Shopping at the Money Town Mall

A lot of women like to shop.

I'm not one of them.

I've mentioned before, I'm sorely lacking in the girly-genes department - which translates to the fact I'm also lacking in the girly jeans department.

Most of the time I only shop if I really (desperately?) need something and then I rush in, buy it, and rush right out of the mall again as fast as possible.  If I can buy something online, I will.

I don't like crowds.  I don't like trying stuff on.  I don't like pushy sales people ... or worse yet, stores without sufficient staff to take care of their customers.

Basically, I'm an anti-social, non-shopping, hermit.

Maybe I'm even a tom-boy-ish hermit?

The holidays have arrived, however, and I already find myself needing to shop.

I think the whole situation is made worse by the fact I'm surrounded by Money Town women who live to shop.  The women here dress up to go to the mall.  (!)

Fancy clothes!

Fancy hair!

Fancy makeup!

High heels!

Shopping is a career!

I like to ruffle their feathers by going to the mall dressed as grungy as possible.  I laugh when I see their shocked faces as I stroll through Neiman's or Sak's or Nordstrom's.  

The Money Town women appraise each other with a "once over" as they pass each other at the mall.  The once over serves the purpose of evaluating 1) The other woman's sense of style 2) The other woman's wealth 3) The skill of the other woman's plastic surgeon.

You think I'm kidding?

When they can't figure out your net worth, the Money Town women check out the size of the diamond you're wearing Every.Friggin.Time.  I suppose a woman without a big ass wedding ring is nothing but a waste of their time?

Sales people also evaluate the women walking into the stores.  Are you worth their time?  Do you look like you can afford to shop there?  Of course, I can't really blame the sales people.  They're trying to gauge the most profitable use of their time.

The Money Town women don't have the same motives.  They're just bitches.  

Why are they bitches?  

It's not because they have oogles of money.  

Bitchiness is just the attitude the women in Money Town choose to wear.

All this leads up to my trip to the mall last weekend.  

I woke up Saturday morning, wrapped my hair in a towel, and showered without washing it.  After my shower I threw on a pair of baggy workout capris which might happen to have a permanent stain on one leg.  (I swear, I didn't notice the stain until later in the day!)  I grabbed a long sleeve t-shirt I've owned for several years to cover my bionic nipples.  

Although, as you may recall, there is never really any way to cover my bionic nipples.

I wore my workout sneakers to complete my outfit.  They're beat to hell.  I brushed my teeth and ran a brush through my tangled tresses.  A quick coat of mascara completed my look.  I was exceedingly comfortable.

Yes, I looked like crap.  I'll be honest and admit 1) I didn't care in the least, and 2) I thought it was kind of funny that I was so slobbed out and going to the Money Town mall.

How dare I?

Well, as you can imagine, the Money Town women were aghast.  Clearly I did not belong at their mall.  I must have mistakenly stopped there on my way to the Goodwill Store which, by the way, is up the freeway several miles.  (If you've never been?  There are some great finds at Goodwill stores - although, it's still shopping and I hate to shop.)  

I didn't even attempt to count the number of disapproving looks I got as I made my way through the Money Town mall.

Eventually I made it to my favorite department store.  I don't shop often, but when I do I usually wind up there.  Also?  When I do shop - I'm there to buy, not peruse the merchandise.

I noticed a new, unfamiliar, sales lady glance my way.  She gave me the once over.  She moved on to help another customer without acknowledging me.  I might have smiled just a little bit.  I knew what I came to purchase; I didn't need her help.  I got busy.  I wouldn't want to spend more time shopping than I have to, after all.

Right then I was accosted by an extremely, rude, bitchy, Money Town woman.  She literally tried to grab a shirt I was holding out of my hands.  (And it wasn't even Black Friday when I'd, almost, expect that type of behavior!)

We had an *encounter*.

I would need an entirely different blog post to cover all the details, but suffice it to say she was an example of everything I hate about Money Town women.  

Also?  I won.  

I did not let go of that shirt.  

Too bad bitch!

I looked up to see one of the sales ladies smiling at me.  She'd just witnessed the entire scene.  She's helped me before.  She knows I may show up looking like hell, but if I'm there - I'm there to buy.  She also knows I'm nice to her and treat her with respect.  She, in turn, is always happy to see me and treats me with respect also, regardless of what I'm wearing.

Guess who makes commissions off of my purchases?

Soon, I was ready to pay and leave.  

The sales lady who had dismissed me earlier looked on in surprise at the large pile of crap gifts I was purchasing from the much nicer sales lady.

As Nice Sales Lady was ringing up my purchases, the same, bitchy, Money Town woman I'd had the "incident" with earlier, came up and tried to interrupt my transaction three separate times!  She was rude, she was demanding, and she was trying damn hard to get the sales lady to leave me mid-purchase to go help her.

The nice sales lady tried to be polite to the rude, obnoxious, Money Town woman.  By the third, tackless interruption, however ... she lost her patience and snapped at the bitch.  The look of shock on the Money Town woman's face was priceless.  I don't think she could fathom a sales lady not jumping at her every whim.  (Especially for the likes of me.)

It was then I noticed something surprising about the Money Town woman.  One strap from her designer purse (a Birkin!) had fallen off her shoulder and her purse sagged open.  There, in clear view, was a half eaten sandwich just sitting in her purse.  It wasn't wrapped up, it wasn't in a sandwich bag, or a "doggy bag" from a restaurant ... it had just been tossed into her obscenely expensive handbag.

Some things money can't buy.  Class is one of them.

© Twenty Four At Heart

Comments

[Deidre]

I am so with you on shopping in comfy clothes. Particularly if I have to try on stuff...

You're right you can't buy class.

[di]

I MUST wear comfortable shoes when I shop. And I really don't care if they look tacky or not, but then this is Roanoke and NOT Money Town... Hee hee.

I bet the inside of the bitch lady's purse smelled like tuna and mayo. YUCK. I'd have sniffed the air and then looked toward her purse and said, 'Eww, does anybody smell that"?

Di
The Blue Ridge Gal
Just Vignettes

[Jan]

I, too, shop to buy. I HATE "window shopping" and I don't understand people who do it. What's the point of going to a store just to look? (A caveat: shopping for home furnishings is something else all together.)

This is not the first time you've told stories about some rude Money Town woman trying to abscond with your purchases (I remember the candle story well). What is with them? Is the sense of entitlement THAT bad?

[stoneskin]

*Subtly removes half-eaten sausage and orange peel from pocket.*

I'm intrigued by this 'encounter'. You mean you held it, she grabbed it, you both had a little tug-o-war?!

[Kensi]

Money Town women remind me of overgrown versions of those sixteen year old brats on that super sweet sixteen show....their idea of what is important is digusting and sad...

Do you think they realize how idiotic they look to most people?

[Maureen@IslandRoar]

Man, how do you stand these women?? The trade-off for the view from your backyard, I guess. You should come to the Vineyard; you'd fit right in. You can't judge anyone's status here by how they look; you'd be wrong every time. Just like those bitchy women, huh?
Love the thought of you tussling with that woman; you go girl!

[Joanne]

too funny, I wish I had been there. I, too, am a chronic dresser-downer. some days I feel like the only accessory I am missing is my shopping cart!
Any hooo.... dont forget to give you husband the gift of a prostate exam!!

[Donna in VA]

That is so funny! I used to have a "friend" who when first married lived in a trailer park, but then her husband worked super hard and eventually ended up becoming filthy wealthy with all the bells and whistles that go with money. They bought an obscenely large home in the most affluent neighborhood here at the beach where there were "homeowner rules". Needless to say, they didn't live there more than a couple of years. Because of run-ins with the "snobs", they moved their trailer park asses out to the country where they built a home on a large plot of land (with no rules). I've always described her as "You can take the girl out of the trailer park, but you can't take the trailer park out of the girl." Sounds like your sandwich lady.

[Twenty Four At Heart]

Yes Jan ... you've described it perfectly. The people of Money Town have the most extreme sense of entitlement I've ever encountered. Oh ... except for their kids. The Money Town kids grow up in the realm of pure ridiculousness.

[Linda]

Kinda reminds me of that scene in 'Pretty Woman' where she goes to buy a dress "and I have all this money! and they wouldn’t wait on me!" Your self confidence is much better than mine as is your self restraint.

[Jess]

Scottsdale is our Money Town. When I decide to shop, I go to Fashion Square, Kierland Commons, or Scottsdale Quarter because, well they have all of the stores I shop at for the whole family. I absolutely refuse to get "ready" unless I'm scheduled to meet someone I know (no use in embarrassing the shit out of a good friend) or it's date night. Plus, if I'm going shopping, I already have a purpose and am fully aware of the area of the store I need to find said purchase. I slub it up. I've even been mocked by Husfriend for REMOVING makeup so that the pesky salespeople don't bother me. Then I walk up to the register Brookstone with multiple items and their jaws drop. Baha! Asshats...

[LPC]

Victory is SO SWEET!!!!!!!

[Kim @ Beautiful Wreck]

If I lived nearby I would shop with you in my pajamas, just like I do here. And they are Christmas pajamas too. Plus I would punch out someone over a bargain... I'm cheap like that. Plus I have a strand of white trash running deep in my veins.

[Michelle Pixie]

Okay I am dying!! That is SO funny! Thank god for online shopping I would never leave my house if I didn't have to. ;)

[Sandra]

Damn your good. 24 scores all around. I can't believe what a bitch that lady was to you. Kuddos to your salesperson.

The only reason I ever care what I look like when I go out in public is because it never fails that when I go out looking like crap I always bump into someone I know. And not the everyday people who know me like school parents, but that one person you haven't seen in 10 years and for some reason you care what they think. Yeah, them.

[Erin]

too funny.

i always dressed low key whether going to fashion island or south coast. and, whether they liked my attire or not, i could not give a dang. i went, i bought and did my thing, my way as i drove home in my paid for in cash 535i.

unfortunately here in my new world...no fashion island....alas. nothing within 200 miles that remotely comes close.

i sooo miss so cal. note to self, make time for another trip west come spring.

have a wonderful day.

[Liz Tee]

I'm so glad you are there to report from the inside. There is NO WAY I would every venture into that mall. Unless...

You know, you could run tours through the mall for those of us who view Money Town as an alien culture. I'd follow you into the Money Town mall anytime!

[jen]

oh my sweet lord. I don't know if you were at fashion island, but I get that every time I go over to get lunch from Wahoos (I work across the street). The head to toe size up and ring scan are so common I rarely notice anymore. I should wear a sign that reads 'yes, I work for a living, yes, my ring is "only" 1 carat - my loving nurse fiance bought it for me. suck it."

[Pam]

GREAT post!! I love to shop, but seriously, I do NOT dress like the money-town ladies. I didn't ever really notice anything about it until I went to Saks with my very stylish friend and the salespeople went NUTS over her. Hmmm...
I'm new to your blog (via Sandi) You make me laugh!

[Stephanie @ Geezees]

Great post...i totally here ya on missing that girly gene!

[WebSavyMom]

-->I like to shop comfortably too. I'm not in a fashion show when I'm trying to get in and out of a store.

Thanks for including the Birkin link, I didn't even know what that was and my mouth fell open at the price. $10,000 is what my first car cost ten years ago. NUTS!

[Jack]

I try not to go near a mall from November-January. It is asking for trouble, although it makes great blog fodder.

[Helena]

You and I are so much alike. We would get on great!!!

[cute~ella]

I love shopping in "slub"! It makes stripping down so much easier when I have to try something on. And I don't feel so bad if I stop for a pretzel.

[class factotum]

$10,000 is what my first car cost ten years ago.

$10,000 is twice as much as I paid for my graduate education! OK, just the tuition and fees, in-state, but still!