computer withdrawals.
It's been over 24 hours now. I'm never going to make it two weeks without my laptop.
Never.
I can't work on our desktop computer because it would involve raising my right arm up to desk level to type. I can't lift my arm to do that except very briefly because … um, I have a bum arm. Instead, I've currently stolen borrowed PR's laptop for a few minutes. He probably needs it for Facebook homework this very minute.
Nonetheless, I had to tell you about Fat Freezing because I predict it's going to be the new rage in Orange County. In fact, it's already here, but on a very limited basis.
All of my readers, in places like North Dakota and Minnesota, are thinking, "What the hell? We freeze our fat all winter long!"
Not that I'm saying you're fat. I'm sure you're not. I wasn't trying to imply in any way whatsoever, that you are fat. I just meant, if you happened to have even one ounce of body fat anywhere on your body …..
Never mind.
It's called Zeltiq.
Some of my readers in Asia and Europe may already be familiar with it?
By the way, I'm in no way endorsing Zeltiq because I haven't tried it. All I've done is read their website along with several articles about it.
The concept is something I think the OC women, and men, will jump on. It's kind of like liposuction, except entirely different. (Meaning: It's designed to decrease fat in my thighs targeted areas and not a method of overall weight loss.)
There are no needles, no need for anesthesia, no incisions … it's not surgery. Basically, it's a machine which cools fat to around 41F/5C during a one hour session. The fat pretty much freezes (actually crystallizes) , killing the fat cells. A person's body will then naturally dispose of the dead fat cells over the course of the next several weeks.
Now, what's the cost of getting rid of your tummy bulge? It depends, I guess, on how many one hour sessions it takes to freeze your fat off. In reading online reviews, it looks like $2-3,000 per body area is average. (One session runs around $800, but most areas require more than one session.)
I'm not sure how this compares to the cost of liposuction?
The big advantage, it seems, is the fact that freezing your fat off is not a painful process, whereas liposuction is. (One of my friends had liposuction on her thighs, hips and butt and told me she felt like she had been run over by a truck for a few weeks after.)
I wish someone would lipo the fat off my thighs, hips and butt too ….
However, I've already been run over by a truck car and it still hurts years later – so, no thank you.
What do you think about this new procedure? Would you pay to have your fat frozen off?
© Twenty Four At Heart
If you're reading this today, it means I'm still having computer/technical problems. I've pre-written this and scheduled it to spit out in the event I don't have the opportunity to write a "real" post.
I never write real posts anyway, right?
The good news is, I have "Apple Care" on my laptop so repairs will be free. The bad news is … I will have to abscond with other people's computers to write posts until my laptop comes home from the hospital.
I've been told it could take up to TWO WEEKS!
(I get the shakes just thinking about it!)
And didn't I just say I was going to try to get caught up on email, etc?
Hmmm. Maybe I can get some of it done. (By the way – I will still see all emails and comments via my Blackberry. How many emails I can respond to on that little tiny screen before I throw it against a wall is an entirely different subject, isn't it?)
Also, apparently I'd be better off with More RAM in my life. I felt slightly violated when the Apple man suggested it. Seriously, his eyes met mine and then he asked, "Would you like more RAM while we're at it?"
A little forward of him, don't you think?
I'll try to get back to nipple stories as soon as possible. (The comments and emails yesterday clearly indicate a great love of nipple stories from both my male and female readers.)
By the way, the comment from Mama Llama yesterday made me snort out loud. It said (in part): And my curiosity is piqued…did the nipple story have anything to do with The Torturer?
Ha ha!
*snort* *snicker* *guffaw*
And that's all I'm saying about that ….!
For now, I thought I'd share this photo.
Some of you may have already seen it via Twitter. I don't take black and white photos often, but once in awhile they seem to deliver a stronger visual impact than color shots. As I left the beach last weekend I stopped mid-track as I crossed the railroad tracks. (They run just a few feet from the beach itself.) I glanced down the tracks and thought, "Wow!"
A quick click later, I was on my way.
© Twenty Four At Heart
Omigod!
Which came first – the drugs? Or the flashing lights?
I have so many things to share with you, (like my nipples!) but my MacBook has gone bonkers and the middle of my screen has turned into an Alien Being composed of rainbow-colored flashing lights.
I am emotionally, and most often physically, attached to my MacBook so I'm freaking the hell out … it's about to DIE on me.
Dear Santa,
Please bring me a MacBook (Pro because it would be nice to step up a level as long as you're stopping in) TODAY NOW!
And yes, all my data on my possessed laptop is backed up.
If you don't back up your computer you should.
Because the aliens are coming!
And they've come to my laptop first.
Which is really no surprise when you think about it.
But I can't think about it because STOP THE FLASHING LIGHTS!
Also?
I didn't mean, just a minute ago, to say I intend to share my actual nipples with you. I meant – I have a funny story about nipples to share with you.
My nipples.
The story, I mean, is about my nipples and a funny situation they found themselves in.
Also?
A computer-savvy person told me my laptop most likely "only" needs a new video card or something like that – which made no sense to me because I don't watch many videos. However, I don't think I've turned my MacBook off for more than five minutes since the day I got it. Maybe I used whatever is inside it all up by now.
Who can say?
I'm not even understanding myself – how about you?
Someone stop the flashing lights!
Pleeeeeeease.
Ok, and then there's the deal with the drugs. Because – are the lights really rainbow colored or is it a figment of my imagination the pain meds? Are there even flashing lights at all? I feel like I'm on LSD (which I've never taken) but I'm quite sure taking LSD feels exactly like Flashing Rainbow Lights In The Middle of A MacBook Screen.
By the way, for Christmas, The Torturer gave me quite a bit of time off. (Yay!) But when I went back to PT yesterday he decided to make-up for all the time off by turning me into a weightlifter/body builder in just one three hour session.
Yes he did!
With real weights! The Torturer made me do things (sounds naughty, doesn't it?!) with a half pound weight, a one pound weight, and a two pound weight … which I can't lift without his help.
I know I'm pathetic, but I'm way less pathetic than ever before.
He's trying to kill me, I'm sure of it. Or make my arm fall off which would really be a blessing, I think.
Which is why I ended up taking pain meds.
I'm writing a lot of fragmented and run-on sentences today?
I'm trying to rush, ya see – in case the entire computer dies this very second from the flashing lights aliens.
Also?
Did I mention the Aliens flashing rainbow colored lights are making it nearly impossible to look at the screen?
Which means I'm typing with my eyes closed.
I'm a really good and incredibly fast (!) typist though, so it's probably okay. (?)
Also?
Calendars!
Several of you requested I make Twenty Four At Heart 2010 calendars available with lots of pretty beach photos. I've been busy. I thought it was a great idea, but I've had no time. I decided I would make ONE and see how it came out.
Beautiful!
It came out fantabulous! I'm so excited because it looks like a REAL calendar.
By now, most of you probably already have 2010 calendars? I'm ordering just a *few* more to have on hand. Maybe for a giveaway? The photographs I selected look so pretty blown up all big-ish for a calendar.
I'll tell you more about it when they arrive, but what do you think? Is there anyone out there who still needs a 2010 calendar?
© Twenty Four At Heart
** If you're one of the many people who have emailed me in the last several weeks, I can assure you I've read your email. Most likely, I haven't yet responded to it and for that, I apologize. I have visitors here for one more week. I will be doing my best to get caught up with all of you in the next two weeks. Thank you for your patience! **
Many of my virtual friends, around the world, have been sharing with me stories of winter. They tell me stories of temperatures I've never experienced in my life (-49F anyone?). I think maybe once, when I was in the mountains on a ski trip, I might have experienced 32 F/0 C. In fact, I think a few little flakes swirled through the air and I got really excited because it was snowing.
So, um, sorry – but that's all I know about cold weather.
However, since many of you are currently experiencing cold, I thought you might like to read about warm.
I woke up Sunday morning sweating.
Aren't I attractive?
It was 77F/25C downstairs in our house, which means the bedrooms upstairs had to be at least 80F. My house gets full morning sun and it heats up quickly in warm weather.
We decided to drive to San Clemente for breakfast at Fisherman's. It's a quick drive from where I live and it promised to be a beautiful beach day.
I was not disappointed.
It was a spectacular morning.
There were some big waves and we watched the surfers as we ate. The waves would crash so hard against the pilings under the restaurant, the table would shake. Ocean spray, from the crashing waves, shot up high enough to mist my feet through the planks of the floor. (Tip: always wear flip flops if you plan to eat outdoors at Fisherman's.)
This was the view straight in front of me while seated at my table:
PR was facing the opposite direction. This is the view from where he sat:
We walked down the pier which is currently under (re)construction. I wanted to get a photo looking back towards the town. San Clemente is nestled in the hills and comes right down to the beach.
There were a lot of pelicans diving for food. I have a weakness for pelicans. They've only recently been removed from the endangered list. In ideal conditions, pelicans can live up to 30 years. Unfortunately, it's getting harder and harder for them to find "ideal" conditions.
Sadly, this pelican, perched on top of a pier building, had a piece of fishing line entangled near his beak. Although the sight of the fishing line upset me, it didn't seem to faze him as he relaxed in the sun. (He was staring at me, can you tell?)
We walked up and down the beach for a long time.
It felt nice to be out on such a wonderful day. Everyone we saw was enjoying themselves and had a smile on their face.
I convinced myself I was burning up thousands of calories with every step I took.
We walked, and we walked, until we ran out of sand.
© Twenty Four At Heart
On New Year's Eve, I was bound and determined to capture a photo of the Blue Moon rising over the mountains. I dragged out my tripod, and lenses, and was all set to shoot a good thirty minutes before I expected to see the moon. As it turns out, the moon was covered in cloud cover until later in the evening (when I was off partying.) I got some nice eerie shots of the moon lighting up the clouds and mountains, but not a fantastic Blue Moon shot.
It wasn't a total loss though. Sometimes the best photos end up being the ones you weren't expecting to take. While I was waiting for my Moon Rise I started snapping the sun setting.
To me, this photo says "winter" in the most beautiful way.
© Twenty Four At Heart
I rang in the New Year with some old friends last night. To be honest, I'm still a little fuzzy-headed this morning. As I recall, one of our male friends celebrated at midnight with a pink party hat strategically positioned on the lower portion of his body. (I never realized how phallic an improperly positioned pink party hat can be!) When I hugged him at midnight he said, "Be careful, I might poke you."
And he did!
Happy New Year to me?
Wishing each and every one of you a wonderful, healthy, happy, fun, Twenty Ten!
© Twenty Four At Heart
Last Monday I felt a strong need to break out of holiday couch-potato mode and enjoy the beautiful day. The holidays are great, but at some point I felt like I turned into one gigantic Christmas cookie. I was seriously concerned my clothes might never fit again.
I'm sure all of you are svelte, and skinny, and exercised like maniacs during the last few weeks. I'm sure you also lived on celery sticks and water while I gorged on cow(s?) to the point of mooing in my sleep.
Also? I might have consumed a See's truckload little bit of chocolate during the holidays.
(The See's family is part of my family tree so you really can't hold me accountable for this particular weakness. I'm genetically predisposed to consume See's candy.)
Surprisingly, I was able to fit into a pair of pants so I could leave the house. Shocking, isn't it?
They might be those stretchy kind of pants, but let's pretend they're not.
There's a man-made lake in a neighboring city. My long-term readers have seen pictures of it before.
The perimeter of the lake is exactly one mile in length. I decided I could accomplish two tasks at once by walking around the lake a few times and shooting photos while I was at it.
I walk around lakes a lot for exercise. This isn't the only one within driving distance of my home. There are always a lot of other people out walking/running/biking around the lakes.
The mountains are beautiful this time of year.
By the way, the picture above is of Saddleback Mountain.
While walking, I realized it really looks like winter right now. (Well, the Orange County version of winter!) Some of the trees have lost most of their leaves.
There were a lot of birds/ducks/coots/geese swimming in the lake too.
I was looking for an opportunity to play with my Lensbaby Composer lens. I've had it for awhile, but I haven't had that many opportunities to use it. If you aren't familiar with Lensbaby, it's a camera lens which allows the photographer a lot of creativity while shooting. I'm far from an expert with mine, but it's wonderful for going completely creative-crazy as a photographer … as I did with the flowers-gone-wild shot below.
More often, I'll be using the Lensbaby simply to show motion in a creative way. You can see an example in the picture of the birds eating below.
My favorite Lensbaby photo so far, is my final photo of this post. A lady, walking her dog, came by and scared the birds. Instead of flying, they began running for the lake to escape her dog. It was a humorous sight and a perfect shot for a more creative lens.
Wishing all of you a very happy, and safe, New Years Eve!
© Twenty Four At Heart
Every holiday season I give a gift to The Torturer. Originally, when I began this tradition, I thought it would be one gift … one year. You know, a nice gesture to let him know I appreciate his efforts with my car accident recovery. This holiday season marked my fourth (!) holiday season as The Torturer's patient.
Yes, my life is pathetic.
The Torturer and I joke that many years from now he'll hobble out in a walker to care for torture me and I'll still be there trying to escape needing his torture care.
It's not funny, but at the same time – it is.
By the way, if he didn't love being with me so much he would have gotten me 100% recovered by now so he could be rid of me.
Don't ya think?
Anyway, over the years I've given some very nice gifts to The Torturer, in spite of the pain he inflicts on me. This year, however, I gave him the best gift yet.
Now, whenever he tires of hearing me bitch complain whine whimper in pain, he can tune me out easily and carry on with his job of getting my arm to work and my body free of pain. Of course, I've already informed him I might want to use a pair of his ear plugs every day once in awhile too. There could be a lot of benefits in not being able to hear him giving me rules about what I'm allowed to do bitching at me nagging me providing me with helpful advice.
© Twenty Four At Heart