Corporate Widow

Briefcase has been traveling for most of the last seven weeks.  He always travels a lot as a result of the line of work he's in.  Sometimes he'll fly in at night while I'm sleeping, dump his laundry, repack his suitcase and be gone before I wake up the next morning.  I always really appreciate a fresh pile of dirty laundry, don't you?

Over the years I've established two different routines for my life.  There is my, "Corporate Widow" routine when Briefcase is out of town.  Then there's my "Oh yeah, I almost forgot I really am married and now my husband's here" routine.  The transition between the two has not always been easy, but after all these years I think I've got it down.

Except all of a sudden, I'm just tired lately.  I'm tired of being mother and father to our kids.  I'm tired of making every decision, paying every bill, and being responsible for everything all the time.  I don't know how military spouses do it?  How have I done it for all these years?  I think this last weekend with the 5 a.m. wake-up calls for PR's baseball tournament might have pushed me over the edge into complete exhaustion.

I find myself getting further and further behind.  I feel like a hamster running on a wheel, but never going anywhere.  Why am I wearing myself out and getting very little accomplished? 

The fall is always the most intense travel time of the year for Briefcase.  I think I ask myself these same questions every November.

I think I need a change.  Yes, I've decided it's time for some important changes in my life.  I need newness.  I need excitement.  I need a change to my routine.

I need a sex toy.

Maybe I need to go to a "romance" party?

Briefcase gave me a sex toy as a gift once upon a time.  It was the size of a dinosaur appendage and it scared the crap out of me.  Seriously, I can't imagine what anyone was thinking making a toy that size.  I could give birth to quintuplets all at the same instant and they'd be smaller than Dinosaur Sex Toy.

And why did he buy it?  Why not buy a more ... modest toy?  What, exactly, goes through a man's mind when he purchase a four foot long, eighty pound dildo with the circumference of a large watermelon?

"Here beloved, let's see if we can tear your body in half with this!?"

I think a romance party might be fun.  The problem is, I can't imagine having one at my house with two teen boys living here.  Most of my friends have kids too.  Is there anyone out there who'd like to volunteer to have a sex toy romance party in Orange County?

And if not, where do I buy a sex toy?  And which one?  I'm sure they're available on the Internet.  I'm hesitant though after all the weird Google searches I get here on Twenty Four At Heart.  I'm afraid to Google, "I really could use the perfect sex toy."  Or, "Briefcase has been gone for seven weeks and I'm getting desperate for a toy that does it all!"

Don't be shy.  I need tips (ha!)!!  Seriously, where do I find a romance party?  Do you know of a legitimate sex toy website?  What sex toys are best? 

Comments

[Joanne]

The most imaginative ones are hand made, solid blown pyrex glass. They resemble art work, truely lovely. The appeal of these is that they can be sterilized, they can be warmed or cooled for added stimulation, and come in modest sizes (LOL). I will look for a website and email it to you, but I got mine on Ebay, you can always look there

[Kristan Hoffman]

LOL this took a very different turn than I was expecting.

I am also a "corporate widow" lately, though not to the same extent as you b/c (a) we're not married, and (b) the intense traveling just started, but I think I get how you feel. Personally I just curl up on the couch with a good book and/or the remote (for the noise -- I don't like how quiet/alone I feel when he's gone, which the puppy helps with but doesn't fix) and then jump him when he gets home. Maybe you should have Briefcase wake you in the middle of the night instead of just packing and leaving?

Also, some men probably buy HUGE ones b/c they like to think that's what resembles their own. ;)

[Di]

Sounds to me like the brain needs stimulation. Think back to what your interests used to be... maybe in your pre-Briefcase years.

I have a girlfriend who went through the same thing with her hubby on the road most of the time and she raised the children. Got to the point she needed a psychiatrist unfortunately. It takes a very strong woman to hold down the home-front all by herself... Be kind to yourself..... do things that make you happy even if it's just to read a good book, go to an art show, paint... hell, anything you once enjoyed but perhaps gave up.... for me happiness is not about sex, but all the other things that make my life rich because I choose to do them even though Hubby does not. Take care.. and a big hug to you today.

Di
The Blue Ridge Gal
http://theblueridgegal.blogspot.com/

"Bloggers taking care of bloggers"

[Jan]

I can't believe I'm going to do this, but...

http://ambiance.com/

I won't answer ANY questions. NONE.

Nor will I tell the story of the anal beads that would have made a bull elephant shriek in horror at the thought of using them. Nope. Won't do it.

[SSG]

LOL Jan's comment! hahah!
Anyways here in the UK we have ann summers a mainstream "sex" shop, so you can just go in there after your groceries and get something. You can get vibrating stuff in tesco (supermarket) nowadays anyways... I think the more things to try the better... go for it. Though toys are always more fun using them with someone... MrC works shifts so is away a lot of nights, I just arrange to do a lot of stuff or catch up with housework, enjoy a good book. Don't envy you with him being away most of the time though...

[Lo]

er, okay, Jan's anal bead comment? yeah. that kinda freaked me out. just sayin'.

dude, this is SO hilarious. i love that you blog for advice on a dildo. who are you??? are you like, the most un-shy up-front person ev-ar?? i love it.

and uhm i have no advice. my husband is kind of freaked out by sex toys. i know. the only man alive who freaks out about ENHANCING our sex life.

and... pyrex? dildo off ebay? hun, i'm kinda wondering about your readers now. there's, like, a whole new WORLD out there. maybe you were smart to come to the internet for help.

good luck on your hunt for the perfect dildo. you need to tell us the results! (er, i mean, if you have any luck. not like... what the result is after using one.)

[alntv]

Wow. That is a very strange coincidence! My wife is a business widow this time of year (as you can tell by my site!) and, for a while, was SELLING sex toys. Go to Pure Romance. They are based out of Cincinnati, but I think they have reps all over the country! Have fun! And buy lots of batteries...

http://pureromance.com/index.aspx

[Kelly]

LMAO!!! Ha ha! Turning that post around midway? hilarious! We have a *ahem* store near where I live so I haven't done the Internet thing. Otherwise I'd give you some *tips* to help out.

[Liz C]

I've heard good things about 'The Rabbit' but I'm afraid to do a web search for it - I'm at work.
:)
I gave up on toys decades ago. I usually manage OK, um, on my own.

[MLS]

When I started reading I was thinking...."Oh, this isn't going to be a sex post." then I got to the middle. Ha!

The first thing I did was scroll down really quickly to see if Jan had been here. She never disappoints me. :)

[Linda]

Um, I saw some stuff in Rite-Aid (Eckerd) drugstore, um, near the lubricants. Not that I was in there looking cuz who goes to the corner drugstore looking for sex toys where you might actually see someone you know, by first name, and they'll be all like "hi, how are you? whatch ya doin'? Picking up a few...oh, OH! MY!" Yea. Just sayin.

[goodfather]

Um, I don't think I'm supposed to comment on this one. I'll just let myself out the back door (heh)...

[Kristan Hoffman]

Perhaps another fun contest for your site would be to guess how many "um"s will be generated in the comments by the awkwardness of your post. :P

Dunno if my "um" up there (or right here!) would count towards it...

[Helena]

Well, one good thing about being single is that you only have to do your own laundry. While I was away in Spain my friend told me that she'd ironed her husband's shirts before she left so she didn't have to do it when she got home. When I asked her why he can't iron his own shirts she couldn't give me an answer. Buy him 7 t-shirts, I'd say. One for each day of the week.

As for sex toys I'm saying nothing.

[Heather]

** Blushing ** I haven't ever been the one to do the actual purchasing. But do let us know what you end up buying! :)

[Lucrecia]

um... adamandeve.com not that I know from experience or anything ;-)

[dadshouse]

As a single dad, I think all married people should realize how great they have it with a built-in bed partner. Have more sex, people!

As a man, I think all sex toys should be destroyed and replaced by willing men, like me.

[thistle]

you truly are an intrepid writer...and i love how people comment but not really comment on the subject...kinda like this comment :)

also i have to agree with dadshouse here...you married people should stop complaining...seriously...

[Jason]

I'm happy you thought of me, but I don't recall ever posting about sex toys. I think some kids read my blog.

Anyway...that won't stop me from commenting on YOUR blog about it! But why do you think I know so much about sex toys?

Well, I know a bit. But mainly it has to do with what I like, and seeing as you and I don't have the same body parts, I doubt I could give you pertinent advice. Although I do say you should stay away from GLASS sex toys! That sounds like just a bad idea, dontchathink?

I have just gone to West Hollywood to buy my stuff, rather than online, because I like to see and feel and touch and manipulate in person. But I'm sure if you go to one of these websites other commenters have suggested you could find something! Start out, shall we say, conservatively, nothing sized like a watermelon or with strange appendages or weird wart looking bumps. Then from there, you could branch out.

If you were a guy, I'd say go for the flesh jack!!! That thing is amazing! You could check it out just for fun, maybe Briefcase would like to take one on his trips! I'm sure he gets lonely, too.

www.fleshjack.com (explicit!)

PS-I think you should have a party! Send your boys away for a night or something.

[CourtneyRyan369]

Hi Hi!
Thanks for the well wishes. I'm actually feeling pretty good til about 3pm and that was it!

Onto YOUR post for today!

Websites:
Adam and Eve
http://www.adameve.com/
X Toys USA
http://www.xtoysusa.com/
Vibrator World (good info)
http://www.vibratorsworld.com/

I can't remember what site had the little guy who helped you pick one out (kinda like the paperclip in Word) but he was fun!

Spencers also has them...you know that store at the Mall? Um, yeah.

Oddly, I don't have one so I can't offer suggestions there, but good luck!

[sometimessophia]

You are an amazing woman. Your description of the dinosaur dildo was too funny. And the comments... um... enlightening. (What's the deal, Jan? You're such a tease...) I'm really dying to hear the follow up to this post... you know, after you've had a chance to test drive the merchandise. A basket of sex toys? Way to go.

[Lori]

Just had to say how much I enjoyed this post and all the comments...very fun to read. Look forward to hearing what you find to "entertain" yourself while hubby is away!

[Amy]

My two favourite shops in the US:
http://www.goodvibes.com/
http://www.babeland.com/

[Mike]

Dinosaur appendage. LMAO!

[Tricia]

You just keep getting funnier and funnier, or is it braver and braver?

First, can I just say that Jan is obviously much naughtier than I gave her credit for.

Second, I just learned a tremendous amount from your other readers, oh yes I did.

[Mama Dawg]

This is a great post!

Yeah, as some others have said, try adamandeve.com

They're discreet and have decent prices. I've purchased several toys from there (single mother w/no interest in dating, believe you me, I'm a regular).

Start off with something simple and then work your way up to the more interesting toys.

If you go for the "my first rabbit" keep in mind, it's short in length. But, it does the job.

Enjoy!

[Sugee]

Go to craigslist.org and click on your area. Once on that home page, click "events" in the top left somewhere and those romance parties are always listed in there.

[adult toys]

well if ur looking for the perfect romance party dildo toy its the rabbit vibe, I am a huge fan of the rabbit vibrators! you can find it in online shops.