Men Vs. Women - Again

Last year I did a series of posts on men, women, and the gender gap between the sexes.  That conversation opened up some very frank sexual discussions on Twenty Four At Heart.  

Those posts were read by Neil Kramer over at Citizen of the Month and through them he and I began to become acquainted in the way blogging people sometimes do.  Now, several months later, I consider Neil a friend although we've yet to meet in person.  Two nights ago Neil began a Twitter conversation and it got me thinking about a lot of those same male/female issues again.

Neil began the whole discussion by saying women understand men better than men understand women.  I commented back that women, in general, are more intuitive with their people skills than most men are.  I added also, men are too caught up with their penises to be developing intuition towards women or some of those same people skills.

Disclaimer:  This whole conversation was based on generalities.  You don't need to tell me about your Uncle Larry who is in touch with his feminine side and has amazing, intuitive, people skills.  Nor do I want to hear about Aunt Imelda who spends all day touching herself in a corner and has no people skills whatsoever.  I realize full well these stereotypes don't always apply.

Generalities, okay?

Let's back up.  Do you agree with the statement women understand men better than men understand women?  Personally, I agree with Neil on this one.  I think women understand men better than men understand women.

Are women more complicated than men?  Maybe.  I don't think I'm complicated in the least.  When asked, Briefcase however, says I am.  He tells me I'm less complicated than many women he's met, but I'm "certainly not simple."

Really?  I had no idea he thought I'm anything but extremely easy to figure out.  In fact, if asked, I'd say I'm transparent.  Hmmm.

Are men too dense or unwilling to figure women out?  Too dense?  I don't think so.  Women spend time trying to understand and anticipate the needs of the people who are important to them.  The men I know (*ahem*) don't give it a thought.  Men, the majority of time, tend to show up and then deal with whatever's on the table.

Do you feel men are the more complicated sex?  Let's be honest here.  Men are pretty easy to please.  Good sex, good food, and lots of ego stroking.  Does it really take much more than that?

Neil went on to contradict himself a few times throughout the evening.  Initially he stated men don't think about naked women all the time.

Stop laughing!  

Of course men don't think about naked women all the time.  There are moments when men think about food or their work.  Wasn't there a study done with results indicating a sexual thought goes through a man's mind approximately every 7 seconds?  Clearly, that leaves 6 seconds for other non-naked thoughts to fill a man's mind.

Neil asked if we (Twitter) thought he'd jump into bed with a woman if he came home and found one in his bed. 

Unless she was absolutely and extremely repugnant (meaning: dead), yes Neil, I do. 

He seemed to imply most men are too romantic to do so.  

Isn't he funny?  I think that's one of the reasons I like Neil so much.  He makes me laugh all the time.  I especially laugh when he makes statements like that.  

Romantic?  

Men?

Theoretically it's possible for a man to be romantic.  In most relationships, once the initial courtship is over, romance is scarce if existent at all.

Then Neil asked me point blank if I, personally, assumed he would be checking me out when we meet in Chicago at BlogHer (writer's convention) in July just because he's a man and I'm not.

I replied no and I meant it.  I certainly don't expect Neil to be checking me out at BlogHer.  

Do I think Neil will be checking out many of the young, hot, mommy bloggers he openly covets while he's there?  Absolutely.  I think it would be physically impossible for him not to.

Next Neil contradicted his earlier statement by asking if it bothers women that men sexualize everything we do.  He asked if women "just accept it."  

Which is it?  Are men not thinking about us naked all the time or are they sexualizing everything we do?

When I enter a room and my now bionic, hyper-sensitive, nipples pucker prominently do the men in the room assume I'm hot for them?  Because, honestly, I'm probably not thinking about those men at all.  In addition, it isn't even crossing my mind they are noticing my boobilicious nipples.  I'm busy thinking about other things.

If I bend over to pick something up, what happens?  Are the men in the room noticing my not-as-firm-as-it-should-be (meaning: jello) ass and thinking about doggy style sex?  Or do they just think, "Oh look, 24 dropped something."

There's a lot of points up for discussion today.  What do you think?

© Twenty Four At Heart

Comments

[Joanne]

I think that we (women) are as covetous of male sexual attributes as men, absolutely. "generally"(as requested) speaking, I think most women like to "study" a nice butt, a six-pack of abs, and maybe daydream about the package in those pants. The DIFFERENCE is that that leads us (women) into a rapid fire, random sequence of imaginings that may go from tighywhitey/vs/boxers, to his job, his hair gel/ or lack of; and pizza or chinese; to his relationship with his mother; while our male counterparts are still mumbling "did you see her nipples!?"

[Beth]

Most men I know covet a woman for her beauty and sex appeal. Personality and intelligence are just small factors in the equation. Most women, on the other hand, are more interested in a man's personality and intellect. While I think women want the sex to be good (and we do think about it sometimes), the conversation and life has to be good, too. I'm not sure that some men ever think beyond the sex appeal part.

[Alan]

We show up and deal with what's on the table. I like that. And there is definitely truth to it. As for the thinking about sex all the time part? Well...I'm married and find that sex isn't as much a part of my relationship anymore. I do think about it, but the lack of interest from my wife has kind of dulled that part of the marriage. Don't know if that happens to everyone, but this is my 2nd marriage that has fallen into that pattern and it's not due to my interest. It just seems like women tend to not need sex as much. Its not something they have to have to be happy. But the truth of the matter is...give me a night of a great dinner, possibly a good movie and then sex and it makes my year! LOL

[Hallie]

I'm a happily married gal yet I'd still look at your new super nipples!!

Hallie :)

[sometimessophia]

Over-generalizations... So much other stuff enters into how we approach sex... age, work-related stress, fatigue, etc. Women's sex drive is more cerebral; men's retains a vestige of fight-or-flight survival skills. It's how we are hard-wired, not a character flaw... If some men are more attuned to the female point of view, was there an extra X chromosome somewhere in their past? Or a lower levels of testosterone?

Women's and men's brains develop differently - proven science - so there's no men vs. women debate. It is what it is.

[Jan]

Generally speaking, men are very basic creatures and their needs can be reduced to three basic things: food, sex and work (unless you're my ex-husband, when work doesn't really enter the picture).

I don't know if women are more complicated, but generally speaking we are more complex emotionally. It takes more than just food, sex and work to make us happy.

And while I don't want to get into a debate with Alan over whether or not women can be happy without sex, I'll tell you that is not necessarily true. I am a middle aged woman who enjoys sex more now than I did when I was younger, but my sex drive has tanked somewhat due to hormonal issues, which is very common in women going through menopause. The next time you're watching television, make note of how many ads there are for medications on the market dealing with erectile dysfunction and other male sexual concerns and then see how many there are for female sexual concerns. Then go to a doctor and try to get one - even a woman doctor - to help a woman with her libido problems.

You might just be surprised.

[Kelly]

OMG! I'm picturing your friend Neil coming home to find a dead woman in his bed and being disappointed. I also think that jello ass or not the guys in the room would be thinking doggy sex if a woman bent over near them. You're exactly rt men don't ever anticipate what women want/need/would like.

[Deb on the Rocks]

Poor Neil. Always opening the door, never a woman in the bed!

[Neil]

Actually, I do have a story of a woman coming into my bed. My roommate was having a party and she was his ex-girlfriend. And apparently, he hooked up with another woman that night. I was bored with the party, so I went into my room to watch an Alfred Hitchcock movie and fell asleep before the movie ended. I woke up at 2AM to find her in bed with me, tipsy, upset about her ex, her hands all over me. She was a very attractive woman, but I found myself insulted that I was some sort of second choice, and I also wanted to watch the last fifteen minutes of the movie. So, I kicked her out.

So, there.

[Mike]

If I came home to a woman in my bed, I'd do her. Why not?

[churchpunkmom]

I'll start by saying, I am a lucky woman to have found a man who is not 'average'. He actually is romantic (and we've been married nearly 10yrs now), and is very considerate and attentive about my needs and desires. I can't even hide from him when something is bothering me.. though I know he did learn some of these intuitive skills from me, at least he has taken the time to learn them and use them...
That's not to say he doesn't have his flaws or hasn't 'messed up' on occasion. ;)
However! He also realizes what a turn on it is for him to behave this way and well, we all know that the more he turns me on, the more sex he gets. Right?
There's a method to his madness. ;)

Also, it's true. Men and women are wired differently - everyone knows that. Men are visual, women are emotional. There's nothing wrong with that - we work together and compliment each other. I find that our differences don't cause division but rather make us more complete together - in some ways, what I have he lacks and what he has I lack. We need each other.

Still, I do think that MANY if not MOST men would gladly get dirty with a gal who mysteriously showed up in his bed. ;) Eyeballs, brain, penis.. they all work together quite well.

[Kate]

Neil may be hot for the young mommy bloggers but I think you're kidding yourself if you don't think he'll be checking out EVERY female he encounters. He is, after all, a MAN. You nailed the part about men not anticipating female needs. Nailed it!

[Linda]

-Are women more complicated than men? Maybe. Women are (generally) more emotional.

-Are men too dense or unwilling to figure women out? Too dense? I don't think so. Men are visual. (in general) Subtly doesn’t work.

-Do you feel men are the more complicated sex? Um, No.

Romantic? Men? (In general) not after marriage.

-Neil is SO going to be checking out your bionic, hyper-sensitive, nipples (and your ass)

-Does it bother women that men sexualize everything? It doesn’t bother me. I “just accept it" but I don’t expect it from every man. (Wouldn’t want to generalize too much:)

[Ben, the romantic]

I really like the conversation going on here. As an old-fashioned romantic type, I can say that though men have simple needs and are generally lazy and selfish, there's nothing in the world like a man who's fighting for something he cares about. I think part of the male dysfunction is that the female gender often gives in to our simple needs too easily. If women made us fight for their respect and admiration more, I think they'd see us shape up in a hurry. That's not to cast the blame on women, it's just a possible alternative solution. Men really do want to have something worth fighting for, worth suffering for. If we don't have it, we succumb to laziness and our simple desires. But I agree with your generalizations fully. Most men are exactly as you depicted, sadly. Thanks for the thought provoking conversation.

[Joanne]

I used to know a lecherous old married man who would always claim any opportunity to remind us all that ...
"The WORST sex I ever had was fabulous!"

[Tricia]

I was talking with a male friend the other day about communication dilemmas between the sexes and he said, "Women always think when we're driving down the road quietly, we're deep in thought about something important. It's not true," he said. "We're not thinking about anything. We're just reading the billboards and it takes concentration to read and drive at the same time."

I thought this summed it up quite nicely.

[Lynn]

Most of us have not-as-firm-as-it-should-be asses. Just sayin.

[Fragrant Liar]

Well, first off, the only time men don't think about naked women is when they've just bedded one and they're starving.

Second, Women are definitely more complicated than men, just by virtue of the way our brains work. Very little (if anything) is cut and dry. Men? Oh yeah. Is it black or white? White? Okay. This example is exactly we understand them better. We get black and white. We just want to make sure we didn't miss any gray areas.

I don't think men are too dense to figure women out; I just think they're not equipped. They lack estrogen.

:)