I'm going to be honest, my life is totally chaotic right now. My daughter, TR, arrived home a week earlier than expected from a study abroad program. We are trying to get all caught up before she returns to college. In addition, she is moving into her first apartment this year and that means we have a lot of shopping to do prior to her departure.
My two sons both begin school next Thursday. They need supplies, shoes that fit their enormous, fast growing, puppy dog feet, etc. On the same day they start school, I have a stressful, all day, legal nightmare commitment in regard to my car accident. Of course, Briefcase will be gone all week and no help, whatsoever, with any of it.
I requested time off of PT for next week from The Torturer and he turned me down flat. He let me take a week off not long ago and apparently that's my limit. He's such an ogre. OK, I admit I broke down in tears on him the other day due to my extremely frustrating lack of progress. I'm sure my stagnated progress didn't help persuade him to let me take any additional time off. (Can you believe he told me I'm a "very emotional" person?! DUH!!!)
My tears don't faze The Torturer in the least, and never have. He's a robot. An ogre and a robot. When he saw me yesterday he announced, "the pity party is over" and proceeded to kick my ass for the next few hours. He threw some insults in too, just for good measure. I think he figures if I'm pissed off at him, I won't cry. The man infuriates me sometimes, but there were no tears yesterday so (just perhaps) he knows me better than I like to admit. Which doesn't make him any less of an ogre.
The Torturer has been broken up with his girlfriend for a few weeks now. When he's not getting laid? It's never a good thing to be around him. I'm sure he's glad I just publicized that, but none of you know him anyway, right? So it doesn't matter. Maybe next week we'll work on finding him a new girlfriend via the Internet. I'm sure he'll appreciate my help with that.
I will do my best to post M-F next week, but if I miss a day you'll know why. I'm stressed out and insanely busy until some of these legal shenanigans are over and the kids are all back in school. I will come back to the male/female gender gap topic at least one more time sometime next week.
I thought I'd leave you today with a smile. As always, people seem to find Twenty Four at Heart through some pretty humorous Internet searches. Here are just a few recent ones I thought would make you grin. (And really, what exactly do people expect when they type some of these into their search engine??) The search words they typed are in black, my thoughts are in blue.
My neighbor's naked wife Did you really think she'd be here waiting for you?
A woman with rebellious thoughts I admit, you found me!
My bikini wax is stuck You've got a serious problem.
Balboa Island swinger's club Balboa Island has a swingers club??
My boyfriend calls me a diva and party pooper Are you?
OC trophy mom That would not be me.
Photos of hot guys I need to post more of those. Let me work on it.
Short sexy night clothes I mainly wear the ones with snowmen on them.
Old woman wearing bikini on beach It's not a pretty sight!
Bizarre but true stories You found the right website!
Flash ass tits Go right ahead, I don't care.
Hairy dick Really? What did you want with this one?
Hot wife swinger Who really wants to be married to the woman swinging with other guys?
I hate OC materialism Me too. It does provide humor, however.
Woke up and double chin dropped I'm sorry.
Butt of the year Thank you!
Blonde in tiny suit I'm blonde, but I haven't been tiny in years.
24 and still living with me Kick him/her out - now!
Spoiled teens w/mercedes No teen needs a Mercedes.
Bikini wax with hot glue Are you kidding me?
Pictures of my neighbor naked at her pool What are these men thinking?
Real OC hot blonde That must be me!
Spell obnoxious Who, me??
My writing is copyright protected and I will kick your ass if you steal content. I try to protect the identities of those I mention here by changing whatever identifying details I feel I need to change. If that makes this a fictional blog then so be it. Disclaimer: I'm in no way responsible for what I write because I'm in no way responsible.
You get all the good search terms! All of mine are for recipes (my readers are all lushes with hard arteries - the most viewed recipes are the Chocolate Martini and Eggs Benedict). When I get strange ones, they're things like "daughter's ass smells."
I don't EVEN want to know what that was all about.
Posted by: Jan | August 29, 2008 at 05:32 AM
The Torturer sounds like a dang drill sergeant. I hope he at least eases up a little bit next week while you're up to your eyeballs in stress.
Your Search Engine finds are hysterical! Seriously, what are people thinking? Mine are usually for anything Jeep related, mostly Jeep Birthday Cakes. Who knew? But I just went and looked to see what they were looking for yesterday. . . and holy crap, I've got to do a post on mine too. They're CRAZY! Thanks for the brilliant idea. I'll be sure to give you credit for it too. Very funny post.
Posted by: Donna in VA | August 29, 2008 at 06:34 AM
Good luck with the legal fiasco and since we know the Torturer reads your blog, this message is for him.
"EASE UP, BUDDY!!" "She's a woman in midlife and that's enough stress for anyone!"
*yes, exclamation points were appropriate in those statements*
Posted by: Midlife Slices | August 29, 2008 at 07:30 AM
I need someone to totally kick MY ass. I need my own little torturer. What's his number???
Posted by: vodkamom | August 29, 2008 at 08:25 AM
Those are some funny searches! :)
Posted by: Kelly | August 29, 2008 at 04:33 PM
OK, the Hairy Dick search... Clearly a blogger was trying to tell a story about how he was in this bar and a rabbi and a hairy dick came in and blah blah blah, anyway he needed a picture of it to accompany the blog entry and I'm guessing didn't find what he was looking for here and moved on the next search result.
Posted by: Margaret (Nanny Goats) | August 29, 2008 at 05:19 PM
Whew! That sounds like a crazy week. One day at a time, I guess?
Love the searches.
Posted by: Kimberly | August 29, 2008 at 06:14 PM
Bikini wax with hot glue??!! NO NO NO!!!
Posted by: Helena | August 30, 2008 at 10:14 AM
I hope you're able to find time to relax during your busy schedule. I'm going through a similar busy, crazy, rip my hair out while running around frantically time as well. (apologies for lack of comments lately btw)
Sounds like the torturer needs some rehab of his own! ;)
Posted by: Ry | August 30, 2008 at 08:46 PM
I hope you're able to find time to relax during your busy schedule. I'm going through a similar busy, crazy, rip my hair out while running around frantically time as well. (apologies for lack of comments lately btw)
Sounds like the torturer needs some rehab of his own! ;)
Posted by: Ry | August 30, 2008 at 08:48 PM