I Might Be a Little Stabby

I was going to be funny today.  Oh yes, I was.

I had lots of funny inside me and I was just waiting to crack myself up.

I love to crack myself up.

Instead, I'm pissed off and downright stabby.  I'm showing amazing restraint (!!) by writing an intentionally vague post about this situation.

Because ... you know ... it's in my nature to use the written word to unleash my emotions at their fullest.

I'm not going to do that today.

(But I want to.)  

I almost titled this post, "Fuck Off!"

I decided to go with a more demure title.  

Aren't you proud of me?

It's a little disappointing when you discover someone you consider a friend is, in fact, not a friend at all.

Hellooooooooooo out there?

Are we not adults?  Don't the childhood games end in childhood?  Don't people learn the basic rules of honesty, integrity and respect as they grow up?  Do forty-somethings really need to play games and throw darts at each other in the dark?  At some point, don't most of us learn to discuss our misunderstandings or hurt feelings instead of playing games with them?

*Ahem*

Suppose, hypothetically speaking, your family had a tough few weeks.  Perhaps one of your kids caught Swine Flu which developed into pneumonia and lasted for weeks.  Perhaps as you cared for him, you caught H1N1 also.  Just as you were starting to get everyone healthy, perhaps, that very same kid suffered the worst possible break to his ankle and needed immediate surgery.

Maybe, just maybe, you'd think your friends would understand things were a little chaotic.

Maybe, when one of those friends asked for a favor, you agreed to help them out anyway.  Maybe you've helped this same friend out before with some pretty big favors.  Maybe you enjoy helping people out when you can.  

Because, after all, you are a good friend.  

Maybe, that *friend* then flaked out on you and did not take you up on the favor you worked very hard to make happen for her/him.  Maybe he/she didn't even bother to call or let you know why he/she flaked out.  

The work you did to make that favor happen when your life was busy and chaotic?  Was wasted and you never received any legitimate explanation as to why.  You also never received an apology of any type from your friend for the futility of your efforts.

(You know, because you did jump through hoops and do all sorts of behind the scenes things to help your friend out.)

By the way, not to throw a pity party ... but some of those efforts to make that favor happen?  Were damn hard to do with one arm.

Just sayin' ....

Then maybe, just perhaps, a few days later that same friend called and wanted the exact same favor she/he never took you up on before.  This time, when he/she called, you were busy and could not return the phone call for a few hours.  (Possibly you were at physical therapy where phone calls are not allowed.  Perhaps, you did not even have your phone in the same room as you.)  

When you were able to return the missed phone call, you re-extended the same favor to that very same friend.  However, the friend was in a huff and initially voiced disappointment you weren't there for them when they needed you.

As in - the very minute they called.

Maybe you were a little confused by this.  Maybe you thought, "What the hell?  I tried to help you out and you flaked on me.  Now, I'm trying again and you're getting angry."  

Maybe you tried to discuss this with your friend.  Maybe the friend calmed down and acted like everything was sincerely wonderful once you were actually having a conversation.  Maybe you hung up the phone thinking there had been a little miscommunication (perhaps even, a downright lack of communication), but everything was now okay.

And then ....

Oh yes, and then ... maybe you were caught in utter surprise and shock when that very same *friend* used a very public forum to rip you to shreds.

© Twenty Four At Heart

Comments

[Joanne]

[[Because, after all, you are a good friend. ]]
No, Honey... that is definitely NOT a "good" friend, and perhaps, not even a friend at all.
I think you should allow her a wide space to get her shit together

[michele]

Having a good friend is a privlidge and a gift and your friend will soon know this, when she has NONE!

PLEASE post her blog se we can read it!!!

Hope your little one is feeling better

[Carol S.]

Ummm...the web world is a strange place. I was with you in your anger, and then to read about them using a public forum to rip you to shreds, that is not right. I walk away from people that don't fill my cup. Anyone that knows you, will see through their shallowness. Don't fight fire with fire, just walk on by on the high road. Let it go, let it go...look out your backyard and be grateful for the good things in your life.

[Jan]

Well, with friends like that, you certainly don't need any enemies. And you are certainly showing far more restraint than the friend. No name? No mention of what the favor was? Whoever it was doesn't deserve the courtesy you're extending, IMHO. Although I certainly understand it.

(((24)))

[di]

Time to find a new 'friend'. They are obviously showing their true colors and you don't need a rainbow like that in your life. I have no patience for actions like that... passive aggressive, shitty behavior.

Hugs,
Di
The Blue Ridge Gal

[Lori]

You surely don't need a friend like this. The fact that up until recently she was disguised as a friend and has now been exposed is hurtful. I've had friends like this and it hurts like hell. Taking the high road and not stooping to her level says a lot about you and your character. XXOO Lori

[Jenn in Tenn]

It truly is heartbreaking when a "friend" shows their true colors in that way. Good for you for letting these feelings out. People really do suck sometimes.

[Linda]

What's that saying? Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. I commend you in your restraint and the taking of the high road. With friends like that, who needs enemies? Let it go 24. He/she's not worth it.

[Jane]

That is horrible! I'm just going to echo what everyone else is saying....this isn't a friend. Let it go.

[Kristan]

:(

[Kelly]

24 showing amazing restraint! Would have been fun to read this if you really unleashed and gave the full story, but its admirable you kept it vague!

[Andrea (@shutterbitch)]

Dude, what public forum? I don't take kindly to people shitting on the efforts of the generous and kind people of the world. I'd like to know more about this so called friend. So maybe I could extend a virtual leg when s/he's walking by.

Fuck that noise. That's the last time I would bother with that person.

[Mike]

I don't have patience for that crap. I'd blow them away and they'd be very sorry they were such a shit.

[Michelle Pixie]

I would say that person would not be such a friend of mine any longer! Some people really suck!

[NeCole@Eclectic Ecstasy]

You are right, you don't have to put up with that shit. Close the door on that one. That person is just a major user of others and clearly has no social graces. Obviously, she thinks you are a doormat.

[Maureen@IslandRoar]

OH, I'm so sorry; getting pissed off just reading about this after the past month you've had!
Everyone is right; sad as it is, this is no friend. Let it go. You have bigger fish to fry.
Yes, add my hugs to those being sent!

[Jess]

You couldn't have been more right when I went through that back-breaking, financial leaps, sitter scheduling and re-scheduling, and dwindling Husfriend's vacation and sick time to zero debacle with my "friend". Who was turning 29. Who projected my self-centeredness. They really don't get any better with age.

Sorry you had to do deal with this. It blows when all you wanna do is help someone who needs you and then when you need help or work so hard, you get, well, shit on. A big, steaming pile of shit.

The best is that I could probably bet a million bucks that he/she is trying to make you out to be the bad guy. (see: ripped you to shreds on a public forum)

Bitchassness.

[LPC]

Where? Where? Must go deliver withering storm of disdain. Hah. We have your back.

[Cate]

Ditto to all of the above. And have experienced similar in recent weeks. Is it just me, or do "true" friends seem fewer the older we get?

Hang in there.

[Midlife Slices]

Man, I sure hope the "friend" reads this and gets the message that they need to get. It's so disappointing when you realize a relationship is so one sided and you've been carrying the bulk of the weight. Don't waste another minute stressing over this so called friend and move on to other friends who are more deserving of your good will.

I'm so sorry your family has been through so much shit the past month. I'm barely online since we've been working on our guest house project but i try to check in every once in a while. I hope your son's ankle is healing nicely and everyone is over the flu. HUGS

[san]

Are you *effin'* serious? I can't believe the nerves that some people have...

[Mad Woman]

I walk away from people like that. If that "friend" had issues with you, she should have taken them up with you personally, not ripped you to shreds in a public forum.

True, good friends are hard to find the older we get.....so when people act like that, it's just easier to turn away.

[Carol S.]

oh and on the ankle front...can I just say my 74 year old mother who is totally with it (except slipped down the stairs by accident), broke her ankle a couple of months ago. Had a very rough start, some tough setbacks with infections related to the injury and otherwise, couldn't manage crutches so was stuck with hopping on one foot with a walker, not in great physical shape, and generally was recuperating slowly...but darnit if she isn't getting around well on a walking boot without the walker! I thought for sure it would be months, so I'm really hoping its faster for your coordinated, young, athletic son. He WILL be back at it and WILL be playing ball when the season comes around.

[jessica]

darlin, that ain't no friend. that is a user. Trust me when you stop doing her favors she will stop calling.

[Ginger]

Sadly, these people are everywhere. There's one in every family, one in every crowd and, I'm sure, one in every blogging circle. I once belonged to an online forum for step parents. For, you know, supporting one another. Due to a couple of these type people, it was the worse experience of my life.

[Alan]

Um...I'm your friend. Please don't hurt me. Sorry it took me so long to respond to this. Please?