I was in Money Town several times this last week. In fact, I was at three Money Town parties recently. This is what I learned:
1. My dream kitchen does exist. It just doesn't belong to me.
2. There is no such thing as too much cleavage.
3. Money Town folks can easily get lost in their own houses because there are so many damn rooms.
4. It's fun when you get lost in your own house because you rediscover rooms you totally forgot about. Oh look - it's the Sit And Ponder Life room!
5. There is no such thing as too much "help."
6. I could be happy with caterers working in my kitchen to indulge my every whim.
7. Strawberry infused vodka is a good thing.
8. Money may not buy happiness but it can get rid of wrinkles and fat.
9. If you are hit hard by the economy, and live in Money Town, you must not alter your extravagant lifestyle because the neighbors might talk.
10. Some Money Town kids learn to be pompous assholes at a very young age.
11. Actually, strawberry infused vodka is a very, very, good thing!
12. There are nice people in Money Town too.
13. Even the not-so-nice Money Town people get nicer when they drink enough strawberry-infused vodka.
14. If you're a Money Town wife you're expected to stay fairly sober at MT parties so your husband can get sloppy drunk and make a fool of himself staggering around, staring at other women's cleavage (and/or bionic nipples), and telling the same stories over and over again. You are expected to be the designated driver to get home.
15. As a Money Town woman, it's not good form to hit on someone else's husband while yours is in the next room. His wife might, hypothetically, write about it on her blog. (You don't want to look like a whore to all of Orange County and the entire Internet, do you?)
* Even if you are one.
© Twenty Four At Heart
My writing is copyright protected and I will kick your ass if you steal content. I try to protect the identities of those I mention here by changing whatever identifying details I feel I need to change. If that makes this a fictional blog then so be it. Disclaimer: I'm in no way responsible for what I write because I'm in no way responsible.
Holy crap...she hit on your husband? Ho bag. I like your list. I wonder how many feathers will start a-rufflin'?
Posted by: Mad Woman | December 21, 2009 at 12:54 AM
I'd have thought his wife could even give the Money Town woman a good old slap.
Posted by: stoneskin | December 21, 2009 at 01:03 AM
OMG! LMAO!! Does she read 24? Oh my ....!!!
Posted by: Kelly | December 21, 2009 at 01:17 AM
Ha ha, I love number 15!
Posted by: Judy | December 21, 2009 at 02:13 AM
Go ahead and write about it... I'm listening... LOL
Di
The Blue Ridge Gal
Posted by: di | December 21, 2009 at 03:49 AM
man, I miss all the good stuff!
Posted by: Joanne | December 21, 2009 at 04:04 AM
Oh wow. I sure haven't been to a pah-tay like THAT in a very, very long time!
I, too, look forward to reading about It!!
Be well, 24.
Posted by: mama llama | December 21, 2009 at 04:38 AM
Now THAT sounds like a Party!
Gotta get me some of that strawberry infused vodka...
Posted by: Maureen@IslandRoar | December 21, 2009 at 05:39 AM
What Maureen said!
Posted by: Linda | December 21, 2009 at 06:06 AM
Oooooo - I want some strawberry infused vodka!
And I wanna go to a money town party. Hell, I want to go to ANY party that I don't have to plan, shop for, prepare and clean up after.
Posted by: Jan | December 21, 2009 at 08:25 AM
Oh my! Well thank goodness for vodka huh?! :)
Posted by: Nancy P | December 21, 2009 at 08:29 AM
Now THAT was awesome!
Posted by: Lydia | December 21, 2009 at 10:28 AM
You are funnier than hell, my friend. I'm telling ya, stay out of money town and come hang with us HB mamas!! ;)
Posted by: Jennifer Kanehl | December 21, 2009 at 10:43 AM
Uh-Oh! Let me grab a cup of coffee and I'll be ready to hear all the details... And maybe the caterers can whip something up for us while we gab!
Posted by: Michelle Pixie | December 21, 2009 at 10:46 AM
Ok, let me see, whore hitting on husband vs. strawberry vodka and... OMG!!! are those mini burgers? Fuck that, I would totally hit one of those parties, whores and all.
Posted by: Elisa | December 21, 2009 at 10:50 AM
I loved this, but I think #13 was my favorite.
Posted by: Pseudo | December 21, 2009 at 12:37 PM
You canNOT leave us hanging like that!
Posted by: The Queen of Chaos | December 21, 2009 at 03:30 PM
I think the caterers are cute : )
Posted by: Life with Kaishon | December 21, 2009 at 05:21 PM
I am making popcorn and waiting patiently for the rest of #15!
Posted by: A Vapid Blonde | December 21, 2009 at 06:02 PM
Bionic nipples. Love that.
What an education you've been getting!
Posted by: Jason | December 21, 2009 at 07:04 PM
Sounds like one hell of a party! Someday I wanna visit Money Town, just so I can see for myself all of the fake women (with big boobs) and huge houses. Trust me...you'll know who I am because I will TOTALLY stand out...
Posted by: Alan | December 22, 2009 at 04:40 AM
Oh please - tell us Downunder hicks some more :-)
Was thinking of you while writing on my blog this morning - hubby's pain level has worsened, and we are looking at more surgery again down the track......
Posted by: Cate | December 22, 2009 at 10:17 AM
I now want to run out and buy some strawberry infused vodka.
What did the rest of your post say? ;-)
I am betting you had way better cleavage than the MoToHo.
Oh, and that thing about not altering your lifestyle -- have you been peeking in on my sister again?
Posted by: Jane | December 22, 2009 at 12:38 PM