Overwhelmed With Gratitude

This is the second time this week that I find myself publishing a post different from the one I had planned.  Perhaps I should stop planning.

First of all, there are no words to express my gratitude to my readers for the love and support I felt yesterday.  I admit I was concerned about publishing yesterday's post.  Most of you come here for a nice, quick, light read and a smile.  I enjoy providing it.  I thought long and hard about writing a "downer" post.  I wondered if anyone would read it and if they did, if they would ever return to read again.  

You've touched my soul. 

Yesterday Twenty Four At Heart had the highest readership since I began the blog mid-April.  My readership numbers sky rocketed.  I don't know where everyone came from, and I don't know how they all knew to come.  Despite the fact that Briefcase is away traveling, I was not alone yesterday on my "anniversary".  There were more people supporting me than I ever could have imagined.  For that, I thank you.  For the individual emails and comments, I also thank you.    

I admit, I am having a tough week emotionally.  It was not easy to write yesterday's post.  Between all the head trips which accompany a difficult anniversary, and the news from my doctor on Monday, I am out of sorts this week.  The enormity of the emotions I have been going through has been surprising even to me.  I knew I would be emotional this week, I did not realize how intensely.

Yesterday, as usual, I went to physical therapy.  The Torturer instantly sensed my mood, the tears threatening to surface, and perhaps, for the first time, the signs that I am giving up.  I couldn't pretend yesterday; I didn't have it in me to hide anything.  I saw The Torturer watching me, taking it all in, appraising me. 

I waited for the lecture.  I expected him to move into his role as a hard-ass, giving me a kick in the butt to get back in gear.  Instead he was quiet, gentle, and patient.  He acknowledged the date, let me leave earlier than usual, and talked to me for awhile before I left.  He didn't lecture me, but his words were spoken with intense conviction.  He willed me to not give up, to stay positive, to put the doctor's prognosis aside and stay focused on moving forward. 

After I left, I thought about all the hours he has also invested in my recovery.  How, it can't be easy, I suppose, to work with a patient daily for two years and then have a doctor dismiss hopes for further recovery.  I often feel so alone going through this process, but I realize now that other people in my life have a lot of time and hope invested in me too.  Sometimes it's hard to see that. 

I promise that tomorrow we will end the week on a lighter note.  In the meantime, I thank you for your support.  I thank you for your patience with me this week.  I am grateful for each and every one of you for being a part of this wonderful group of readers!

A special thank you to two of my favorite bloggers for taking the time to calm my "publishing a downer post" insecurities this week.  I value both of your opinions and support immensely!  Thank you Jason and Danny!       

Comments

[Joanne]

Yes, I was touched by yesterdays post as well. I wanted to comment then, bur feared my added "downer" would not benefit anyone. I am having a tough week and loss. I also have an "old life" and a new one. One with limitations and daily pain, though not nearly as severe or debilitating as yours. No one can understand or explain how pain and disability affect your life and state of mind. It makes me sad, and sometimes a little angry to see people take their health so glibly, and have so little empathy for those who cannot "keep up"
Hope for your miracle, as I hope for you and for me, and for whoever needs one

[Ry]

I'm so glad you were able to start today on a lighter note and I'm particularly glad the "torturer" was so sympathetic. That's really great.

I also agree with him. Doc's aren't always right, so don't give up!

[EricaB]

I am happy to hear that The Torturer took it easy on you yesterday. While you still need to keep on keeping on...somedays you need a bit of a break. Sometimes emotional release can be as helpful as a physical release.

I am so glad that you shared yesterday's post. It is important for everyone to remember what can be taken in an instant.

[Miss Britt]

Oh man, don't ever be afraid of the downer post.

Life is not puppies and kittens. We all get that.

[heart shaped hedges]

AHHH! I just left a comment on yesterday's post...found you from Jason!

Reading your profile, we must be neighbors, as I also live in Real-Housewife-ville.

Hope you are having a good day, buoyed by all the readers, prayers and love.

[kelly]

I think you're the one who touched our souls.

[Laura]

I thought the idea of blogging was to find people who you could relate to and interact with who you would never find, even with 6 degrees of separation. Don't worry about the downer posts, because they bring out compassion, which we can all use.
All the best to you.
Laura www.RebelliousThoughtsofaWoman.com