Twenty Four At Heart

A Moment in the Spotlight

Yes, that was me you saw on ABC and assorted other news channels over the weekend.  I was interviewed, both on and off camera, by several reporters while attending the Orange County annual Mooning Amtrak event.

There's nothing more meaningful than having your fifteen minutes of fame revolve around the shapeliness (squishiness?) of your ass.

I'll have more for you regarding the event on Monday!

© Twenty Four At Heart

In Case You're Interested ...

Consider this a catch-all, miscellaneous, post.

There are a few things I want to get "out there" to the Southern California population and even those of you in other locations might also have an interest.

1.   Mooning the Train, an Orange County annual event, will be taking place in the city of Laguna Niguel ALL DAY this Saturday, July 10th!  Parking is always difficult, so please plan ahead if you're able to attend this fun event.  I hope to be there for at least part of the day myself because it is ALWAYS a great time.

My ass *might have* appeared on national news last year.  Shhh!  Don't tell anyone.

(Yes, the city of Laguna Niguel probably DOES hate me right about now ....)

2.  The wonderful, heartwarming, Plasticos Foundation, is holding a Mud Run in Orange County on July 18th at the Irvine Lake.  I can't think of a more deserving organization and I encourage my local readers to show their support.  Even if you're not a runner, this should be a great event to walk and/or watch.  (It's about 3 miles at Irvine Lake)

Remember how I almost accompanied Plasticos to Cambodia?  Well, they recently returned from that trip and it sounds like an amazing time.  They treated a young boy with a cobra bite to his foot!  If you have any interest you can read all about it on the Plasticos Foundation Blog.

3.  Wild Rivers Park in Irvine and Raging Waters in San Dimas contacted me with a discount offer for my readers.  For Wild Rivers, the discount is $5 off a general admission ticket and you can click here to get the coupon.  (OR you can enter the promotion code: SUN2 if you purchase your ticket online here.)

For Raging Waters in San Dimas, the discount is good for $7 off a general admission ticket purchased online or $5 off a general admission ticket purchased at the park.  The coupon is available here.  (OR you can enter the promotion code:  1067 if you purchase your ticket online here.)

To my non-Southern California readers, forgive me for mentioning these local events/offers today.  I'll be back to normal posting ASAP!

© Twenty Four At Heart

Potpourri

I hope you had a nice weekend!

I've had house guests here for the last five days.  Even the best house guests are exhausting, don't you think?

Or maybe I'm just old.

I feel like I need to be Happy!  And Up!  And Chatty!  And Cooking!  And Cleaning!  And Entertaining!  all day long every single day while they're here.

It's so much easier to be grouchy, and lazy ....

In the theme of laziness, I thought I'd give you a few random updates today.

1.  Whirlpool came out five days earlier than expected and fixed my "failed" three and a half year old front-loading washing machine.  I was thrilled with their earlier-than-expected response time.  The final cost of the repairs was over $1,600 and Whirlpool charged me nothing.  I haven't written about the repair, because I wanted to use the machine for a week or so, and make sure it continued to work.  It has, but the other day I found water sitting in the empty tub, again.  The repair people had told me this happens when the pump fails and they just replaced the pump so I don't know what the deal is.  It's only happened once.  Maybe it was some weird fluke?  

I'll contact Whirlpool once my guests leave to take a look at it if it happens again.  The important thing is, I can do laundry again including the daily cleaning of my son's always-filthy baseball uniform.  

Thank you Whirlpool! 

This is what my son's uniform pants looked like five minutes into his game last Friday:

And that is why I need to do laundry every night!

2.  Several of you have asked why I might be traveling to Cambodia.  I've been invited by the Plasticos Foundation to travel with them to document and photograph a medical mission in June.  It isn't definite yet whether I'll be able to attend, but I'm working hard on the details in an attempt to take them up on this amazing opportunity.  As you may recall, the foundation travels to third world countries and performs life-changing surgeries to aid people with birth defects, malformations, and disfigurements caused by trauma.  In addition to changing the lives of the patients they attend, they also train the doctors in the countries they visit.  The doctors they train are then able to continue helping patients after the American medical team has departed.  

Everyone who travels with the Plasticos Foundation is required to work, and non-medical personnel are not normally permitted on these trips.  I'm incredibly honored they've invited me to come along to record this medical mission (with both my writing and my photography).  I'll let you know, as soon as I know, if I'm able to pull off the logistics to make this trip happen.

3.  It was pretty hot here this weekend.  Some of us will do anything we can think of to cool off.

He sits on the "beach" area of our pool to cool off.  Then he wades in and swims.  Then he sits back down on the beach for awhile.  He thinks it's his swimming pool.  (And for those who have asked in the past, we brush him daily so the pool doesn't end up full of dog hair.)

4.  I spent Saturday afternoon at Fashion Island in Newport Beach.

Fashion Island is an outdoor, swanky, high-end, mall.  You can see the ocean from the mall.  A Nordstrom store just opened at Fashion Island on Friday.  In spite of the fact we have several other Nordstrom stores in Orange County, the entire OC seemed to show up for this big (!) excitement.  

??

Personally, I went to people-watch.  I rarely buy anything at Fashion Island, but it may be the best people-watching anywhere in The OC.

However, this trip I dog-watched instead.

I've never seen so many dogs inside a department store in my life.  I counted twenty five dogs inside the brand new Nordstrom store during the short time I was there.  (And that was just on the ground level!)  I'm not talking (only) about little, tiny, dogs either.  Several of the dogs began growling and barking at each other and the owners just laughed as if it were all very amusing.

Two dogs started to fight in the shoe department.  

Seriously, Orange County?

I'm a total, complete, dog lover and I found it ridiculous, inappropriate, and annoying.  

One dog ran in circles around me wrapping its leash around my ankles.  What would happen if that same thing occurred with an elderly person and they fell?  And what happens when someone gets bit by a dog while buying their $2,000 designer purse?  Does Nordstrom want those lawsuits? 

Not to mention, some people are allergic or afraid of dogs.

What the hell Orange County?  Do you really feel so entitled, you don't think you need to concern yourself with the well being of the other people around you?

And Nordstrom, what are you thinking allowing dogs in your stores?  If they aren't guide-dogs/canine companions, they shouldn't be there.  It's not the beach, it's a department store. 

Oh wait, I forgot, dogs aren't allowed on most beaches here either.  So why are they allowed in our department stores?

5.  My arm is bad.  Very, very bad.  The pain is the worst it has been in months, and I've lost a lot of function since The Torturer stopped treating me in February.  It's very discouraging.  And painful.  And did I mention ... painful?  I've put it off for as long as I can, I'm going to have to call my doc this week and get back into treatment.  You have no idea how overwhelming the very thought is.  Or how depressing.  Or discouraging.  And did I mention it has been very painful?  As in, waking-me-up-several-times-each-night painful? Ugh .....!!!

6.  Hummingbirds live in Orange County year round.  They're definitely thirstier once the weather warms up though.  I was sitting out by the pool yesterday afternoon and they kept buzzing around my head.  I don't know why, but they always make me smile.  

I like to think our yard is a friendly place for them to hang out.

© Twenty Four At Heart

iS Clinical Product Review and GIVEAWAY!!

Back in March, I attended a Plastic Surgery Party and won a raffle for a product called Youth Complex made by iS Clinical.  (iS stands for Innovative Skincare.)  I blogged about it at the time, and iS Clinical then contacted me and arranged a meeting.  They asked if I would be interested in reviewing their product, and I agreed with the understanding I would be brutally honest with my review.  There was also the added condition they provide product for me to use in a giveaway for my readers.

Hey, I'm all about you.

In the last month, I've been faithfully using Youth Complex every day.  

 

In addition, I've also been using the iS Clinical Youth Eye Complex they provided for me (at no cost to myself).  

iS Clinical is not compensating me for this review.

Both products are only available through doctors offices (dermatologists and plastic surgeons).  

There's a lot of science behind the iS Clinical products.  iS Clinical is on the leading edge of anti-aging technology.  The products are made from botanicals and actually stimulate the production of collagen and elastin in your skin.  There's a dose of antioxidants, which are very healthy for your skin, in every application.  

Men, these products aren't just for women.  Anyone who has skin can use them.

Do you have skin?

That's what I thought.

I also think you should know a little about my skin before I blab on and on.  I have uber-sensitive skin.  The majority of fancy skin products make me break out in a rash or get itchy.  I've gravitated towards simple fragrance-free products as a result.  My biggest concern about agreeing to this review was the worry of how my skin would react to new products.

And here's the thing ...

I unequivocally love both the Youth Complex and Youth Eye Complex products.

Love them!

(And you know I wouldn't say that unless I meant it!)

My skin seems to positively glow since I began using these products.  The products aren't at all greasy.  They hydrate my skin without making it break out - and I know it sounds impossible, but I swear they make little, fine, lines less apparent.  Also, there just seems to be an added tightening, or firming, to my skin.  I particularly notice this benefit under my eyes where all my crows feet live.

It's like magic.

I've become addicted.

(Briefcase grabs his wallet and runs ....!)

Apparently, I'm not the only one with great results.  The list of celebrities using iS Clinical products reads like a Who's Who of Hollywood.  (Yes, iS Clinical sent me a press packet so I would realize I'm in the company of people like Halle Berry, Sandra Bullock, George Clooney, Nicole Kidman, Jennifer Aniston and many others.)

Did someone say I'm in the company of George Clooney?  I've been meaning to be in his company for quite some time ....

I've been using Youth Complex on my face, neck, decolletage and (shhh!) a tiny little dab on the back of my hands.  I use Youth Eye Complex around my eyes including my upper and lower eyelids.

I've mentioned before, one of my biggest gripes about my own body is the fact my hands have aged so much faster than the rest of me.  I would love to see iS Clinical come out with a product specifically for the hands.  (An affordable product for the hands!)  In the meantime, I'll probably continue using a little dab of the Youth Complex on the back of my hands because I've seen a dramatic change in my skin from using it.

One other thing I want to mention ...

iS Clinical is very involved in helping cancer patients with skin issues which arise as a result of radiation and chemotherapy.  Their products have such powerful botanical antioxidants, they help repair the skin against the free radical damage caused by cancer treatments.  I'm a big believer in supporting companies which involve themselves in the betterment of society.  For me, the iS Clinical work with cancer patients is just another reason to support their company.

Youth Complex runs around $135 before taxes and the Youth Eye Complex runs around $85 before taxes.  It's expensive stuff, but the high cost is the only fault I've found with either product.

iS Clinical has been kind enough to provide me with one Youth Complex and one Youth Eye Complex to give away to my readers.  

Here's how it works:

1.  Leave a comment, any comment, to enter.  (ideas:  skin/health care/beauty products - or anything else!)

2.  You may enter as many times as you like.

3.  Comments/entries will remain open until 9 p.m., Pacific time, this Friday, April 16th.

4.  There will be two winners, one for each product.

5.  I will pick the winners using the Random Integer Generator.

6.  Winners will be announced on Saturday, April 17th.

These are truly great products!

Good luck to all of you!  

© Twenty Four At Heart

An Abuse of Power or Freedom of Speech?

This is going to be a long post, but I need to address some things.

I began Twenty Four At Heart as a result of a terrible car accident I was in.  Writing has helped me cope with the struggles I've gone through.  It's also allowed me to look outside of my physical pain, and limitations, to find the humor in the small every day things surrounding me.  For me, writing has been tremendously healing.

As dramatic as it sounds, writing is truly my oxygen.  I don't know if I could have managed to get through such a hard time in my life without it.

In my short time in the blogosphere, I've intentionally avoided Internet drama to the best of my ability.  I've got real-life physical challenges to deal with every day, I don't need to get caught up in blogging dramas on top of it.  (And for those of you who don't live in the blogosphere, there is always plenty of drama going on.)

That being said, apparently I've unintentionally stirred up some shit this week with my post, Lately, My Life Has Been a Whirlpool.  My intention, of course, was just to vent about a situation in my life (just like I vent about so many other things here on 24).  I received some heated comments on my post.  I also received several Tweets regarding it and some direct emails also.

Emotions ran high.

Accusations ran high.

Support ran high.

Anger ran high.

To be honest, I never expected the Whirlpool post to receive the attention it has.  I didn't realize a broken washing machine would create such a fuss.

But I guess, I should have.

I've had every major appliance company imaginable on 24 since the Whirlpool post published.  I've also had some of the biggest public relations companies in the world visiting.

** Waving to all the nice folks  **

(Some of them are pissed off at me, I think.)

I know I have some readers who have never read any blogs other than 24.  They aren't aware of the washing machine "issue" which preceded mine.  For them, I will try to explain briefly.

There's a woman named Heather Armstrong who writes a very famous "mommy blog" called dooce.  She has over a million followers on Twitter.  A lot of bloggers love to hate her because they either a) Don't like her personality b) Disagree with her lifestyle or c) Have all sorts of jealousy issues about her success.  Personally, I enjoy her humor and like to read her blog, although I don't follow it every single day.  I met Heather briefly on the Dr. Phil show last summer and I thought she was very nice.  (Remember?  I spoke on Dr. Phil?  And the back of my head became famous for five minutes or less?)

In any case, Heather had a washing machine issue awhile back (with a Maytag which is the same company as Whirlpool).  When customer service repeatedly didn't handle her problem she became frustrated and sent out Tweets telling her million plus followers not to buy Maytag.  Needless to say, her washer got fixed promptly.

Her situation created a controversy in the blogosphere.  Some people applauded Heather for forcing a corporation to take action and be accountable for their customer service.  Other people condemned her for "abusing her power."

To be honest, I didn't know much about Heather's whole situation.  It just wasn't a memorable thing for me although I did remember there was some big controversy over an appliance.  (On many days, I'm doing well if I get a post up on 24 and I tend to be a little oblivious to the rest of the blogosphere.  Maybe that makes me self-absorbed, but more likely it has to do with the fact I'm living with intense pain and just can't deal with much else.)  

Then I started getting dooce-related comments on my post.  I had to google "Heather Armstrong appliance problem" and go back and read about it to get the details.  That's when I found out Heather's appliance issue was ALSO with a washing machine, and ALSO with the same company since Whirlpool owns both the Whirlpool and Maytag brands.

One of my readers, Lisa, left the following comment on my Whirlpool post and also unfollowed me:

Ok seriously? Am I the only person who thinks you may be looking a gift horse in the mouth a bit? The fact is you didn't buy the extended warranty and Whirlpool doesn't HAVE to do anything. They are because you threw a hissy on Twitter and tried to pull a Dooce. The whole "I'm a blogger and you better give me special treatment" act leaves a sour taste in the mouths of people who see real need every day because of skyrocketing unemployment. You are not shy about talking about all of your financial advantages, leaving us to believe you can well afford the cost of a new machine. The rest of us would have to make the best of this very same situation. Come on.

One of my other readers then responded:

Lisa, Ok Seriously! If you or I had spent $1000 on a washing machine and it broke, I think you or I would do everything in our power to right the wrong that is a lemon! No matter what anyone makes, Whirlpool made a shitty product and it shouldn't break in 3 years. I'd yell it out over the mountain tops but heck there's the internet, baby, I'd use that and make a strong statement!

I don't mind people calling me out if I deserve it.  In this case, I don't think I do.  Also, Lisa was making some big assumptions about my life that really pissed me off.  I replied to her:

Lisa,
I'm "not shy in talking about" all my financial advantages? When have I EVER talked about my finances?

Never. Not once.

I don't discuss my finances, my marriage, my family on 24.
I live NEAR an affluent area I refer to as Money Town. I don't live IN Money Town.
Your perception of my financial status is very misguided. I can't afford to buy a new washing machine every 3 1/2 years.

Even if I could, I shouldn't need to ... nor should anyone else.

I think I was quite complimentary of Whirlpool's efforts to stand by their product in today's post. Do I still have a dilemma? Yes, I do. I am physically incapable of carrying laundry baskets. I have no laundromat in the vicinity of my home. I have a problem.

Does it make me an Internet bully to discuss my problems/issues/concerns on my own blog? I don't think so ... that's what bloggers do EVERY DAY.

I appreciate being compared to Dooce, but I am a small blogger. I don't have anything close to her power. Also, I didn't get on Twitter (or my blog) and tell people not to buy Whirlpool OR ask for special treatment because I'm a blogger. Nonetheless, I can certainly understand why she got so frustrated that she DID shout out on twitter. There are few things as frustrating as dealing with a broken appliance which we, as moms, are very dependent on.

I did VENT on Twitter ... just like everybody else does EVERY DAY about the issues going on in our lives. Is venting "throwing a hissy fit"?? Then take a look at twitter and you will see people throwing hissy fits over various issues in their lives ALL DAY LONG.

Whirlpool responded to my venting ... and as I wrote in my post, I was quite impressed that they did and also with their response. I don't see anywhere in this post where I complain about Whirlpool's response to my problem or ask for "special treatment" because I'm a blogger.

On the other hand, consumers have every right to stand up for themselves and to request good customer service from the companies we purchase products from.

Another commenter wrote:

I am glad they are fixing your problem and I would be irate if an appliance broke down in 3 years! I had my last one for FIFTEEN!!! That is absurd and a quality issue that is the problem of the company. I am glad to see that they are doing something to resolve it. If everyone's washer broke down in 3 years and they just said, "Sorry, you didn't buy the warranty" as the previous poster suggested, how many do you think they would sell...not many I would think. I also think that even if you do have money, or not, is irrelevant in this issue and people need to quit hating. A customer is a customer no matter what their economic status and I expect to get a quality product when I spend my money as everyone should. Perhaps people like you and Dooce using your "voice" will make customer service better for everyone and it is certainly a good move on Whirlpool's part to correct the issue.

In a direct email, another reader wrote:

You have a strong voice in the blogosphere and although I understand your frustration, you are abusing your power by writing about your broken washing machine.  When my washing machine broke, I had to call customer service lines and wait around in frustration for days.  Why should you get better treatment just because you write 24?

I've read every comment, every Tweet, and every email I've received regarding my Whirlpool post.  I've also thought long and hard about all of them.

When I tweeted my frustration over my washing machine I wasn't "trying to pull a Dooce" because I didn't even know the dooce/washing machine details at the time.  I also wasn't trying to get special treatment.  I was surprised, but pleased, when Whirlpool responded on Twitter.  As I wrote in my post, I was impressed with their response.  I don't think they knew at the time, I'm the author of 24 and I certainly didn't Tweet "my machine broke and I'm a blogger so you better fix it."

A decade ago a frustrated consumer might go to their local newspaper or news station with a tale of woe.  Were they abusing their power by doing so?

Now, consumers use social media to voice their opinions whether they be positive or negative.  Savvy companies are aware of this and have a strong social media presence.

The issue of "power" and "abusing power" is really troubling me.

Do I, a relatively small blogger, have power?

I've never thought about myself, or 24, in those terms.

I don't have millions of followers like dooce, but I do reach thousands of people.

I suppose I do have some influence/power, but - not much.

When Anthem Blue Cross changed their payment policy towards physical therapists, I lost treatment for my injuries.  I blogged about it.  No one accused me of "abusing my power" for writing about a situation, created by a greedy disgusting corporation, which influenced my life in a very negative way.

Why not?

To me, that was a way bigger issue than a washing machine failing in three and a half years.

Why am I being accused of "abusing my power" now?

Am I irresponsible if I write about a situation/company/product in an unfavorable light?  Is it irresponsible if it's my honest opinion or experience?

When I write about a book I like, or a product or business I love ... and those comments are my honest opinion, no one bitches at me about abusing my power, do they?

Is it freedom of expression if my opinion or experience is positive and an abuse of power if my opinion or experience is negative?

Isn't it a positive thing, for all consumers, for us to demand our corporations stand by the products they make?  

For many years, I worked as a manager for a top Fortune 500 company.  Every single thing we did was about and for the customer.  We wanted to keep our customers for life.  When things occasionally went wrong, as things sometimes do, we did everything in our power to remedy the situation as fast as possible. 

I expect the very same treatment from the companies I deal with.  

I expect it, not because I'm a writer, not because I'm "powerful" (which is questionable), but because it's the right thing to do.  If I think highly enough of a company to purchase their products, they should think highly enough of me, as their customer, to stand by the product or service they sell.

And now I'd like to hear your thoughts ...

© Twenty Four At Heart

I Might Have Made A Scene At The Flower Fields

* As a reminder, tomorrow is Photography Friday!! *

I was back at The Flower Fields in Carlsbad on Tuesday.

A couple of my girlfriends wanted to make the trip.  Now that I've been there once, I had a better feel for what lenses I wanted to take with me this time.  I knew my macro lens could stay at home and my big monster 70-200 needed to come with me.

This is my friend Dee:

 

She was trying to steal me away from Briefcase.  Don't tell him, okay?

Here's my friend, Nike.  You've seen photos of her before:

She's carrying my camera backpack and I love her for it.  I even suggested we get married, and please don't go telling Briefcase about that either.

Thank goodness my friends were willing to help me carry things, because it's very hard to be a one-armed photographer.  I know I'm the one making the decision to pursue my love of photography.  I know I'm responsible for the incredible physical pain that results when I shoot pictures.  I also know how important it is to my spirit to have something I love so much in my life, regardless of the pain it causes.

<pops two pain pills and continues typing ...>

Here's my, hands down, favorite photo of the day:

Is it wrong to be in love with a photo?  Because I am.  I'm going to have it framed.  I think I'm also going to have note cards made from it.  I'm in love.

I wanted to also show you the view from The Flower Fields.

 

Sky, ocean, homes, businesses ... flowers!

And more flowers .....

  

I love watching the "wagons" or flower trucks drive through the fields.

It's almost more color than a person can comprehend.  Acres upon acres of beautiful, vivid, colors!

I could show you photo, after photo, after photo, of breathtaking flowers, and flower fields, and color.

A woman approached me at the fields.  She wanted to know if she could use one of my photos to paint.  She's an artist, but not a photographer.  I gave her one of my business cards.  How fun to think one of my photos might end up as a painting!

Another woman approached me with lots of questions about her point and shoot camera, how it works, and what she could do with it.  I won't go into all the details right now, but later in the day the subject came up again with my girlfriends.

"Sometimes," I informed them, "Bigger IS better."

And that's right about when I started getting a lot of strange looks from people passing by.  I swear, I didn't intentionally pose in front of the va-jay-jay looking lemon while posed like this.  No, I didn't realize that until I got home and saw the photo.

Several of the photos from today's post can be found on my photo site.  The last one, of the phallic camera lens and the giant vagina lemon, will not be available for sale.

© Twenty Four At Heart

Orange County Priorities

I frequently share "Money Town" stories here on 24.  I've had readers email me and ask if the stories are "really" true.  It's hard for them to believe some of them I suppose.  To be honest, I often find it hard to believe the people here too.

I've also said many times, there really are nice people living in Orange County.

Unfortunately, there are a lot of vapid, superficial, materialistic people here also.

Our local CBS news reported an interesting story yesterday about a woman who lives in South Orange County.  In fact, this particular woman doesn't live too far from where I do. 

The article attracted my attention immediately for several reasons, and I knew I had to share it with you.

A thirty year old South Orange County woman was sentenced this week for fraud.

Now, you're probably thinking people get arrested for committing fraud all the time, and you're right - they do.

What fraudulent act did this woman commit?

Well, she established credit under someone else's name in September of 2008 so she could get her hands on $12,000.

Perhaps you're thinking in this tough economy she needed money for food, or shelter, and was so desperate she was willing to break the law in order to survive.

You would be wrong.

No, this particular woman "needed" cosmetic surgery including a boob job and liposuction.

Yes, at thirty years of age she was so desperate for cosmetic surgery, she was willing to break the law.  She had her surgeries back in September of 2008.

She ended up pleading guilty to identity theft, grand theft and burglary.

This week the woman was sentenced to jail time and three years probation.  In addition, restitution was ordered.

Where did she get her plastic surgery done?

Why, at the Pacific Center for Plastic Surgery!

That's right, my friends helped make her look beautiful.

They also assisted the police in their investigation ... which, in turn, led to the woman's arrest.

Well, at least we know she went to top surgeons to get her "work" done.

She probably has the nicest figure in the entire jail.

By the way, local news stations have dubbed her The Breast Bandit.

Only in Orange County!

© Twenty Four At Heart

Fun Facts

** I'm giving away a beautiful photography book this week.  Click here for details. **

Fun Fact #1:  I took this, very (!) bad, photo of myself with my MacBook yesterday afternoon.  Do you like the messy, un-brushed, hair?  (Seriously, I'm not sure I even brushed it with anything other than my fingers yesterday!)  

Did I photoshop away enough of my wrinkles?

The reason why I'm sharing this, less than flattering, picture is because I just received the shirt I have on.  I ordered it from Boden.  I've mentioned before, I like some of their clothes.  It was really hot here yesterday and this top was cool, comfortable, cute and ... just a little bit sex-ay due to the low-cut.  I always like to share a good find on Twenty Four At Heart.  (No, I'm not getting any freebies from Boden).

Fun Fact #2:  Someone on Twitter used the expression, "Omigod I just pulled a TwentyFour!" to explain something embarrassing she'd done.  It made me laugh.  Then I thought about it for a minute, and now I'm not sure if I should be flattered or insulted?  

Fun Fact #3:  My friend Mr Lady gave me the greatest tip on Twitter the other day.  I was cooking a dish with a lot of garlic in it and my hands reeked of it.  Mr Lady told me to rub my hands on stainless steel and the smell would go away.  I'd never heard of doing this before and, I admit, I was skeptical.  But guess what?  It works!  It might have looked a little odd as I gave my appliances a hand job, but the garlic smell disappeared completely.

Am I the only one who didn't know this trick?

Fun Fact #4:  Today is Day #4 of my 1,000 calorie per day diet.  In reality, I think I'm actually getting around 1100 calories each day.  I'm trying to do this for two weeks to kick-start my body into losing some weight before summer.  I don't know if I've lost anything yet, but I'm definitely eating healthier.  I'm also hungry.  I'm using SparkPeople to track calories and nutrients.  The most interesting part of the experience so far has been realizing what I DON'T have enough of in my diet.  (Vitamin C, as an example.)  If nothing else, it's making me very conscious of eating healthier which is always a good thing.  (And no, I'm not following the SparkPeople diet plan.)

Fun Fact #5:  I had a pukey kid home for the beginning part of this week.  If I catch what he had?  Shoot me.

Fun Fact #6:  Someone in my immediate family departed for Russia this week.  It wasn't me or Briefcase.

Fun Fact #7:  A local Orange County woman recently got upset with me for swearing on Twitter.  If you're on Twitter, you know swearing is extremely prevalent there.  Also?  clearly, this woman was not a 24 reader or she would have already known I'm not a G-rated blogger.

I woke up in a lot of pain that particular morning and I believe I tweeted something along the lines of, "Holy shit my arm hurts.  Fuck you Anthem Blue Cross for taking my PT away from me."  This particular woman replied back to me her son had read my tweet and I needed a time-out for cussing.

Excuse me?

If you know me at all, you know I absolutely cannot keep my mouth shut at times.

This was definitely one of those times.

I replied back this is why kids should not be on Twitter.

She replied back this is why [she] would "unfollow" me.

My reply?  

If you're easily offended, you never should have followed me in the first place.  Be a responsible parent and don't let your young kids read the Tweets of adults you've followed.

Fun Fact #8:  There are a LOT of women in Money Town right now who look like chimpanzees.  

 

Why?  

They've botoxed their faces to the point where their faces don't move at all.  Their eyes look permanently startled or frightened due to a combination of botox and bad brow lifts.  They've put so much filler in their lips, they flap in the wind.  But worst of all, they've added fillers to their laugh lines (parentheses) around their mouth.  Women here are going so overboard on the fillers, they look horrible.  Honestly, it looks like they're walking around with snouts.

Stop it Money Town women!

It doesn't look good - it looks ridiculous.  

And glaringly obvious.

And many of us are laughing at you.

And in a year or two you will look back at photos of yourself and say, "Omigod - what was I thinking?!"

Because that's exactly what I'm wondering right now.

What the hell are you thinking?

© Twenty Four At Heart

My Fat Didn't Melt

** I'm giving away a beautiful photography book this week.  Click here for details. **

Apparently, I have un-meltable fat.

Either that, or Zerona just didn't work on me.

Or perhaps, as I'm inclined to believe, fat melting just plain doesn't work?

If you haven't been reading along, I've been testing a Fat Melting Machine called Zerona.  I wrote about the first of six Fat Melting appointments here.  My plastic surgeon friends are (were?) considering this machine for their practice, but didn't want to offer it to patients unless it got great results.

By the way, apparently two other people who work in the plastic surgeon's office also tried Zerona, and I was informed it didn't work for either of them either.

Here's a photo of the Zerona machine:

On six separate days (two weeks in a row of M, W, F appointments which is what Zerona recommends) I rested for forty minutes under the fat melting machine.  For the first twenty minutes of each appointment I was on my back, and then I flipped over for twenty minutes on my stomach. 

And yes, I did let my fat impress everyone while I was there.  I wore nothing but a thong and bra during each treatment.  My measurements were taken (neck to knees) on my first and last day of treatment.  I'm even going back this Friday for one last measurement confirmation.

While I was baring my ass hanging out, the Zerona machine was sending laser beams onto (into?) my body.  Each of the four arms, and the circle in the center of the machine, beamed down on me while I lay there.  The theory behind the machine is the laser (supposedly) pierces the fat cells, causing them to "leak" out fat.  This (supposedly) shrinks fat cells and causes the patient to lose inches.  A person's body then flushes out the leaked fat right along with other waste.

The concept sounds like it would lead to positive results.

What is the cost for six Zerona appointments?  Well, it varies.  I was told the recommended cost is $2,500.  Some offices apparently charge as much as $3,500 and I found it available at one location for as low as $1,600.

Let me back up now and tell you a few more things recommended by the Zerona folks.

While a person is undergoing Zerona treatments, they request you take a daily supplement.  I asked if the supplement contained a diuretic (to make a person pee out all their water weight and lose "fake" inches).  I was told it did not contain a diuretic.  However, I've taken the supplement as directed and peed like crazy.  I'm a little dubious.

Why does Zerona say a person should take the supplement?  They say it aids in the "detoxification" process.

The Zerona rep also told me I should exercise and/or walk daily, cut out fatty foods, drink eight glasses of water each day and stop drinking alcohol while undergoing fat melting treatments.

It sounds suspiciously like a diet and exercise regimen, don't you think?

All of the above are supposed to help a patient achieve "maximum results" from the Zerona machine.

Are patients paying for Zerona results or the results of their own dieting and exercise?

My question is this ...  

If I lost nine inches at the end of two or three weeks, how would I know what I lost from dieting/exercising/cutting out alcohol/taking supplements vs. the actual effects of the (very expensive) Zerona treatments?

I didn't have to worry about that, I guess, because I did not lose nine inches.  

This is what I did do:

1.  I went to my six Zerona treatment appointments.

2.  I took the supplement provided.  (And actually will continue to take it for a few more days.)

3.  I maintained my existing exercise plan of 3-4 days/week on my elliptical and or walking.

4.  I avoided fattening foods as I've been doing pretty religiously since the first of the year anyway.

5.  I drank a ton of water because I've been constantly thirsty and felt very dehydrated (I think from the supplements).

6.  I drank no alcohol except for 3 (perhaps 4?) sips of champagne at the Plastic Surgery Party.

What were my results?

Well, there were a few spots on my body which measured slightly smaller, but other areas measured slightly (gasp!) bigger.  I chalked this up to inconsistencies/variations in the actual measuring.  The woman responsible for my measurements agreed with my assessment.

All in all, there was no noticeable difference in my body as a result of using the Zerona machine.  Supposedly, a person can continue to lose inches for up to one week after treatment but since I didn't see any changes during treatment, I'm not holding my breath.  (However, if I go in this Friday and see a sudden drop of inches I'll be sure to let you know.)

Let's pretend for a minute, I did have good results ...

Let's pretend I lost six inches combined over my entire body (neck to knees).  That still isn't enough, in my opinion, to justify spending $2,500.  Why not spend that money instead on a nutritionist and a personal trainer?  Or for the surgically inclined, spend a little more and get liposuction for more dramatic and permanent results?  

And again, if I did lose six inches, how would I know how much Zerona was responsible for vs. how much I did on my own through dieting/exercising/increased water consumption/supplements.

I'm concerned about that very thing with my next, and final, set of measurements.  I'm on a 1000 calorie/day diet for the next two weeks.  (This is something I chose to do independently - it has nothing to do with Zerona.)  If I lose a couple inches by my final measurement day, I doubt very much the fat melting machine should receive credit.  I think it's far more likely my new diet, combined with an hour per day of power walking, will impact those measurements.

Regardless, the fact is, I didn't see any noticeable change as a result of Zerona treatments during the two weeks I was treated.

Did I want Zerona to work for me?

Of course I did.

Would I spend a couple thousand dollars for fat melting treatments in the future?

No, I would not.

Would I recommend a friend spend the money to try it?

No, I would not.  

And now I have a question for you, my wonderful readers.  

Let's pretend someone gifted you $2,500 which had to be used to improve your weight/inches/body appearance.

How would you spend it?

© Twenty Four At Heart

The Plastic Par-tay

Last Thursday night, I attended a Plastic Surgery Party hosted by the Pacific Center for Plastic Surgery.

For me, it was a very different experience than the Plastic Surgery Party I attended at Pacific Center for Plastic Surgery last fall (Part I here and Part II here).

I arrived a little late due to bad traffic.  I had barely stepped into the party when I was met by some readers.  I was thrilled, of course.  It did change the dynamic of the party, however.  Because I was busy engaging with readers (who I now consider friends), I didn't have the opportunity to talk to random strangers and hear their stories.

Some things were similar, however.

There was a lot of champagne and an amazing food spread (which I never even saw firsthand, because - did I mention I was talking and being talked to a lot?).

By the way ... I didn't take any of these photos.  Every photo you see in this post was emailed to me by one of the nice people who works at the center.

There were a lot of people at the party, although, not quite as many as the party in the fall.

There was an area set up where vendors were available to discuss their products.  People could inquire about skincare products, magic eyelash growing potions, etc.  This area was very crowded and quite popular.

  

The doctors were kept busy talking to, and answering questions, from guests all evening.

Here's a photo of Dr. Horowitz and Linda (the nice PCPS employee who took most of these photos):

Linda has seen me in nothing more than a thong and a bra.  Poor woman!  That's a story for a different day.

Dr. Horowitz sure is a nice guy.  I've met him several times before , but I had an opportunity at the party to talk to him at length.  I was very impressed.  A couple of my readers were asking him (endless?) questions about their wrinkles or personal pet peeves and he was informative, engaging, and humorous.

Here's a photo of Dr. Nichter.  You already know I'm a huge Dr. Nichter fan.  He was talking to one of my readers.

When I was talking to Dr. Nichter, I scrunched up my face really tight and showed him all my under-eye wrinkles.  I asked him if I should use Juvederm or some type of filler to make them go away.  He smiled and told me I should just un-scrunch my face and act normal and I'd be fine without it for at least a few more years.

Ha!  Did I mention I think he's great?

I also wanted to share this photo of Kate and Stephanie with you.  I love everyone who works at the Pacific Center for Plastic Surgery, but Kate and Stephanie are two of my favorites:

I don't know how old Kate (on the left) is, but I believe Stephanie said she's 58.  I never would have guessed.  She's so beautiful and they're both incredibly nice people.

In fact, that's the one comment I heard most from my readers who were able to attend the party.  They couldn't get over how nice everyone from Pacific Center for Plastic Surgery is.  That's why I've adopted their office, of course ... whether they want to be adopted or not.

There were raffles about every thirty minutes throughout the party.  I might have screamed and squealed when one of my raffle tickets was pulled.  I won a skincare product made by iS Clinical called Youth Complex.  

 

As I was leaving the party, a fellow party attendee approached me to tell me she uses Youth Complex, loves it, and that it normally sells for around $150.  She said it's made remarkable improvements in her skin.  I'll update you after I've used it for awhile and let you know if I like it.  I would think, at $150, it must be pure magic in a bottle.

As the guests left, each person was given a goody bag.  Inside, there was a host of things including a Twenty Four At Heart business card for each guest.  I bet the guests were much more excited by the necklaces in their bags though.  (The male guests had an instant gift for a woman in their life.)

Later this week (Friday?), I'll share with you a few photos of the necklaces they gave away.  I also thought I'd give you an update on some of the latest and greatest news in the world of Orange County plastic surgery sometime soon.  There's one product I'm really intrigued by.  In fact, I'd like to buy it by the barrel and take baths in it.  I'll tell you more about it soon.

Remember, even if you weren't available to attend the party, Pacific Center for Plastic Surgery is offering discounts on both injectables and surgeries for the next few months to all Twenty Four At Heart readers.  You just need to let their office know you're one of my readers when you make an appointment.  

Once again, a huge thank you to Dr. Horowitz and Dr. Nichter for being such big Twenty Four At Heart supporters and fans.  I had a great time Thursday night and I hope everyone else did too.

© Twenty Four At Heart

I'm Mellllllllltttttttttting! Part 1

I'm going to apologize upfront for any plastic surgery burn out you may get from my posts this week and next.  I have a lot of plastic surgery-related events, but no plastic surgery, going on in my life for these two weeks.  And, after all, Twenty Four At Heart is a reflection of my life.  

Yesterday, I told you about the upcoming plastic surgery party and all the pertaining details.  (Including the fact that YOU are invited!)  Speaking of, have you called to RSVP yet?

Today I'm going to tell you about my first experience with the Fat Melting Machine.

Yes, I do live in The OC, why do you ask?

For those of you who haven't been reading along, I volunteered to be a test patient for a Fat Melting Machine.  My friends at the Pacific Center for Plastic Surgery (PCPS) are considering adding this machine to their practice, but they want to see results first.

Obviously, they don't want to treat patients with it if they aren't going to get great results.

The treatment consists of six, 40 minute, sessions.  In essence, it's two weeks of Monday/Wednesday/Friday treatments.  I agreed to be a test patient because I really wanted to write about the experience whether it be a positive or a negative one.  The PCPS had absolutely no qualms about me doing so.

The experience began, in part, last Friday when I was informed I would be photographed for my "before" photos on Monday which was to be my first day of treatment.

"No problem," I said cheerfully.

"In your bra and underwear," replied the Center's office manager.

... Silence ...

Say what?

If I could have un-volunteered to be a test patient right at that moment, I would have.

Over the weekend I went and bought myself some black "granny panties" to wear with a black bra I already own.  My goal was to cover as much of myself as possible for the photographs. 

My anxiety over being photographed in just panties and a bra ran high all weekend.

I kid you not, those granny panties came up higher than the waist of the pants I wore to PCPS on Monday morning.  Do people really wear those every day?

Monday morning found me at the plastic surgeon's office.  I was ushered into a room where the fat melting machine, better known as Zerona, was located.  (I will explain more about how the machine works - if it does - in future posts.)  Three women accompanied me into the room.  Two were staff members from PCPS, and one was there from Erchonia, the company which manufactures the Zerona machine.  The woman from Erchonia was there to train the others.  

I joked about my granny panties and was informed they'd prefer me in a thong.  (Briefcase always says the same thing!)  I had brought a thong with me because I wasn't sure if the lasers on the machine would work through fabric.

Grudgingly, I changed into my thong.

First, I was weighed.  I may have screeched real loudly when I saw the number on the scale.  By the way, Zerona is not designed as a weight loss tool.  It's supposed to be a "body slimming" treatment, meaning the objective is to reduce inches.

I stood against a wall with a blue background as photos were taken of my every bump, bulge, and crater of cellulite.  I turned this way, and that, to the side, to the front, and even faced backwards so my practically-bare ass could be photographed in all its glory.  When that was done, every measurement on my body was taken from my neck measurements to my knees.

Humiliating, much?

I wouldn't have minded when I was twenty, but I am .. 24 .. now, and my body has changed.  I hate to subject strangers to my extremely imperfect near-nakedness.

Quite honestly, the measurement taking and the photographing of my fat was the worst part of the entire experience.  After that was done, I hopped up on a table and laid down for twenty minutes on my back, followed by twenty minutes on my stomach.  I wore a special type of sunglasses to protect my eyes from the lasers on the machine.

Red lights moved over my body, from my waist to my upper thighs.  The lights (lasers) were neither cold nor hot.  (Although, technically, Zerona uses cold laser therapy - it doesn't feel at all cold.)  It actually feels like ... absolutely nothing.

I asked questions about the machine, the technology, and what type of results I should expect during my forty minute treatment.  I was instructed to drink a lot of water to help flush my now melted fat out of my body.

Before I knew it, I was done.

I was back in my clothes in less than thirty seconds.  After that I viewed some before and after photos of other people who have been treated with The Fat Melting Machine.  Some of the results seemed pretty impressive, others not so much.

I have zero expectations for my own results.   I volunteered to do this because I thought it would be interesting, fun, and great writing material.  If I lose a few inches along the way?

Well, that would be a nice bonus.

© Twenty Four At Heart

You're Invited to a Plastic Surgery Party!

The Pacific Center for Plastic Surgery is having a Plastic Surgery Party in Huntington Beach on Thursday, March 11th, from 6:30 - 8:30 p.m.  Because I have friends in high places, the center is allowing me to invite YOU, both my male and female readers, to attend this amazing event!

I know my far away readers won't be able to attend.  You will, however, get to read all about the party right here on Twenty Four At Heart.

Not only that, the Pacific Center for Plastic Surgery is also offering some special deals for Twenty Four At Heart readers whether they are able to attend the party or not.  What kind of deals?  Well, you'll have to read a little further to find out.

I'm so excited to tell you what this party entails!  I've decided to break it down in a list of expectations for you.

What To Expect at This Free Event:

1.  Scrumptious nibbles, treats and champagne.  This "event" is basically just a very fun, nice, party.  And no, you do not have to get super dressy for it, but coming like a slob would not be appropriate either.

2.  A "goody" bag for all attendees.  (I've had a sneak preview and I think you'll like it!)

3.  A chance to mingle with Dr. Horowitz and Dr. Nichter, two of Orange County's most respected plastic surgeons, and their staff.  (The nicest people anywhere!)  

4.  Some fabulous prizes will be raffled off including:  An Obagi Blue Peel (valued at $1,200), a facial by Innovative Skincare (valued at $150), Latisse (FDA approved eyelash lengthener and thickener), iS Clinical Products ($200 value), and a Vitamedica Gift Basket (valued at $100).  Oh, how I hope I WIN something!

5.  An opportunity to learn about the latest and greatest in the world of plastic surgery.

6.  Some fun people-watching.  You'd be amazed at the great stories some of the guests will be willing to share after having a glass or two of champagne!

7.  And oh yes, a chance to spend some time with me!  (I'll try to be on good behavior, but you just never know with me, do you?  At the last Plastic Surgery Party I *might* have played catch with a breast implant.  I do not recommend you do that!)

What NOT to Expect at This Event:

1. Do not expect to get in if you don't RSVP.  You MUST call (714) 902-1100 and let them know you will be attending.  Space is limited, so if you're interested please don't postpone giving them a call.  (Also, let them know you're one of my readers when you RSVP.)  Yes, you may bring friends with you as long as you RSVP for the total number of guests.

2.  Do not expect to see anyone getting plastic surgery at the party - not even Botox injections.  There won't be any procedures taking place that night. 

3.  Do not expect anyone to try and "sell" you anything or try to convince you that you need plastic surgery.  Dr. Nichter and Dr. Horowitz are professionals, and so is their staff.  Yes, you may ask THEM questions if you want ....  No, they will not point out your muffin top to you.  (I know this, because I've been to parties with them and they've never once told me I need a body lift and I DO!!!)

4.  Do not expect either of the doctors to have the time to give you a full consultation right there in the middle of the party.  They're both more than happy to answer questions, but if you'd really like to discuss your crows feet, sagging chin, baby-belly and wobbly thighs all in one conversation, you'll need to make an appointment for a consultation.  There will be a lot of guests wanting to mingle with the docs and it wouldn't be fair to the other guests if they spent the entire evening only with you.

5.  Do not expect a pair of Bionic Nipples in your Goody Bag.

Special Offer for Twenty Four At Heart Readers:

Don't ever say I haven't been looking out for my reader's best interests! 

The Pacific Center for Plastic Surgery is offering the following to all Twenty Four At Heart readers:

A 10% discount on any surgeries scheduled with their office for the 6 month period running from the March 11th event until September 11, 2010.

A 10% discount on any injectables (botox, sculptra, etc.) scheduled with their office for the 3 month period running from the March 11th event until June 11, 2010.

What do you need to do to get the above discount?

You need to tell them you are one of my readers when you book the appointment.  That's all! 

Easy-peasy!

(And no, I'm not making any money, whatsoever, off of this!)

Details, Details, Details!

The Pacific Center for Plastic Surgery is located at 7677 Center Ave., Suite 401, Huntington Beach, CA  92647.  Their phone number, again, is (714) 902-1100.  You must call and let them know if you plan to attend!

I am SO looking forward to meeting as many of you as possible.  I hope you can join me.  Thank you again, to Dr. Horowitz and Dr. Nichter for extending this invitation (and the discounts!) to my readers.

© Twenty Four At Heart

Random Like That

I've been pretty low-key, just letting my eyes rest, and staying home a lot this week.  It certainly cuts down on my blogging material when I'm not out embarrassing myself and about as much as usual.  Never fear, though, I'm seeing much better and although my eyes aren't entirely back to normal, I think life will be back to its usual craziness this weekend.

In the meantime, I thought I'd share these little snippets with you.

1.  Proving once again, I have the greatest readers in the world, it turns out (at least) one of YOU is an opthamologist.  (You know who you are!)  It is just amazing to write about a situation and have a reader reach out to me with knowledge, advise, and comfort.  It makes me love this online world even more.

2.  Proving, however, nothing is perfect ....  I found one of the strangest reader emails of my life in my Inbox this week.  Some of you people out there?  Are bizarre.  I'm still shaking my head and asking myself, "Who takes the time to write such a long, rambling, email like this to a writer on the Internet?"  The person who sent it, clearly is in need of some psychological help.  It was not from one of my regular readers.  I know my regular readers are fantastic!

3.  I ran into Trader Joe's (a market, for those of you who aren't lucky enough to have TJ's where you live) to pick up enough food for my constantly starving 14 year old son.  I debated wearing sunglasses inside the store because my eyes are still uber-sensitive to bright light.  It would not be an unusual sight to see a person with sunglasses on indoors here.  I do live in Orange County, after all.  I opted not to.  

Five minutes into my shopping trip, a total stranger looked at me and said, "Have you been crying?  Your eyes are so red!  What's wrong?"  I mumbled something about eye allergies and moved on.

But really?

What if I HAD been crying?  What if I was going through some type of tragedy?  Would I want a total stranger to approach me and ask about it?  If you saw someone in a store with red, swollen, eyes would you approach them and ask about their life?

4.  I owe a bazillion people return emails right now, I'm sorry.  I know you understand, but I feel terrible when people email me with questions, etc. and I don't get back to them in a timely manner.

5.  I no longer have a physical therapist and that makes me euphoric, frustrated and sad all at the same time.

6.  I think my treatment for my arm has reached its permanent end.  That realization also makes me euphoric, frustrated and sad all at the same time.  

7.  For the record, I think Anthem Blue Cross (part of WellPoint) is a greedy, disgusting, medical insurance company.  Our economy sucks and people are really struggling to maintain health care.  At the same time, the WellPoint CEO was discussing her million dollar plus salary, and her eight million dollars worth of stock options, in congressional hearings this week.  All the while, Blue Cross/WellPoint is raising their insurance premiums for all of us "normal" people and paying their providers, the people we depend on to take care of us, way less.

Shame on you Blue Cross!

** Hopping off my soapbox now **

8.  Since I've been stuck in the house so much lately, I find myself very bored and perusing online sites.  One of my all time favorites, is B&H for photography related stuff.  I called them the other day and spent forever talking photography with one of their sales guys.  (Honestly, their sales people are SO nice, SO knowledgeable, and gush, gush, gush!)  I feel like I can call anytime just to ask questions.

But, of course, I wasn't calling just to ask questions.  I ordered a lens on my photography-related wish list.  It should arrive today.  Guess what I'll be playing with if I can find a few spare moments this weekend?

9.  I've been shooting a few photos again in the last day or two.  I'm ecstatic and will have a few to share with you over the weekend or next week.

10.  One of the women on The Real Housewives of Orange County really is the bitch she appears to be on TV.  I bet you can guess which one.

11.  I have my first treatment scheduled with the Fat Melting Machine (I'm a "test" subject for the machine) on March 1st.  My expectation level for results is at zero, but I still think it will be an interesting experience.  I'll have details on the March 11th Plastic Surgery Party for you at the beginning of next week.  Mark your calendars!

12.  I might be watching American Idol and Tweeting while I type this, so please excuse any typos.  I feel a strong responsibility to be a Twitter Judge whenever Idol is on.  Maybe it's my extreme love for music, or maybe it's just fun to act like I know what I'm talking writing about.  In any case, I take my Twitter Idol Judging responsibilities very seriously.

13.  I could make a list like this go on for days, but I won't.  (You're welcome.)

14.  One of my readers, Queen of Chaos, called her local Cole Haan store two nights ago to inquire on my behalf about the jacket I'm searching for.  How nice is she?  They informed her, and she informed me, it will be released to stores in 2-3 weeks.

Did I mention I have the best readers in the world!?

© Twenty Four At Heart

Call Me Exhibit A

Last June, I underwent breast reduction surgery at the urging of my shoulder surgeon, Dr. Schobert.  He felt it would help me with my post-car accident arm/shoulder/neck/upper back problems.  My arm/shoulder is doing much better now than it was pre-reduction, but I can't say definitively if my improvement is a result of the reduction or not.  In any case, I now have smaller, perkier, breasts and less pain than I had pre-reduction.

Oh, I also now have bionic nipples which are both a blessing and a curse.

If you've been reading Twenty Four At Heart for awhile, you know I became friends with just about everyone in my plastic surgeon's office as a result of my reduction.  I love the doctor (Dr. Nichter), and I've written about the wonderful volunteer work he does around the world here and here.  

At some point, I really need to talk to Dr. Nichter about becoming an official sponsor of Twenty Four At Heart, but at this point we've merely established an unofficial alliance.  In other words, I think the world of him and I'm more than happy to give him publicity here on 24.  In return, he keeps me up to date on the latest and greatest with Orange County plastic surgery and invites me to cover events he's involved with.

It allows me to write fun stories for you.

Recently, I've been talking to Dr. Nichter and his staff about an event they're throwing in Huntington Beach on the evening of March 11th.  It will be a plastic surgery party like the one I wrote about last fall (Part I and Part II).  Dr. Nichter has decided to let me invite all of my readers (male and female) to the March event.  

He is a brave, brave, man!

I realize many of you live in Australia or South Africa or China or other far away places, and will not be able to attend.  On the other hand, those of you who are in Orange, L.A., Ventura, Riverside, or San Diego counties may want to make the trip.  I will have more details for you as the event gets closer, but I wanted to let you know so you can save the date now.  If you can make it, I'm sure you'll have a fantastic time, plus you'll have the opportunity to party with me for the evening and it doesn't cost a cent!

I also promise you no one will be at the party pressuring you to have plastic surgery.  It isn't that type of event, at all.

I'm a lot of fun to hang out with, by the way!

Also?

Dr. Nichter and I are discussing a plan to give my readers some type of discount on services offered by his office (probably on injectables).  They won't be performing procedures at the party, but that doesn't mean you might not be interested in taking advantage of a Twenty Four At Heart Reader Discount at another time.  I will let you know once the details are finalized.

Last week, I was at Dr. Nichter's office discussing the upcoming March event with him.  (And to be honest, spending most of my time getting caught up, and visiting, with his staff.)  Being the nosy person I am, I was taking note of the new changes in his office since I last visited.

That's when I realized, omigod (!), Dr. Nichter now has a fat melting machine!

I'm not even joking!

Except, the machine technically doesn't actually melt fat, but as far as I'm concerned - it MELTS FAT!

I was so excited by the idea, it's entirely possible Dr. Nichter could not make me shut-up.   I prattled on and on (and on and on!) about it.  He informed me they are currently testing it out as a "body slimming" machine.  It involves no incisions, no pain, and no down time.  It supposedly helps a person to "reshape" their body, decrease cellulite, and also tighten and tone loose skin.

All while you just sit there reading, talking on the phone, or writing blog posts.

"You should let me test it for you!" I exclaimed eagerly.

Dr. Nichter smiled patiently at me, and eventually gave in to my incessant pleading said he thought so too.

Yes readers, he is going to let me be a test subject for his new machine at no cost to myself.  It's a service that normally would cost $2,500.  It involves six, forty minute, visits where I just sit there while my fat, hopefully, melts.  I'm going to be writing about my experience, whether it be a positive one or a negative one.

Let's be honest, I am extremely skeptical of the magic fat melting machine.

Do I expect to sit under a light for 40 minutes on six occasions and become thinner?  No, I do not.

On the other hand, I've got a lot nothing to lose, and what can it hurt?  There are no side effects whatsoever.

The manufacturer of the fat melting machine (which I will tell you more about at a later date) claims 80% of the people who try the treatment lose over six inches.

I don't believe them.

The fat melting machine needs to prove itself to me, and I absolutely hope it does.  Regardless, I will share my experience and results with you (in terms of inches lost, if any) here on Twenty Four At Heart.

I'm in the process of trying to clear my calendar right now to make this "experiment" work.  I have to be available two weeks in a row, three days each week, in order to do this.  I'm hoping to start melting my fat in about two weeks if I can make all the arrangements. 

I'm so excited to be a test subject.  Just think, if you make it to the party on March 11th, there might be less of me to meet!

© Twenty Four At Heart

Emotional Hangover

Have you ever felt hungover just from stress?  

Or from emotions running intense and high? 

Well, yeah ... that's where I am. 

I'm wiped out, drained.

You guys were awesome yesterday.  Your comments, emails, tweets ... all made me feel like there really are good people in this world still.  I'm sorry I haven't gotten back to each of you individually yet.

Did I mention I'm emotionally drained?

There are two parts to my break up with The Torturer.  I'm trying to adjust to, and digest, both. 

First, there's the fact I've lost my long-term physical therapist.  Many of you have been lucky enough never to experience physical therapy.  Physical therapy isn't 100% about the physical.  When you go to PT for a long time, you develop a bond and trust and a relationship with your therapist.  That relationship, if it's successful, is a mixture of mutual trust and respect and even more trust.

After all, you are letting someone physically hurt you.  You have to be able to trust they'll do the right thing for you and also know not to hurt you too much.

(Something The Torturer has completely lost sight of this week.)

The professional bond is not usually severed as abruptly as in my situation.

I walked in the door of PT on Wednesday knowing I had a physical therapist I felt comfortable with and a few minutes later I no longer did.  The unexpectedness of the situation sent me reeling with anxiety and fear over the physical welfare of my arm (and all of its adjacent body parts).

The Torturer would tell you I had the option to continue treatment at his facility.  Perhaps, in his mind I did.

But ... there was no option.

I will find another physical therapist.  There are a zillion of them in Orange County and most of them take my insurance.  It might take a week or two to find one I feel is a good fit, but I know I will.  In fact, my shoulder surgeon read yesterday's post and emailed me with a few recommendations last night.

It was reassuring to hear from him.  It sounds sappy, but my immediate thought was, "Well, at least someone still cares about my recovery."

I hope my insurance will continue to pay for PT when I make the change to a new practice.  I know already, there's a very good chance they won't.

And then?  

I'm shit out of luck.

Thank you for that Mr. Torturer.

Don't get me wrong.  

I agree with The Torturer, Anthem Blue Cross is being One Gigantic Asshole.  I also agree, The Torturer needs to do what he feels is best for his employees and his business.

I have no problem with any of that.

As I wrote yesterday, I have a problem with how this decision was handled on the patient end.

The second part of this situation, the truly painful part, is the friendship involved.  

I've known The Torturer for nearly fifteen years.  

It isn't something I've written about much here.  I've shared with you the PT aspect of The Torturer, but not much about The Friendship aspect of The Torturer.  

I suppose it goes without saying, losing him as a friend is the part that hurts the most.  

He tried to tell me nothing has changed with us.

I don't know how he can say that?

(Did our friendship ever really exist in the first place?  This is something I question constantly now.)

I knew the friendship was gone the minute I felt the door slam on my ass as I left on Wednesday.

I knew it again, with an intense and very painful jolt, when I read his email and text messages last night.

I think that's all I should say about the relationship aspect of this situation.  Except, you know, it hurts on a personal level a lot.

I haven't mourned a friendship in a long time, and now - I am.

The Torturer left a comment on my post yesterday.  If you didn't see it, you might be interested in going back and taking a look at what he had to say.  Or maybe not.  He also wrote me a long letter and asked me to use it as today's post.  For a variety of reasons, I didn't feel it was appropriate to do so.

I'm not sure if I'll be posting this weekend.  If not, I'll be back on Monday.  

Also?  I do have some very interesting news to share with you next week.  It got upstaged by all the PT drama, but I really think you'll enjoy hearing about it.

Thank you again for all the kind words and virtual hugs.  

You are so often a huge source of strength - thank you!

Suzanne

© Twenty Four At Heart

Where The Torturer & I Break Up

You wouldn't believe everything that happened to me yesterday.  It was one of those days where I had nearly every moment booked from the moment I woke up until late in the evening.  In addition to all the planned activities for the day, there was an emotional roller coaster of unexpected events taking place too.

I will share a lot of yesterday's events with you, but for now, for today, let's just focus on one thing - my break up with The Torturer after our three and a half year relationship.

Well, let me be honest about this ... The Torturer broke up with me.

(And if you're a new reader, I apologize in advance but you will not understand today's post.  Perhaps you should go back and read my About Page, and/or peruse my Recovery category to get up to speed.)

There are two parts to this story.  I will explain the factual, blah, blah, blah part first (and quickly!) so when you read the ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGH! CURSE! TEARS! emotional part, it will make more sense.

My medical insurance is with Anthem Blue Cross of California.  For writing purposes, I will just refer to them as BC for Blue Cross.  

Recently, BC made the decision to pay physical therapists in California about half of what they have been paying them in the past for a patient's PT visit.  (This is in spite of making incredible profits as an insurance company.  Don't we all hate the big bad insurance companies?)  In other words, Blue Cross is forcing a 50% pay-cut on physical therapists who treat BC patients.  The Torturer has known for months this change was on the horizon and he's been very upset about it.  He's said it may result in having to cut the salaries of his employees or laying people off.  Around one third of The Torturer's patients are BC patients.

WAKE UP READERS!

I'M DONE WITH THE BLAH, BLAH, BLAH PART!

Yesterday, when I walked into PT I was informed The Torturer had made the decision to pull his practice out of the BC network of providers - effective at the beginning of the very week we are existing in right now.  That means I already attended two appointments this week I'm not covered for.

What all this means is, my insurance will no longer pay for me to go to PT at my current facility.

What it also means is, I no longer have The Torturer as my physical therapist.

What it also means is, I have no plan for immediate treatment and my arm and upper body will begin exploding in breathtaking pain in 3 ... 2 ... 1 ....

What it also MAY mean, is a discontinuation of insurance coverage for my arm forever.  (The reasons for this are long and technical and boring so I won't list them, but losing my coverage for PT on my arm is now a strong likelihood.)

I feel all my hopes for my arm, and dreams of my recovery, falling and shattering into a million splintered pieces on the ground.  I feel the fear of regressing, of losing what I've fought so hard for, clutching like a vise at my heart.  

In my mind, I hear over, and over again, The Torturer's words from just last week.  He chided me for missing two appointments because it became instantly apparent I had regressed in even that short amount of time.  I struggled to lift a one pound weight when the week before I had lifted three.

I think about my camera, my love of photography ... how hard I've fought and what I may now lose.

What happens to me now?

Could I pay cash (at a reduced rate) to continue my treatment?  Well, technically I could.  

Realistically, I cannot.

The Torturer did not handle any of this the way I think he should have.  (That is strictly my opinion as his long-term patient, and as his friend.)  I'm very hurt and disappointed.

Although I've known The Torturer has been frustrated by Blue Cross "issues," there was no advance warning he was considering exiting the BC network.  Therefore, The Torturer's BC patients (or *ahem* FRIENDS) had no idea of this impending change.

There was no transition time provided for me his patients to find alternative treatment.

There were no suggestions or referrals provided for the treatment patients need (and which The Torturer will no longer be providing.)

[Although, later - in an exchange of text messages and emails, The Torturer said he would provide referrals if requested.]

When I asked The Torturer what I should do, he said, "That's up to you."

And yes, I did take that to mean, "I don't give a shit, you don't bring any money in for me anymore."

Is that what he meant?

You would have to ask him.  I can only write about how his words made me feel.

I feel abandoned.

I feel betrayed.

I feel like I've lost the ONE person who has truly understood what I've gone through since my accident.  (Who, apparently, doesn't really understand at all because if he did he wouldn't have walked away from me without a visible ounce of concern for my well being.)

I feel very hurt at how casually I was "dismissed."

I feel myself sinking, and sinking, and yes - giving up all hope for any further recovery.

© Twenty Four At Heart

iSuck (Just Ask Me To)

Last month Las Vegas hosted the AEE - better known as the Adult Entertainment Expo.

No, I didn't attend.

I would love to next year though.  Think of the giggles blog material!

A man named Douglas Hines unveiled a sex-robot at the Expo.  Her name is Roxxxy.  She is the most advanced sex robot ever invented.  Roxxxy won't be available for purchase for a few months still, but supposedly thousands of men have already pre-ordered a Roxxxy of their very own.  (If you're interested, you can contact Hines' very graphic site here, but I should warn you in advance it isn't appropriate if you're at work.)

I found this photo of (anatomically correct) Roxxxy with her creator online.

Did you notice her mouth is open?

* snicker *

Personally, I don't find Roxxxy very attractive but I'm a heterosexual female.  You may have a different opinion.

Here's Roxxxy in a different outfit and position (and apparently with a companion).

 

Roxxxy comes with a high price tag.  She costs $7,000!  

That's right seven thousand dollars!

I suppose her price tag makes her perfect for rich, lonely, OC men.

Roxxxy is five foot seven inches tall and weighs a thin 120 pounds.  Her skin is made out of the same soft, silicone, material that artificial limbs are made out of.  Heated air blows pumps through her body to keep her warm to the touch.

(I'm really, really, trying to give you all the information about Roxxxy without making any puns.  It's very hard difficult.)

Why is Roxxxy so special?  Well, there are several reasons.  Roxxxy comes with five different personalities including Frigid Farrah and Wild Wendy.  Her companion can pick whichever personality he/she's in the mood for.

Can anyone tell me why someone would pay $7000 for a frigid rubber sex robot?

Roxxxy is also a product of artificial intelligence (as are many Orange County women.)  She can carry on conversations, express emotion and answer questions.  She can't move on her own so her owner won't have to worry about Roxxxy wandering off with another partner when he needs her most.  She, however, can be contorted into most "natural" positions for your enjoyment.

I'm going to leave that last sentence alone.

Writing this post is taking amazing restraint on my part!

Roxxxy has "sensors" in her hands, and genitals (and breasts? does she have bionic nipples?) so she will respond orally vocally when touched.  I'm not sure if she's a moaner or a screamer.  It might depend on which personality her companion has chosen at the time.  

Roxxxy shudders when she has an orgasm.

What happens to a man's ego if he can't make his sex robot cum?

Roxxxy isn't perfect.  She snores in her sleep.  Yes, she really does.  There's a button to turn off her snoring if you find it irritating.  (I'm trying to get a button installed on Briefcase with the same feature!)  Also, Roxxxy's battery only lasts about three hours on one charge.  When she needs to be recharged, her companion uses an electrical cord which plugs into her back.

When I need to be recharged, I head out of town for the weekend.

If you want to pay extra, Roxxxy's creator can program her to discuss particular topics.  Are you into the stock market?  Does it turn you on?  Well, he can program Roxxxy to discuss the market with you for an extra fee.  Have you always wanted a woman who loves to watch, and discuss, lacrosse with you?  Roxxxy may be the answer.

In the future, versions of Roxxxy are expected to do even more.  (Which begs the question, what won't Roxxxy do now?)  

A male sex robot is in the making also.  He'll be named Rocky.

I'm sure it won't be long until Apple comes out with a similar doll of their own.  Possible names for an Apple sex doll?  How about iSuck?  Or maybe it should be iFuck?

© Twenty Four At Heart

Funny Names of Cities and Towns

Yesterday I mentioned my discovery of a place in Canada named Lower Sackville.  The same day, someone informed me of a town named Glory Hole.  A few readers emailed or left me comments with a few more funny names.  In addition, I've done a little research.  I'm compiling a list of towns/cities/places with amusing names.

I'm hoping you can help me expand my list.

This is what I have so far:

Lower Sackville (also Upper and Middle Sackville)

Glory Hole

Bald Knob (Arkansas)

Dildo (in Newfoundland)

Surprise (Arizona)

Oral (South Dakota)

Intercourse (Pennsylvania)

Virginville (Pennsylvania)

Beaver Crossing (Nebraska)

Horneytown (North Carolina)

Fort Dick (California)

Timbuctoo (California)

Blue Ball (Delaware)

Kickapoo (Illinois)

Assawoman Bay (Maryland)

Twatt (Scotland)

Wetwang (England)

I'm sure you can help me come up with more?

© Twenty Four At Heart

Bits and Pieces

I'm going to be touching on several topics, briefly, today.  I know you must love when I ramble on and on about this and that.  Nonetheless, there are a few things I want to update you on and none of them are worth an entire post on their own.

By the way, I might sorta be on drugs.  I don't think I need to confess that, but I better in case this post doesn't make sense.  Or in case I have a lot of typos.  Or something.  Only a little itty bit of drugs (and totally The Torturer's fault), but I'm warning you just in case ....

1.  First of all, wow!  Yes, wow!  Thank you so much for your support yesterday with my new photo gallery.  Honestly, the best people in the world come here (and there!) to visit.  I don't even know what to say except THANK YOU for being so supportive and just plain wonderful!

2.  Apple announced the new iPad yesterday.  I've never heard as many period-related jokes in my life as I did in the first hour after the announcement.  Clearly Apple needs a female on their marketing team.  There's not a woman on earth who would have suggested or approved iPad as a name.

3.  I'm taking three classes right now.  I feel like a full time student again.  First, I'm taking a Photoshop class.  So far, I've primarily learned how much I don't know about Photoshop.  I'm also taking a photography class.  The instructor thinks I'm really good at landscape photography.  He made me happy, giving me a lot of really positive feedback.  He also told me he can make me even better by teaching me "a few tricks."  Then he informed me I pretty much suck at portrait photography.  Um, maybe that's why I don't shoot people very often?

Shoot people?

It sounds so violent.

In addition, I'm taking some online tutorials (various topics) at Lynda.com.  It sounds so wrong when I tell my family I need to be left alone for awhile so I can "go do Lynda."

4.  I barely have time to breathe.  Maybe one class at a time would have been a better idea?

5.  Remember when my son was injured during football season and had to be rushed in for ankle surgery?  Well, he's still going through physical therapy, but he's almost done.  He is doing GREAT!  In addition, the baseball coaches at his high school have bent over backwards to accommodate him.  The freshman baseball team was announced this week and he made the team.  He's thrilled.  I'm very happy for him and also relieved.  My son lives for baseball, it's hands down his favorite sport.  He would have been crushed if he couldn't play due to a football injury.  (No more football in his future!)  

There will be a lot of high school baseball games for me to attend in upcoming months.  

Bleacher butt here I come!

6.  The Torturer put me in the worst pain imaginable last Monday.  I haven't been back to PT since.  (For a host of reasons, not just because the man hurts me.)  In any case, I'm hoping in another day or two the pain will have mellowed out to the point where I might be able to sleep through the night.  I'm verrrry tired from all the pain.  Boo Hiss on The Torturer!  (Also?  I bet he really misses me a lot!)

7.  There's a town in Canada named Lower Sackville.  I find this exceedingly funny because I have the sense of humor of a 12 year old boy.  One of my twitter friends is Canadian and informed me there is a Middle and Upper Sackville also.  Another Twitter friend chimed in with a town she encountered named Glory Hole.  ("I just entered Glory Hole - it's rockin' my world.")  

Yes, I use Twitter to further my intellectual development, why do you ask?

© Twenty Four At Heart

THIS is Orange County?

**  Twenty Four At Heart 2010 Calendars were mailed out to all contest winners yesterday.  **

I was going to write up the rest of my Santa Barbara trip for you today, but it will have to wait.  

You won't believe what's been happening in Orange County during this week of El Nino "epic" storms!

I know many of you will laugh at me for thinking this is a big deal ... but it IS a big deal here.

Yesterday we had a torrential downpour at my house.  The canyon I live in is right against the mountains.  When there's rain, we usually get a lot more than other areas of The OC.  The clouds get stuck here - basically, they stay pinned up against the mountains.

The bottom half of my two-level patio was flooded.  The drains couldn't begin to keep up with the amount of rain coming down.

The water level rose almost to the point of entering the house.  Thank goodness the rain finally slowed down just in time to prevent major problems.

We had buckets of rain, lightening (!), thunder (!), a tornado (!!) in Huntington Beach, and 50-60 mph winds.

This is not even remotely "normal" for Orange County.  Yes, we get awe-inspiring Santa Ana winds here but those occur with clear skies.

Oh, I almost forgot - we got SNOW too!  

 

Well ... not really.  It was hail.  

 

Nevertheless, anything white and cold is a very rare occurrence here. 

They're predicting even bigger storms today and the remainder of the week.

Wow!

© Twenty Four At Heart

Maybe I SHOULD Move to a Cold Climate?

I'm really not trying to be a tease ....

I promise you The Nipple Story tomorrow.

I swear.

I'm all discombobulated without my computer and I'm not even kidding - I can't think in a straight line without it.  

I've got the shakes.  

Computer withdrawals.

It's been over 24 hours now.  I'm never going to make it two weeks without my laptop.

Never.

I can't work on our desktop computer because it would involve raising my right arm up to desk level to type.  I can't lift my arm to do that except very briefly because ... um, I have a bum arm.  Instead, I've currently stolen borrowed PR's laptop for a few minutes.  He probably needs it for Facebook homework this very minute.

Nonetheless, I had to tell you about Fat Freezing because I predict it's going to be the new rage in Orange County.  In fact, it's already here, but on a very limited basis.

All of my readers, in places like North Dakota and Minnesota, are thinking, "What the hell?  We freeze our fat all winter long!"

Not that I'm saying you're fat.  I'm sure you're not.  I wasn't trying to imply in any way whatsoever, that you are fat.  I just meant, if you happened to have even one ounce of body fat anywhere on your body .....

Never mind.

It's called Zeltiq. 

Some of my readers in Asia and Europe may already be familiar with it? 

By the way, I'm in no way endorsing Zeltiq because I haven't tried it.  All I've done is read their website along with several articles about it.

The concept is something I think the OC women, and men, will jump on.  It's kind of like liposuction, except entirely different.  (Meaning:  It's designed to decrease fat in my thighs targeted areas and not a method of overall weight loss.)  

There are no needles, no need for anesthesia, no incisions ... it's not surgery.  Basically, it's a machine which cools fat to around 41F/5C during a one hour session.  The fat pretty much freezes (actually crystallizes) , killing the fat cells.  A person's body will then naturally dispose of the dead fat cells over the course of the next several weeks.

Now, what's the cost of getting rid of your tummy bulge?  It depends, I guess, on how many one hour sessions it takes to freeze your fat off.  In reading online reviews, it looks like $2-3,000 per body area is average.  (One session runs around $800, but most areas require more than one session.) 

I'm not sure how this compares to the cost of liposuction?

The big advantage, it seems, is the fact that freezing your fat off is not a painful process, whereas liposuction is.  (One of my friends had liposuction on her thighs, hips and butt and told me she felt like she had been run over by a truck for a few weeks after.)

I wish someone would lipo the fat off my thighs, hips and butt too .... 

However, I've already been run over by a truck car and it still hurts years later - so, no thank you.

What do you think about this new procedure?  Would you pay to have your fat frozen off?

© Twenty Four At Heart

Still Beautiful To Me

** Today is a continuation of yesterday's post regarding the work being done by the Plasticos Foundation. **

Pretend for a moment ... you are a 19 year old girl.  You're beautiful.  You live in India and it's your wedding day.

Your wedding day!  

You're on top of the world and your heart is filled with joy.

On your wedding night your dowry is delivered to your new father-in-law.  

Your father-in-law receives your dowry and realizes it's not enough for him to buy the new motorcycle he covets.  He erupts in anger.  In his rage, he throws acid on your face.  The acid sears your skin - melting it, if you will.  From the mouth down your beauty is destroyed.  You can no longer bend your neck due to burn contractures.

You've been maimed for life.

Your father-in-law goes to jail for thirty days, bribes an official, and is released.

You live disfigured and in shame.  One day you hear a team of American doctors are volunteering their time to come to India.  For the first time, you dare to hope your body might be restored, at least in part.  You are selected out of hundreds of people hoping to be aided by the doctors. 

This story is only one of many touching stories from India.  When the Plasticos Foundation traveled there, they were surprised by the number of burn victims they saw.  Some of the patients had been burned accidentally by kerosene lamps or cooking accidents.  Many were the victims of horrific domestic abuse.

Their stories, their injuries, are unforgettable.  Here are just a couple photos to give you an idea of the shocking cases Plasticos found waiting for them.  I know these photos are unpleasant to look at, but that's exactly why it's so important we do look at them.

 

 
 
 

 

In addition to many burn victims there were also children suffering from birth defects.  Children with fingers that were fused together preventing them from being used.  Children with arms that did not work or cleft lips and/or cleft palates and other deformities.

 

The local doctors did not have the training to help these people.  The patients did not have enough money even if the doctors had been trained.

The Plasticos Foundation performed over 80 surgeries at no cost to the patients and trained the local doctors while they were at it.  

 

The training of local doctors allows hundreds, if not thousands, more patients to be helped after Plasticos has departed.

What did receiving this help mean to these people?  Here are a few pictures of patients shortly after surgery.  

 

  
 
 

I could write post after post about the Plasticos Foundation.  Every patient is another story waiting to be told.  My heart has been touched deeply by what this organization is doing.  I hope your heart has been touched too by reading about their wonderful work.

If you feel so inclined, you can make a donation to Plasticos using the Donate button on their website.  I have, why don't you?

© Twenty Four At Heart

Changing Lives - Touching My Heart

I like to have fun here on Twenty Four At Heart.  I frequently make fun of myself as well as Orange County.  Today, however, I'm opening my heart to you in a way I never have before.  I want to share something special with you.  It's something that touches my heart deeply.

Many of you remember I went through breast reduction surgery last summer.  I did this at the urging of my orthopedic surgeon post car accident.  I ended up with smaller boobs and bionic nipples which provided me with all sorts of blog fodder.

The surgeon for my breast reduction was Dr. Larry Nichter from the Pacific Center for Plastic Surgery.  

Several months after my surgery, Dr. Nichter invited me to my first-ever plastic surgery party.  I detailed the events of the party in two posts for you here and here.

What I didn't tell you is, I came home from the party with a DVD.  A few days after the party I sat in my family room watching the DVD and bawled.  The DVD exposed me to stories unlike any I'd ever seen before.  Today, I'd like to share a portion of what I learned with you.

Dr. Nichter began a foundation called Plasticos in 1999.  Plasticos is a volunteer organization dedicated to providing life-changing reconstructive plastic surgery to people who are unable to afford it on their own.  The organization has made trips all over the world helping people (mainly children, but adults too) who would never have the opportunity to live a normal life otherwise.

Perhaps I was touched by the first DVD I watched because I have my own disability to grapple with as a result of my car accident.  Whatever the reason, the knowledge Plasticos is helping people achieve normality and overcome obstacles in their lives is a cause I care deeply about.

This little boy is named Jose. 

 

I'm sorry this picture is so pixelated, but I think you can see enough to understand Jose was born with a cleft lip, and palate, as well as deformities to his ears.  If Jose had been born in the United States, he would have had surgery to correct his deformities in his first three months of life.  Jose was four years old when he met the doctors from Plasticos.

 

This is a picture of Jose shortly after surgery.  You can see he still needs to heal from his surgery. 

You can also see a remarkable improvement.

Plasticos takes their efforts one step further than similar organizations.  When they travel to third world countries (India, Laos, Vietnam, Cuba, etc.) they teach the doctors in the host country how to perform the surgeries themselves.  When the Plasticos staff departs a few weeks later, the doctors they leave behind can carry on with their new knowledge and skills.

What is the saying?  Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day; Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime.

I don't know this gentleman's name, but can you imagine living into adulthood like this?

And then a team of American doctors from Plasticos visited.  Right after surgery he looked like this:

 

Plasticos works on a lot more than just cleft lips and palates.  I've watched videos of people with hands, arms, and legs which did not function prior to surgery.  Some of the patients are born with abnormalities, some have been involved in accidents, and some are victims of violence or abuse.  All of their lives were forever changed by the Plasticos team.

In the time since I watched the initial DVD I was given, I've viewed several DVDs of other Plastico trips.  (There have been 51 trips in all.)  I've also talked to Dr. Nichter about his organization on the phone at length, and interviewed him for over two hours in his office.

I'm not exaggerating in the least when I say I'm in awe of him.

(I bet he's blushing right now!)

But seriously, I am.  

Did I mention Dr. Nichter was named the Child Help Humanitarian of the Year for Orange County?  The work he's doing with Plasticos is valiant.  When you learn he frequently writes checks to cover Plasticos expenses himself, you realize he's even more remarkable.

The girl shown in the picture below is fourteen.  She was burned severely at age two in a cooking accident.  (Her family cooks on an open fire.)  Since being burned, her leg hasn't been able to function.  The burned skin was constricted.  She walked with the aid of a stick for twelve years.

 

Shortly after surgery she was able to take her first steps since the age of two:

How fortunate for her.  Can you imagine walking for the first time in twelve years as a fourteen year old?  What is it like to learn how to walk again?

The majority of Plasticos' patients are children, but some of the stories of adults touched my heart incredibly.  In many cultures, a deformity results in being ostracized.  As an example, in some countries people are not allowed jobs, or to marry, if they have any type of abnormality.  

Dr. Nichter has taken his expertise, and with a team of doctors, nurses, and staff, he's set out to make a profound difference in the world.  He's succeeding.  Thousands of peoples' lives are dramatically better because of the work Plasticos is doing.  Children who had been ostracized and shamed are now able to hold their heads up and walk with pride.

Tomorrow I will share with you the story which has moved me the most.  It's about a young woman in India.  It was her story that caused me to cry when I watched my first Plasticos DVD.  It's both a heart-wrenching and uplifting story.

Perfect for the holidays, don't you think?

In the meantime, if you're interested you can watch a short video on the Plasticos Foundation by clicking here.  And/or if you'd like to help Plasticos they have a donate button on their website or you can simply click here.  (Donations are tax deductible.)

P.S.  Because I know someone will ask ...  Each Plasticos trip costs around $50,000.  Every donation, no matter how small, helps.  

P.P.S.  The Plasticos Foundation is in need of warehouse space here in Orange County.  If you're an Orange County business and might be able to help, please contact Plasticos.

© Twenty Four At Heart

Gift Idea - And Giveaway!

I told you I'd share a few of my favorite things with you, now and again, as the holidays approach.  I'm always interested in hearing about gift ideas and I would assume many of you are also.

I have two disclosures to make prior to discussing today's gift idea.  First, the FTC has new regulations on bloggers and basically it comes down to this:  Did anyone pay me to write this?  No, they did not.  I also did not get anything for free.  This post is just me blabbing on (and on, and on!) as usual.

Second, I'm a nerd.  I love books.  I love computers.  I love the written word.  

I am a nerd.

OK, then .....

For the person that has everything or is impossible to buy for (I'm thinking grandparents, history buffs, the other nerds in the world, etc.) I'm suggesting this book:

 

When I last looked, this book (and the 3 DVDs that accompany it) was about $37 on Amazon.

It's a big (15" x 12"), heavy, coffee-table style book.  It covers over 150 years of key historical events as viewed on the front pages of the New York Times.  It even includes coverage as recent as Obama's election.

Inside it looks like this:

 

And this:

 
 There's even OJ Simpson:

Along with other, more important, historical issues:

  

It's a beautiful book.  Obviously, it's not the type of book most people would sit down and read cover to cover.  It is, however, ideal for picking up and perusing when you just have a few minutes here and there.

I find it fascinating to flip through The Complete Front Pages and get a glimpse into the past.  

I have ONE copy of this book to give away today.  

If you're interested, please leave a comment in my comments section.  You may enter as many times as you wish.  Each comment counts as one entry.  I will use the Random Integer Generator to pick a winner.  Comments will close at 10 p.m. Pacific time tonight.  The winner will be announced in tomorrow's post.

Good luck!

© Twenty Four At Heart

Seriously CBS?

The other night I was sitting in my favorite over-sized leather chair.  I was trying to fight off my turkey coma (caused by eating copious amounts of turkey and trimmings).  I was staring into the depths of my laptop as I guiltily contemplated the many emails I've neglected recently and really must get caught up on.  

In the background, the TV blared and I ignored it.  I'm not much of a TV person, but Briefcase is.  When he's home, the TV is usually on.

My attention was suddenly caught by a man's voice saying (rather loudly) from our TV, "Pap smears save lives."

Startled, I glanced at the TV.  A very handsome Josh Pais stared back at me with Christmas bells jingling in the background.

For a moment, I questioned if I had really just heard what my brain and ears knew I had.

A handsome man surrounded by jingling Christmas bells doesn't normally discuss pap smears.  (Especially on TV while many of us share a relaxing evening with our family/kids surrounding us.)

Don't get me wrong.  I agree, pap smears do save lives.  One of my neighbors died from cervical cancer and I'm very aware of the importance of the test.  I'm in no way disagreeing with the idea of pap smears, their importance, or even the fact that Public Service Announcements on TV about them might help save lives.

(And also?  Don't even get me started on recent women's health issues such as the new mammogram and pap smear guidelines!)

But Josh Pais?  Pap smears and jingle bells?

As my brain was trying to fully wrap itself around what I was seeing and hearing, Josh Pais continued.

"This Christmas impress her.  Give her the gift that even Santa can't deliver."

<Background: ho-ho-ho-ing as the commercial fades out.>

I gasped!

"Did you hear that?" I asked Briefcase as he re-entered the room.

He hadn't.

"CBS thinks you should book a pap smear for me this year as my Christmas gift," I informed him.

I grinned and added, "It's the gift even Santa can't deliver."

Briefcase rolled his eyes.

A sudden vision of Santa poking between my legs came to my mind.  I shook my head violently trying to dispel it.

I'm sure Briefcase was contemplating my reaction if I woke up Christmas morning to find out my big! surprise! gift! under our Christmas tree was an appointment for a pap smear.

In my mind I can hear him saying on Christmas morning, "There's a pap smear in a box for you 24!  I even put a big red bow on your extra special pap smear!"

Then he would beam at me with a smile on his face and I would start stripping off his clothes right then to show my appreciation for his gift.

Do ya think?

Or maybe not?

Here's the PSA.  I knew you'd want to see it in it's entirety.  (It's short, I promise!)

Watch CBS Videos Online

If you're a man ... would this PSA convince you to book an appointment for an important woman in your life?  You might save her life.  Of course, by choosing a pap smear as her gift you might be risking yours!

© Twenty Four At Heart

Reminder: Secondhand Radio

Just a last minute reminder ....

I will be interviewed by Karl Erikson tonight at 7pm Pacific Time/10 pm EST on Secondhand Radio.  

Karl and I met in Chicago last summer and we really hit it off.  I hope you'll be able to tune in and join us for *about* an hour of fun conversation.  You are also welcome to call in to the show with questions or join us in the chat-room.

You can find out more about tonight by clicking here.

© Twenty Four At Heart

I'm Mentally Confused - I Think?

I am not normal.

I don't know why that is?

I've been home all week caring for my son who was diagnosed with H1N1.  He's sleeping a lot.  I think he's getting better.  He's on a lot of medications and drinking tons of fluids.

As you may remember, the doctor also felt I had caught H1N1 and put me on Tamiflu.  I didn't even feel very sick.  One of the possible side effects of Tamiflu is mental confusion.

Seriously.

Am I not mentally confused enough already?

I have been so scattered.  I can't seem to think in a straight line.  Thank goodness I've primarily just been at home playing nurse because I think I'm a danger to the world and myself right now.

Have you gotten a confusing email from me?  Have I responded to an email you sent me twice?  Or not at all?

I honestly don't know what the hell I'm doing right now.

Two days ago, I desperately needed a few things at the grocery store for my son.  It was raining.  There were no cars in the parking lot.  I parked right in front of the store.  I bought the needed groceries and then spent fifteen minutes looking for my car in the parking lot when I was done.  

Yes, I did walk right past my own car several times in the process.  

I know I'm blonde ... but, really?  

This is not like me.

I am an efficient, organized, woman.

I think.

Or I was?

That same day I was discussing music with a friend.  I couldn't remember the names of songs.  I couldn't remember which artists wrote which songs.  I'm a total music buff.  Finally, I decided to stop discussing music because clearly, I really know nothing at all.  

Except, I think I do.

Or, at least, I did prior to taking Tamiflu.

I won't even tell you about my attempts at cooking.  I *might* be forgetting things like turning the stove on ... or worse, turning the stove off.  

To put it mildly, I'm no longer trusting my own judgment on anything.  I have to take Tamiflu for three more days.  I don't know how long the drug will stay in my system after that.  At what point might my mental acuity return?

In the meantime, the other day it rained until afternoon.  Then the sun came out for awhile and the clouds cleared.  Not long after, the sun began to set.  I looked out our back window at "my" mountains.  They looked so beautiful and so vibrant in color.  

The mountains often look pink or red or purple as the sun sets.  This time they looked even more purple-ish.  I was amazed.  I took a photo.  Then I wondered if they really looked that purple, or maybe it was an illusion born out of my druggy confusion?

Aren't they beautiful?

© Twenty Four At Heart

Fighting the Swine

** Congratulations to Jack for winning the LUSH bath product contest!  Jack, please email me with your mailing address and I will get the products shipped out to you right away.  Thank you to everyone who participated.  **

My youngest son, PR, has been sick for at least ten days.  We took him to the doctor over a week ago and they said "it's just a cold-like virus, there's nothing you can do but wait it out."  He's in high school and can't afford to miss a lot of school.  He was home for two days and then went back to classes, football, and baseball practices.

He's coughed his way not so happily through the last week and a half.  Yes, that's right.  My kid has been one of the many people exposing everyone else to his germs.

Two days ago he came home from football and told me he really didn't feel well.  Then he jumped in the shower to erase the football mud and blood.  He came downstairs for dinner a few minutes later and just stared at his food.  If any of you have ever been around teenage boys, you know they never stare at food.  Teen boys inhale food at an alarming rate.  I felt PR's forehead.  He was burning up.  By that time it was 8:00 p.m.  A few minutes later we were headed to a Doc in the Box, better known to some of you as an Urgent Care Medical Facility.

My son, PR, tested positive for H1N1, more commonly known as Swine Flu.  This is our family's second brush with it.  My older son contracted it at his college about a month ago.  Fortunately, my older son was given Tamiflu in the first 24 hours and as a result, he had a relatively mild case.

We are waiting to hear if PR's H1N1 has progressed into pneumonia.  His cough is deep and the doc said his lungs "do not sound good."  They took a chest X-ray and we're waiting for the radiologist's report as I write this.

I know it does no good, but I'm more than a little pissed that PR was misdiagnosed in the first place.  When H1N1 is treated with Tamiflu in the first 48 hours, the illness is much less severe.  H1N1 is much more serious in the under 18 age group than it is for adults.  Now my son is very, very, ill and Tamiflu will do no good.  In addition, the illness very well might have progressed to pneumonia which is not only scary, but also can take months to recover from.

Wouldn't you think, given the media coverage of the H1N1 pandemic, the doctors would be immediately testing for it and not brushing people off with the "it's just a virus" statement?

I woke up yesterday with a sore throat and low grade fever.  Normally I wouldn't consider going to the doctor for such mild symptoms.  However, knowing I've been living with H1N1 germs for ten days now, I made an appointment to get checked.  This was a different doctor than either of the two my son saw.  This doctor said my throat is very inflamed and I "probably" am catching H1N1.  He didn't even order the H1N1 test.  He prescribed me Tamiflu and told me it's "very common" to feel dizzy and sick to your stomach as a side effect of taking Tamiflu.

Do I take it?  So far I only have a sore throat and fever.  Do I want to take medication for an illness I might not even have?  Especially knowing the medication will most likely make me feel sicker than I do now?

On the other hand, someone has to be healthy enough to take care of my son.  I've got a chicken staring at me from the fridge waiting to be made into chicken soup.  Well, it isn't literally staring at me because it no longer has eyes.  It's eyes are with it's head ... some place other than in my refrigerator.

Did I mention I'm really pissed about my son's misdiagnosis?

© Twenty Four At Heart

Surfing Dog Contest

Early Sunday morning I dragged Briefcase out of the house to go watch the Surf City Surf Dog contest held at Huntington Dog Beach.  My husband may not have been too enthused.  It's horrible being married to me.  If I weren't in his life, Briefcase would have slept away his weekend.  (I'm really a lot of fun.  I swear!) 

The money raised by the dog surfing contest goes to help charities.  What a great concept.  The dogs have a blast.  Their owners have a blast.  The money raised is given to charity.

I had just arrived and the competition had yet to begin when I met, and fell instantly in love with, George.  Briefcase didn't have a chance against George.  Even though he looked a little hungover, George won my heart over the moment we met.  (Please excuse the sand on his nose!)

George is a landseer Newfoundland.  Newfoundlands are often called gentle giants.  They have incredibly sweet dispositions.  George and his owners are from Canada.  When I first met George I thought he was at Dog Beach just to watch the other dogs surf.  Later, to my delight, I discovered George would be competing in the surf contest.  George had learned to surf just the previous day.  George loves the water and his owner, Colin, thought George would enjoy competing.

Before I tell you about the rest of the surfing dog contest, let me tell you a little bit about George.  George is a rescue dog.  George was abused for the first year of his life.  It's hard, and heartbreaking, to imagine anyone abusing a loving dog like him.  His current owner adopted him from a shelter about six months ago when George was only one year old.  George knew instantly he had found safety and love with Colin.  The love between the two of them is palpable.

There were a lot of spectators at the surf contest.  They watched their peers surf, and they kept themselves busy between heats also.

Here's a picture I took later in the day.  George is outfitted in his life jacket and he's headed out to compete.  Colin is leading him out to catch a wave.

George wasn't the best surfing dog of the day.  He's new to the sport.  Also, unlike the experienced surfing dogs, he did not have a custom made doggie surf board which lessens the likelihood of the dog falling off.  George loves to swim though.  He also loves to be on the surfboard, and even enjoys surfing.  What he doesn't like is being away from Colin.  When he sees himself surfing away from Colin he wants to jump off the surfboard and swim back to him.  Considering the abuse Colin saved him from, can you really blame George for wanting to stay close to him?

There was a lot of media coverage of the dog surfing contest.  This camera man very matter of factly asked this dog if he thought his chances were good for a win.  I didn't hear the dog answer, but his posture seems to indicate he felt confident.

The dogs competed in surfing heats.  The smallest dogs competed first, followed by medium sized dogs and then large dogs.  There were some pro-surfer dogs competing too.

The judges made lots of notes.  Dogs got more points if they surfed alone and their owners were not on the board with them.  If a dog was tied to the surfboard they received less points.  If a dog rode a wave all the way into shore they got a lot of points.  If they stood while doing so, instead of sitting or laying down, they got even more points.  Besides the length of a ride, dogs were also scored on their confidence while surfing and the size of the waves they rode.

Here are a few shots of the dogs surfing.  The first is a bulldog named Dover.  Bulldogs seemed to do very well surfing.  There were several of them competing.  They are heavy and low to the ground which helps a lot with balance.

This next photo is of an Australian Kelpie.  Her name is Abbie.  Abbie is a very good surfer.

This next photo is fuzzy (my apologies!) but I thought you'd want to see it anyway.  It's a dog that loves to surf to shore facing backwards.  I think she got extra points for "trick" surfing.

Here's a golden retriever surfing too:

There were a lot of great surfing dogs throughout the day.  By far, though, George was my favorite.  He couldn't wait to get out in the surf even if he's a novice to the sport.  Here's a picture of George sizing up the competition.

When the day was over, George looked a little exhausted.  He had a blast, but several hours at the beach will wipe out anyone.

To be honest, I was pretty tired by the end of the day myself.

© Twenty Four At Heart

What Scandal?

Do any of us really care who David Letterman has sex with?

I don't.

You can argue that men in power should not have sex with their employees.  You may also contend a married man should not have sex with a person other than their spouse.

I agree with both of those statements.  I do.

Really though, who gives a shit?

He's just another famous person who had affairs.  The topic bores me.

I did wonder, however, who in the world would want to sleep with David Letterman?  An acquaintance on Twitter told me she finds him very sexy in a nerdy sort of way.  I also know there are women who are attracted to money, or attracted to fame, or attracted to power.  (I'm not one of them.)  David Letterman has money, fame and power.  

I, personally, don't find him the least bit attractive.  I know some women do.  David (I'm sure he doesn't mind me calling him by his first name) is just not my type.

It got me to thinking who I would want to have sex with if my only choices were late night TV hosts.  Here are the choices I came up with:

First choice is David Letterman:

Second choice is Conan O'Brien.  He's the one on the right in the picture below:

Third choice is Jimmy Fallon:

Last, but not least is Jay Leno:

Personally, I'd pick the chimp.

I realize different people are attracted to completely different people/types/personalities.  If you had to spend a night having crazy, hot, sex with one of these men - who would you pick?  If you're a heterosexual man, I want to hear your answer too!

© Twenty Four At Heart

Jane Devin

I have an interesting story to share with you today. 

I've met a lot of people both "in real life" and "virtually" through my writing this last year.  One of the people I've met is a writer named Jane Devin.  Jane lives in Minnesota.  We will be meeting in person in the next few months, but up to this point our acquaintance has been entirely online.

A friend mentioned what a brilliant writer Jane is.  I decided to check out her writing myself.  I was blown away.  She is so much more eloquent than I am.  Her writing is so articulate and thought provoking.  I was very impressed.  I decided I wanted to get to know her better.

I began pestering Jane with comments and emails and tweets.  I can be annoying when I want someone's attention.  Jane responded graciously and before I knew it a friendship was born. 

"You're an amazing writer," I tell her frequently.

"Your sense of humor makes me laugh all the time -  you crack me up," she tells me.

It's become a mutual admiration society of two.

By the way, Jane doesn't like exclamation points.  As a result, I make sure to use a lot of them whenever I correspond with her.  

I'm an excitable type of personality!!

Recently Jane has decided to embark on an amazing adventure.  I'm so excited for her and a tad bit jealous at the same time.  I asked her if I could share her story here on 24 and she was kind enough to agree.  Yesterday, as I lay on the couch having a "my arm hurts like hell" pity party Jane and I spent an hour gabbing on the phone.  I wanted to make sure I had all the details straight before I shared her story with you.

Jane is 47 years old.  She is brilliant.  She dropped out of school when she was 14.  She was raised by a mentally ill mother and left home at the age of 16.  She took her GED at 17 and later put herself through three years of college.  She is a self made woman.

Jane is a single mom of two adult kids.  Last year Jane had a string of bad luck.  Like many people, Jane lost her job and with it her health benefits.  Shortly after the loss of medical benefits she became very, very ill.  At one point she wondered if she was going to live through her illness.  

Jane traded in her new, shiny, leased car for a 1986 old Bronco to help with expenses.  It was a very humbling experience.  She began interviewing for jobs.  She contemplated the fact that her twelve years of living in Minnesota had not been a great fit.  

Jane took stock of her life.  She thought about all the things she had put on hold over the years as she worked to raise her kids.  She thought about the fact that there really wasn't a thing holding her to the life she's had in Minnesota the last twelve years.  She realized that her recent misfortune could, in fact, be an amazing opportunity.  Jane was having a "now or never" moment.  

On October 10th Jane is embarking on a one year cross country photo-journalism trip.  She will be traveling and working across the US as she interviews people with interesting lives.  She will blog daily to share their stories and tell us about her adventures at One Writer, No Address.  If Jane acquires enough interesting stories she will eventually be putting all of her stories together into a book.

Let me reiterate two important points.  Jane has been out of work for some time now.  Jane has no health insurance.  

Jane is one brave bitch, don't ya think?

How is she going to pull this off?

She tells me she is going to plan each segment of her trip in thirty day intervals.  This is what she has lined up so far:  First, she will be traveling to Iowa where she will be interviewing some nurses about the state of health care as they see it.  Next, she will be traveling to New Mexico.  In New Mexico she will be staying with, and working for, a woman who owns a bed and breakfast.  This will allow her to earn some money for her trip and interview people at the same time.

Arizona will come next.  Jane has already made arrangements to interview the principal of an elementary school with a demographic primarily of immigrant children.  From there she will be going to interview some "healers" in Sedona.  After Arizona, Jane will travel to San Diego where she will be interviewing Jonestown survivors.

And guess where Jane will visit after that?

Yep, that's right.  Orange County.  I've promised Jane a tour of Money Town and I'm hoping to even line up a few Rich-Bitch interviews for her. She can't wait to drive into Money Town with her 1986 Bronco.  The very idea of it makes her belly-laugh with glee.

After visiting with me, Jane will head up to L.A. and continue on with her journey.

I am fascinated with the entire concept of Jane's adventure.  I asked her about the logistics of pulling off this type of trip.  She admits she can use help in various forms.  On her website she lists the following ways people can help if they so choose:

*If you’d be willing to host me as a guest for a day or two, please let me know.

*Likewise please let me know if you can provide a temporary job while I’m in your city. I can do almost anything from barns to offices.

*I am always looking for interesting people to interview!

*If you know of any businesses or corporations that might want to sponsor part of this trip, please contact me.

*Gift card donations for Verizon, gas, food, and coffee would be appreciated. I am also in need of camping equipment and a digital camcorder. Until October 1, donations can be sent to: 110201 Village Rd., Chaska, MN 55318

Jane also has a Paypal link on the side of her website.  If you're interested you can go here to donate.

Good luck Jane!  I will be following your adventures on your blog.  I also can't wait to show you around Money Town!

© Twenty Four At Heart

Miscellaneous Moments & BTW The Torturer's Back

It seems like I have so many things to share with you, but many of them aren't worth an entire blog post of their own.  I thought I'd catch you up on some random news and thoughts.

1.  Time magazine did not list Twenty Four At Heart as one of the top 50 websites in the world.  Instead, they picked sites like Google, Amazon, Twitter and Netflix.  Those Time people have no sense of humor whatsoever.  I'm sure they'll realize their mistake in time for next year's selections.

2.  I was filling out high school registration paperwork for my son yesterday.  School starts here in about two weeks.  The registration form asked, "Does your child have a probation officer?"  He is fourteen.  Fourteen!  (I answered: not this week!)

3.  I danced in a cemetery, in a dress, before the taping of the Dr. Phil show.  I didn't tell you this before because I'm sure it's disrespectful and maybe you're offended by dancing in cemeteries.  I got carried away with all the pretty grass and flowers.  I want you to know, if I was buried there I'd smile if someone showed up feeling joyful and wanting to dance.  It would make me smile even when I was already dead.  It would probably even be the highlight of my deadness.

4.  I get PR offers from companies all the time.  I don't think you come here to hear me talk about products so I ignore them.  Yesterday I was contacted by a company offering me a free 3 month supply of a diet product.  They "hope" I'll choose to talk about it here with you after trying it.  I should have been insulted, but I was too busy eating my lunch when the email came.

5.  I'm debating taking the diet company up on the offer just for the potential jokes their product would offer.  Shhhh!  Don't tell them.

6.  I tweeted that I was mildly insulted by the diet product company.  I posted pictures of myself two days ago and then BAM! I heard from a diet company.  Another blogger responded and told me she was offered a product for balding women.  She made me feel much better.

7.  My post yesterday about One True Love generated a ton of Twitter responses/comments and emails.  If you have a minute, read yesterday's comments.  The honesty and raw emotion in the responses floored me.  I'm always so touched when people are willing to open up and share with me.

8.  I mailed my son his first college care package.  He forgot his flip flops here and called asking if I could mail them back.  You can take the kid out of California, but you can't take the California out of the kid.

9.  I saw my shoulder surgeon for the first time since summer began this week.  He told me my breasts are "very perky."  Does that seem odd to anyone?  Granted, he is the one who insisted I have breast reduction surgery to aid in regaining use of my arm.  And yet ....

10.  I didn't inform him I now have bionic nipples too.  

11.  The doc was not impressed with the fact I've taken most of the summer off PT.  Not at all.  I've been sentenced ordered scheduled to return immediately.  He is 100% convinced it will improve my arm function somewhat from its current uselessness.  I begin today.  FML.  (For those of you unfamiliar with FML it means Fuck My Life.)

12.  I left the doc's office and literally ran into The Torturer.  You know, that stubborn man who thinks he's my physical therapist.  Yes - I ran into him.  As in my body crashed into his.  I think he planned the whole damn encounter with my doctor.  They conspire together.  It's infuriating.  I know you love him.  I know you miss Torturer stories.  I hear about it from readers all the time.

13.  He hugged me.  Yes, The Evil Torturer hugged me and told me I have appointments booked with him even though I cancelled them all.  He said I need to get over being pissed off at him.  "Get over it."  That's what he said, very matter of factly.  I like being pissed off at him.  It gives me an outlet for my arm frustrations.  I enjoy having the outlet.  How dare he ruin it with hugs and niceness and blah, blah, blah caring about me crap.  What an exasperating asshole man.

© Twenty Four At Heart

Girl Time in Charlotte, NC

I'm back in Orange County.  I'm trying to get caught up from nearly a month of traveling.  It's been hectic.  I've been in four different time zones in the last four weeks.  My body doesn't know what the hell I'm doing.  

Last Friday morning I said good-bye to my son, RC, as I left him at his dorm.  I cried.  I know he'll be fine.  It's just a mom thing.  It's not easy to take care of a child for 18 years and then drop him off 3,000 miles away.  I then drove Briefcase to the airport and saw him off to California.  I drove down to Charlotte from there.

The entire reason I went to Charlotte was to meet up with a few of my readers who have become online friends.  The nicest people in the world stop by here for a few minutes each day.  Many of them take the time to leave comments or send me emails while they're at it.  In the dinosaur days these people would have been called pen pals.  I like to call them friends.  

Each of these ladies traveled a minimum of two hours to our central meeting spot.  Not only that ... they showed up bearing gifts.  Such nice people!

[L to R: Angela (from NC), me, Renee (from NC), Linda (from South Carolina), Di (from Virginia)]

I'd like to inject here my theory that southern accents are contagious.  If I were around these ladies for more than a few days I'd probably have a southern accent for life.

We met at a restaurant called Roosters.  Obviously, I'd never been there before.  It had been highly recommended.  Maybe it's a great place to go for entrees, but their happy hour (appetizer) menu left a lot to be desired.  Who would have thought a place called Rooster's would be putting on airs trying to be fancy?

Five very hungry women ... and this is what we got.  I really was just hoping for a burger.  Wouldn't you think they'd at least offer chicken sandwiches in a place called Roosters?  We tried a couple other things too.  For the most part?  Bleh!

Despite the food, which left a lot to be desired, I think everyone had a good time.  I know I did.  

One of the greatest moments for me, was getting my hands on a couple of huge cocks.

Instead of huge should I say well endowed?

The meet-up gave me an opportunity to get to know all of these great women a little bit better.  It gave them the opportunity to meet the "real" me and ask any questions they wanted to.  

In response to one question, I tried to explain I just have the oddest luck.

"I don't really walk around like this," I said as I pulled the front of my top down to expose my bra and breasts.

At that very moment, Fernando, our waiter, came around the corner and found himself face to face with my exposed chest.  The ladies erupted in laughter as I turned the deepest shade of red.  Fernando became an instant friend.

(That's how it works.  If I show you my breasts, accidentally or not, you have to be my friend!)

The next day (Saturday) a few of us spent the morning at the, very nice, South Park Mall.  I went to my first Dillards and later had exactly one sip of Sweet Tea.  I liked Dillards a lot more than I liked Sweet Tea ... which is really, really, sweet!

I flew home Saturday night.  My youngest son, PR, surprised me and accompanied Briefcase up to LAX to pick me up.  My daughter surprised me by being home from her college when I arrived back to our house.  I think they were both worried about me being sad after the North Carolina drop off.  It made me feel very loved.

I got home just in time.  Briefcase's birthday was on Sunday.  He might have had some highly acrobatic husbandly expectations for his birthday.  There's never a moment to slow down and rest, is there?

© Twenty Four At Heart

North Carolina & Dr. Phil Because I'm Random Like That

** I will be in Charlotte, North Carolina this Friday, August 21st.  Anyone in the area is invited to join me for Happy Hour at Roosters in the South Park area.  I will be arriving there around 4:30 in the afternoon and I may not leave until closing.  **

I spent all day yesterday traveling from California to North Carolina to get my son settled for his first year of college.  On the plane I looked over at him sitting next to me.  I stared at his profile and thought back to when he was a baby, a toddler ... a young boy.  Then I turned and looked out the window and stared at the clouds and forced myself to think about other things (like the fact I need new tires for my car) so I wouldn't cry on the plane.

It didn't really work.

It's not easy letting go.

I've never been to North Carolina before but my son has been here before. 

We have some long time friends who live in the city of Greensboro.  They are the nicest people you can imagine.  They were kind enough to open their home to us last night when we arrived.

After a long day of traveling, it was great to have their company and some real (vs. airport) food.  I haven't seen much here yet.  Lots of greenery as we landed was followed by lots of greenery on the way to our friend's house for dinner.  By the time we left their house it was dark.

I can't get over how many trees are here.  They're beautiful.  Here are just a few in our friend's backyard.

American Airlines managed to lose my son's luggage with the stuff he's supposed to be moving into his dorm today.  We're hoping they locate it soon.  This did not make me happy - at all.  

Asshats!

I don't have much else to share with you today.  I'm simply too exhausted.  I've tallied it up and realized I've only gotten five hours sleep in the last 48 hours.  I'm running on empty.  

Am I even making sense?

Oh wait ....

Several of you asked about the Dr. Phil show.  I was present for the taping of two episodes.  In one episode I just sat in the audience hanging out.  La-dee-da for me!  I will probably appear in some of those shots where they scan the audience with the cameras.

The other episode is the one most of you have inquired about.  Yes, it was the show Heather Armstrong will be appearing on.  It will air sometime in September.  And yes, I did have the opportunity to meet her (and her husband and her new baby) after the show.  I don't have any pictures to share because we weren't allowed to bring cameras or phones into the studio.  The topic of the show was working vs. stay at home moms.  You can read more about the Dr. Phil taping by clicking here.)

I will most likely appear on TV for a few fleeting moments once the episode airs.  I'm hoping I get edited out because when all the cameras came out of nowhere and focused on me I almost peed my pants.  I don't even remember what I said, but I'm sure it made no sense.  Also, I'm sure you'll be surprised to hear that after the cameras were off, I *might* have realized my dress was showing off way too much cleavage while they were filming.

I know that comes as a huge surprise to all of you.

© Twenty Four At Heart

Snippets

I've been hesitant to write too much about my trip to Chicago because I don't want to bore you to tears.  In addition, I remember last year when I had just begun blogging and everywhere I turned on the Internet (for weeks) was Blah, Blah, BlogHer Conference.  It got old.  At the same time, several of you have emailed or tweeted with questions.  I decided I'll use today to answer some of those random questions and give you a few snippets about the conference and then tomorrow I'll move on.

Were there many hot men to hang out with?

There were a few. 

(I just noticed my cleavage in that picture.  How did that happen?  See what I mean?  It always sneaks out on it's own!)

Why is your hair so blonde?

I had it lightened to show off the pink streaks.  Next time I get it cut I'll have them put dark in it to return it to my natural shade of blonde.

Did you have fun at BlogHer?

Yes, but it was exhausting.

Would you go again?

I am going again.  I already have my ticket to attend next year on August 6th and 7th in New York City.

What did it feel like to meet people in person who you've known online for a long time?

[Photo by Amy Windsor]

It felt great!  A lot of squealing went on when a lovely lady said, "Hey Twenty Four I'm Vodka Mom!"

Are you and Undomestic Diva really related?

Yes, she's my niece and she's adorable.  We did tequila shots one night.  I think.  It's all a little fuzzy.  Oh - and breakfast/coffee at Starbucks together one morning.

Did you actually learn anything while you were there?

[Photo by Carla Duharte-Razura]

Yes, yes I did.

Were the parties as fun and crazy as everyone says they are?

I'll be honest.  I'm not really a party person.  I'd rather be with a small group of friends than at a large, crowded, party any day.  The BlogHer parties were large and VERY crowded and also very loud.  Conversation was next to impossible.  I went to most of them.  I made the rounds.  

[I wonder who that is under the burger bag hat?]

After short visits to the parties I frequently left with a couple friends to sit and chat over a glass of wine.  It's just who I am.  I'm introverted.  I'm shy.  I liked being out on the walkway by the river.  At night the city lights up and the lights are reflected in the water.  It's beautiful.  It's even better with a few friends and some great conversation.

Did you get a lot of free stuff (swag) from corporate sponsors?

Yes.  I gave most of mine away.  It wasn't important to me, but I do appreciate the fact that companies are acknowledging the growing Internet audience.

Was there a lot of drama going on with all those women together in one spot?

I've heard there was drama going on, but I steered clear.  Life is what you make it and I chose to have a drama-free trip to Chicago.

Did you flash your boobs while you were there?

No, not even once.  I did take a clothed boob photo with Mr.Lady.  The two of us did a prolonged chest bump.  I think she liked it!  (I know I did.)

If you had to pick your favorite moment of the entire conference, what would it be?

Visiting with friends on Sunday evening, my last night there.  At that point almost everyone had left and gone home.  Four of us just relaxed and talked for hours.  It was the perfect ending to a hectic few days.

© Twenty Four At Heart

Chicago

I'm writing this in the lobby of the Sheraton in Chicago.  I'm sitting by a window looking out at the river.  

I took a long walk along the river earlier today.  Now I'm enjoying being back in the air conditioning and watching the boats go by as I write.

I'll be flying back to Orange County today.  I've had an interesting and very exhausting few days here.  I love the city of Chicago.  It's so beautiful even though I don't really consider myself a "city person."  

I wish I'd had more time for sight seeing but my every second has been booked while I've been here.  

The biggest highlight of my trip has been the opportunity to meet, in person, some of the people I've communicated with online for the last year.  As a reader, you can roam the blogosphere and see endless pictures of what went on at BlogHer09 over these last few days.  On other websites you will see photo after photo of bloggers partying.  

[Photo taken at the infamous Cheezburgherz party.]

You will also read people's lists of which well known writer(s) they had an opportunity to meet.

For me, it was the little moments that were more important.  

When I walked into the conference hall with 1,400 writers and saw the Twenty Four At Heart blog header highlighted on the two monster projection screens I nearly peed in excitement.  They even had a quote from me to go with it.  (A quote I have no memory of ever giving, but who the hell cares?)  Thrilling me even more, they used the same screen shot repeatedly on other days of the conference.

Why did that give me such a thrill?  I don't know, but it did!  Every time I saw it I wanted to squeal and jump up and down with joy.

It was nice to meet several Mr./Mrs. Famous Internet Writers.  However, sitting down for a few minutes one on one with Jane, the woman who was the first person ever to take the time to communicate with me in the blogosphere, meant far more.  When she asked me if I had my Spanx on and how my bionic nipples were doing it made my day.

Realizing one of my favorite people in the blogosphere, Neil Kramer, is someone I love in person was another highlight.  Yes, there were people I've been impressed with online who were just kind of meh to meet in person.  To realize an online connection has now become a friend in real life was just a good thing.

I'm even *thinking* about forgiving him for embarrassing me in front of the entire writing session he led on storytelling.  

Please note - I did not embarrass myself at the session, Neil did it for me.  It's a very important and distinctive point to be made.  (Right, Neil?)  

I'd love to tell you about the embarrassment Neil caused and the many shades of red I turned, but I think I'm all out of writing time for today.  I guess, like many stories from my weekend, I'll have to save that one for another day.

© Twenty Four At Heart

I am a Lover of Books

Before I go all bookish on you today, I have to comment on how much I appreciate all the feedback yesterday.  Infidelity, relationship issues, trust between friends ... they're all volatile topics.  Readers had very strong feelings about yesterday's topic and those feelings came out in your comments and emails.  If you didn't have a chance to read the comments yesterday, you might enjoy doing so today.  Some of them were very enlightening.  Some of them were very angry.  Some of them made me laugh.  Some of them also educated me on activities which take place at bachelor's parties.

<blush>

The cover story of Time this week is, ironically, titled Unfaithfully Yours.  Infidelity is an important topic and I'll come back to it again soon.  For today, I'm going to move on to a lighter, happier, subject.

I love books.  

I love my Kindle (electronic reader).  

My regular readers already know about my love for the written word.  Periodically I've asked you to submit lists of favorite books and bribed you to do so with prizes.  It's something I love to do because I always come away with a lot of new ideas for good reads.  I've found some wonderful books from suggestions left by readers.  It's a win-win! 

I like all sorts of books depending on the mood I'm in.  A few of my favorites over the last few years are Water For Elephants by Sara Gruen, Pillars of the Earth (and the sequel World Without End) by Ken Follett, The Wednesday Sisters by Meg Waite Clayton, and Pretty in Plaid by my fellow blogger Jen Lancaster.  

Oh, and if you want total raunchy romance (explicit) one of my readers recommended the Nauti series by Lora Leigh.  I've only read one book from the series but I'm still fanning myself off.  It's steamy stuff and not for the easily offended.  Of course, if you were easily offended you wouldn't be here visiting me, would you?

All of that being said, I'm doing it again.  I have to be on planes a lot over the next month and a half.  When I'm on planes, or sitting in airports, I consume books at an amazing rate.

I'm offering up a $30 Amazon gift card to one reader today.  

All you have to do to enter is leave a comment giving me the title of a book you've enjoyed.

I'd love to hear of good books you've read this summer, but the title of any book you've appreciated will do.  It can be fiction, nonfiction ... it can even be a cookbook.  

Each comment is worth one entry.  

You may enter as many times as you wish.  If you have five books to recommend, leaving five separate comments will get you five entries but listing them all in one comment only gets you one entry.

I will use a random number generator to pick one person from my comment section as the winner.

Comments must be left prior to 11:00 p.m. Pacific time tonight to be eligible.  I will announce the contest winner tomorrow.  

Good luck and thank you in advance for some great book suggestions!

© Twenty Four At Heart

Save Me From What? It's a Contest!

I wonder how many people I will offend today.  I'm guessing at least a few hundred.

--------------------

Before I start offending people, I'd like to go public with a couple things.  First of all, I'm hopelessly behind on email right now and if you are waiting to hear from me, I apologize.  Second, thank all of you so much for your responses and concern about Mocha.  I couldn't believe the outpouring of love for our lab.  I have the kindest readers in the world.  Third, I will be available for meet and greets on a few occasions this summer.  Right now I know the following dates:

July 23 - 27  Chicago (BlogHer convention)

August 21 - 22 Charlotte, NC

**  More dates and cities to follow  **

If you live near where I will be, when I will be there, I'd love to meet you in person.  Just send me an email letting me know you're interested and I'll get details out to you.  I'll republish the dates periodically as they grow closer.

--------------------

Okay, now I'll carry on offending people.

For quite some time I've been getting emails from a very Right Wing Organization (RWO) based out of Texas.  I don't know how they found me, but my guess is they were wandering the Internet searching for sinners.  They found me, and I openly admit to being a sinner so, fair enough.  

At first, I'd get about one email a month telling me in quite forceful terms they could save me.  Lately, they've upped the email frequency to daily.

Initially, the emails amused me.  Lately, they've become downright annoying.

I realize by writing on the Internet I put myself out there for criticism and judgment.  

Fine.  

But!  

And it's a big but.

(Not as big as my butt maybe, but a big but nonetheless!)

I write Twenty Four At Heart because it entertains me to do so.  Hopefully most of you come here to read because it entertains you also.

Some of you may even feel you've come to "know" me by reading 24.  And it's true, you do get a glimpse of me here in my writing.  You see the parts of me, or my life, I choose to reveal in the fashion I choose to reveal them.

Yesterday I had lunch with one of my readers.  She lives in Money Town, heard about 24 and began reading on a daily basis.  After awhile she began exchanging emails with me.  We realized we have some mutual friends.  We now get together on a fairly regular basis for coffee or lunch.  

At lunch, she commented on how quiet I am and how "normal" and calm I am.  I suppose my writing gives the impression I might show up topless if you invite me to meet you for lunch.  I want to go on record as saying, I have never once shown up topless in public.

Not intentionally, anyway.

(Well, not counting the tanning salon, but that wasn't my fault.)

I'm such a disappointment.

The point I'm making is there is an awful lot about me that isn't anywhere to be found in cyberspace.

So when I get an email from RWO adamant about "saving" me day after day it begins to really annoy me.

How do they know I'm not saved?

Do they know anything whatsoever about my religious beliefs?

What are they trying to save me from?

Are they trying to save me from the chronic pain I live with?

Are they trying to save me from Roid or The Torturer?

Are they trying to save my boobs from getting cut off by a plastic surgeon?

Are they trying to save me from mooning the train?

Are they trying to save me from my leaking dog?  (By the way, the vet believes she has a kidney stone but she has stopped leaking!)

Maybe they're trying to save me from checking out the repairman's drill?

Maybe they're trying to save my clit, which I lost temporarily last March?

Maybe they think it's wrong for me to have a cuter cooter?

Do they really know anything about me?  Did I ask for their help? 

The answer is no, no, no!  And oh, how I hate judgmental people.

That being said, I'm asking for your help.  I know a lot of you are real smart asses, right?  Give me ideas for some funny or rude replies I can send to RWO next time I hear from them.  One idea per comment.  I will pick the funniest or rudest reply (yes, it's subjective) and the one winner will get:

This cool Starbucks Orange County coffee mug AND a $20 gift card to Starbucks.  I have one of these coffee mugs and I use it every morning.  It's big, it feels great in my hand and it has become my very favorite!  The mug has a cool surfing dude on the front.  The back of the mug looks like this:

The contest ends this Sunday evening, May 31st, at 8 p.m., Pacific Time.  One entry per comment.  The winner will be announced on Monday.  

Have fun!

© Twenty Four At Heart

Aaaand It's a Repeat

Last Friday afternoon PR began playing in a Memorial Day baseball tournament.  The way the tournaments work, the more games a team wins the longer they play.  I'm writing this at 10 p.m. on Monday night.  I just got home from the championship game.  I feel like I've been at the baseball fields for ten days straight.  In reality, I was only there since Friday and I did take a break to see Fleetwood Mac perform Saturday night.

My brain is so fried on baseball I can barely think straight.

Oh, and PR's team won the championship game.  (In fact, as I write this he's with Briefcase at a post-game celebration party.  I couldn't handle one more minute of baseball anything.)

I should be happier about the tournament win than I am.  It isn't that I'm not happy for the boys because, of course, I am.  It's just that I've raised two baseball obsessed boys and between the two of them I've sat through way more tournaments than I can even remember.  Honestly?  There isn't room for one more trophy in PR's room and now we have one more trophy.  

Sigh ....

In any case, I'm suffering such a bad case of baseball-burnout that I'm reprinting a post today for the first time ever.  I just don't have it in me to write anything original right now.  Some of you may have read this before, but since it's my most viewed post ever I suppose it merits repeating.  When I first wrote it, I had no idea it would amuse so many people worldwide.  This post initially published in July of last year.

Mooning the Train

A lot of people think California is "the land of fruits and nuts".  Sure, we have our share of unique individuals just like any place else.  Being a 5th generation native to California, I have noticed that the majority of "extreme" individuals here are not from California at all, but have moved here from ... I don't know, someplace nice and calm like Idaho or Wisconsin.  They just go crazy once they get here.  They're not used to all that sunshine or something.

That being said, we do know how to have our own brand of fun here.  Recently one of my girlfriends decided to celebrate her birthday by joining in on the 29th annual "Amtrak Mooning" day.  Eight thousand (yes, you read that right ... 8,000) people showed up to moon the passing Amtrak trains.  Some of them might have been drinking?

This event started 29 years ago when a patron of the Mugs Away Saloon in Laguna Niguel challenged a few buddies to go moon a passing train.  In exchange he promised to buy them a drink.  It is an unsponsored event, no one is making money off Moon Day except perhaps local businesses from the thirsty/hungry crowds. 

Forget trying to find parking anywhere within miles of this "event"!  This year mooning began at 7:30 in the morning.  Mooners came expecting to moon approximately 40 train passings by the end of that same evening.  Unfortunately, this year the police made everyone disperse around 3:30 in the afternoon. 

This is the first time in the history of the event that the police have had to break up the event early.  It was a disappointment for those who planned to stay for "night mooning" which begins at dark.  For night mooning, please bring your own flashlight or lantern to light up your ass. 

The police broke the event up early because apparently some women started flashing their boobs to the train this year.  Mooning is okay, but tit-flashing isn't.  In addition, a couple guys decided they might as well go completely naked instead of just pulling their pants up and down over and over again everytime a train went by.  Full nudity and tit exposure is not acceptable at a mooning event. 

The police also said there were a lot of drunk people there.  Really?  

Mooning, in itself, is not enough for everyone.  Some people decorate their butts.  Oh yes they do!  On the mooning website the question is asked, "I am overweight, in fact very obese, is it O.K. for me to moon?"  The answer is, "Yes, yes, please 'moon' with us.  We need people like you for the extra high intensity mooning you can provide."  I'm going to repeat that for you, "extra high intensity mooning".  Someone put a lot of thought into that sentence.  

The event also carries a disclaimer which says, in part, "Attending this event may be hazardous due to the high concentration of silly people."  It also states that if you fall and get hurt, "There is no one to sue," and that "the city and railroad would rather you did not bother to come to this event."   The disclaimer also states that there is no insurance covering the event because who would insure an event called "Mooning Amtrak"?   

Not only were there 8,000 folks mooning this year, the normally half-empty trains were packed full for this event.  What's more fun, drinking nonstop on a train while watching people moon you?  Or being a mooner?

The police said the very happy crowd dispersed peacefully when asked to this year.  Next year Mooning Amtrak will be held on July 11th.  Mark your calendars!

© Twenty Four At Heart

A lot of people think California is "the land of fruits and nuts".  Sure, we have our share of unique individuals just like any place else.  Being a 5th generation native to California, I have noticed that the majority of "extreme" individuals here are not from California at all, but have moved here from ... I don't know, someplace nice and calm like Idaho or Wisconsin.  They just go crazy once they get here.  They're not used to all that sunshine or something.

That being said, we do know how to have our own brand of fun here.  Recently one of my girlfriends decided to celebrate her birthday by joining in on the 29th annual "Amtrak Mooning" day.  Eight thousand (yes, you read that right ... 8,000) people showed up to moon the passing Amtrak trains.  Some of them might have been drinking?

This event started 29 years ago when a patron of the Mugs Away Saloon in Laguna Niguel challenged a few buddies to go moon a passing train.  In exchange he promised to buy them a drink.  It is an unsponsored event, no one is making money off Moon Day except perhaps local businesses from the thirsty/hungry crowds. 

Forget trying to find parking anywhere within miles of this "event"!  This year mooning began at 7:30 in the morning.  Mooners came expecting to moon approximately 40 train passings by the end of that same evening.  Unfortunately, this year the police made everyone disperse around 3:30 in the afternoon. 

This is the first time in the history of the event that the police have had to break up the event early.  It was a disappointment for those who planned to stay for "night mooning" which begins at dark.  For night mooning, please bring your own flashlight or lantern to light up your ass. 

The police broke the event up early because apparently some women started flashing their boobs to the train this year.  Mooning is okay, but tit-flashing isn't.  In addition, a couple guys decided they might as well go completely naked instead of just pulling their pants up and down over and over again everytime a train went by.  Full nudity and tit exposure is not acceptable at a mooning event. 

The police also said there were a lot of drunk people there.  Really?  

Mooning, in itself, is not enough for everyone.  Some people decorate their butts.  Oh yes they do!  On the mooning website the question is asked, "I am overweight, in fact very obese, is it O.K. for me to moon?"  The answer is, "Yes, yes, please 'moon' with us.  We need people like you for the extra high intensity mooning you can provide."  I'm going to repeat that for you, "extra high intensity mooning".  Someone put a lot of thought into that sentence.  

The event also carries a disclaimer which says, in part, "Attending this event may be hazardous due to the high concentration of silly people."  It also states that if you fall and get hurt, "There is no one to sue," and that "the city and railroad would rather you did not bother to come to this event."   The disclaimer also states that there is no insurance covering the event because who would insure an event called "Mooning Amtrak"?   

Not only were there 8,000 folks mooning this year, the normally half-empty trains were packed full for this event.  What's more fun, drinking nonstop on a train while watching people moon you?  Or being a mooner?

The police said the very happy crowd dispersed peacefully when asked to this year.  Next year Mooning Amtrak will be held on July 11th.  Mark your calendars!

© Twenty Four At Heart

Fleetwood Mac - Live!

Awhile back Briefcase surprised me by announcing he'd bought tickets to see Fleetwood Mac in concert over Memorial Day weekend.

Do all of you remember Fleetwood Mac?  They used to look like this:

And then they looked like this:

On Saturday evening Briefcase and I made our way to the Honda Center (formerly the Arrowhead Pond) in Anaheim to see Fleetwood Mac.

 

We were really close to the stage.  Our seats were in row 19 on the floor, center stage.  The crowd was an interesting mix of young and old.  I admit I laughed out loud when I saw a man, probably about 65 years old, walk in with an earring hanging from his ear.  He only had a patch of hair left on his balding head, but he wore that patch in a long ponytail.  I don't think anyone has told him the 60's are over.

Seated next to us were two couples in their early twenties.  The crowd was an ecletic mix.

A row or two in front of us was a woman who came dressed as Stevie Nicks.

It apparently was a huge turn-on for her partner.  I don't think I want to know what THAT was all about.

The real Stevie Nicks now looks like this:

Sorry for the grainy photos but it was very dark and all I had with me was a point and shoot.  Nonetheless, she's in her early sixties and looks fantastic.  Her voice still has the same haunting quality of earlier years.

Mick Fleetwood on drums was amazing too.  The highlight, though, was watching Lindsey Buckingham.  The man is unbelievable.

I could not believe the dexterity he showed on guitar.  His vocals were great and his energy level would make any 18 year old jealous.  Stevie Nicks has always been my favorite in the group, but Lindsey Buckingham is the one who shined the most Saturday night.  He made a good concert into a great one.

© Twenty Four At Heart

My Tinderbox, My Home

Before I get too deep into today's post I want to share some exciting news with you.  Last week I was contacted by Amazon.  By Saturday of last week, they began publishing Twenty Four At Heart to their Kindle readers.  If you have a Kindle, or if you have a friend or family member who might be interested in subscribing to Twenty Four At Heart by Kindle you (or they) can go here to do so.  This also seems to be a very appropriate time to thank each and every one of you who take the time to come here and visit.  There are no words to express how much I appreciate you.  Smooches!

Yesterday The Torturer let me out of PT a little early.  I came home and before I'd even left my garage I knew there was a problem.  I could hear a helicopter and it was close.  It was very loud ... and a loud helicopter near my house means only one thing.  

Fire.

My backyard ends with a slope down to this lake.  The lake is surrounded by dry brush this time of the year.  I live in a canyon and the canyon is a tinderbox ready to ignite.

Yesterday it ignited, but fortunately the fire was deemed as a "spot fire" and within a couple hours the fire was "under control" although not extinguished.  At no time was the fire close enough to threaten my home.

The Orange County Fire Authority helicopters fill their water tanks directly from the lake when there are fires nearby.  Unfortunately, living where I do means I see these helicopters at least once a year, and during many years even more frequently.

The helicopters always approach from the north.

The helicopters used to have huge buckets hanging from them that they would fill.  Now they have water tanks on board and fill them instead.

It only takes a couple minutes to fill the water tanks.

Then they are back in the air and headed towards their destination to drop the water.

  

Yesterday was unusual.  The fire department was using multiple helicopters.  At some points one would be hovering as another filled its tank.  As soon as the first would leave, the next would take its spot.  My normally quiet canyon was very loud until it became too dark for the firefighters to fly.

I started tweeting fire events as soon as I got home.  The Orange County Register follows me and contacted me for a phone interview.  They also asked if I could email them some pictures which I did.  If you're interested you can read the newspaper article here.  I am quoted and they also gave me a photo credit.  It made me feel *special*.  (Except for the part where they outed my identity to all of Orange County and the entire rest of the world when this was supposed to be an anonymous blog!)

That part of it?  Not so special ....

Death by Fighter Jet

Did you hear the one about ...?

On Monday a Canadian man stole a Cessna airplane from a flight school in Canada and flew it into American airspace.  At the time I was on Twitter discussing important things such as Neil Kramer's love of cleavage and/or his desire to be a Mommy Blogger (I don't remember which) with people all over the world.  

Or perhaps it was only with Neil and one or two other bloggers.

What?  My life is important and has value!

Breaking News kept sending me alarming updates about the stolen aircraft and it's potential to bring doom and other bad things to the United States.  U.S. fighter jets pursued the Cessna and the news updates warned the plane might be shot down at any moment.  

Initially there were reports the Cessna was headed towards the Wisconsin state capitol.  I put an immediate Twitter alert out to my followers advising them the pilot obviously had issues with Wisconsin cheese and was about to take his revenge.  The Wisconsin state capitol building was evacuated as a precautionary matter which makes it clear the authorites agreed with me.

Everyone knows California cheese is best and all cows want to be California cows.  (The California Milk Advisory Board tells us so in commercials aired here in California all the time!)

The fighter jets attempted to communicate with the pilot of the Cessna to no avail. Certainly, he didn't want to discuss his deep-rooted Cheese Issues over the dispatch.

The pilot ended up flying through six states before he landed the plane in Missouri.  Upon landing the plane on U.S. Highway 60 at 9:50 p.m. ET, the thief/pilot walked to a nearby convenience store and bought himself a Gatorade.  He was quoted as saying he was relieved his ordeal was over.

I'm not sure, but I think he might have also bought himself some crackers and Missouri cheese (?) to snack on at the same time.

Does Missouri have cheese?  I mean, cheese of their own?  I have a lot of readers in Missouri so I know someone will enlighten me on Missouri cheese making, and perhaps even on Missouri cows.  (Missouri cows must have Cow Envy because all cows want to be Caifornia cows!)

Apparently the U.S. Military determined early on that the errant pilot was not a terrorist, but they were unclear as to his intentions.  Thus, they didn't shoot him out of the sky and instead "escorted" his flight in the event it became necessary to shoot him down after all.

I don't mean to make light of the unmistakable psychological problems of the Cessna pilot, but it's hard not to.  Once he was arrested, he acknowledged it had been his hope the F-16s would shoot him out of the air.  The Cessna theft was an attempt by the pilot for death by fighter jet.

Really?

Death by fighter jet?

Wouldn't it be much easier to swallow a bunch of pills in the privacy of your own home?  Or pull out Uncle Leroy's hunting rifle and just be done with it?  Who chooses a fighter jet to commit suicide by?

Maybe it's because I have an innate fear of flying, but why would anyone choose to be shot at when they're 30,000 feet above the ground?  That's a long, long, way to fall even if you're already dead.

There's got to be an easier way to go ....

© Twenty Four At Heart

Women Want Funny Men; Men Want Women

I get CNN articles delivered to my Google Reader.  Yesterday CNN had an article, Why Funny Guys Get the Babes, about women preferring funny men over boring ones.  Well, the article didn't call the non-funny men boring but let's face it, if you don't have a sense of humor you're a bore.

At least, to me.

Women apparently rated funny men as more intelligent and honest than non-funny men. Intelligence and honesty are qualities women find important in long term relationships as well as friendships.  Being funny takes intelligence.  Thus, funny men are more attractive, and more sought after by women than non-funny men.  That's the Twenty Four At Heart summary of the article in a nutshell.

Well, except for one thing.  Men, apparently, don't care if their women are funny.  Men only care that their women be women.  That's right, a woman just needs to have a vagina and a man is happy.

OK, so perhaps I'm paraphrasing a little ... but let's go with it.

The article said, "research suggests that men don't care much about women's sense of humor."  

Can I add ... "as long as she's got big tits and/or a tight ass."

As I mentioned a minute ago, I'm paraphrasing a little.

Men are also, according to the article, a little narcissistic.

"A man wants a woman who laughs at his jokes and is not too bothered if his girl isn't funny at all," the article said.

Would that be the infamous Male Ego rearing it's very big head?  

[Insert joke about big male heads <here>. ] 

Is it true that men don't care if a lump of a personality sits next to them as long as that lump laughs at their jokes?

The article did say when women are very funny, to the point of illiciting laughter (instead of just a smile or a chuckle I suppose), they are viewed as favorably as funny men are. But by whom?  By other women?  Or by men?  Or by both?

I know I, personally, have a high regard for both intelligence and a sense of humor. Both characteristics were mandatory for men I dated in my pre-Briefcase days.  When I look at the male friends who are important in my life, they all make me laugh.  However, the female friends I value the most are women with a great sense of humor also.

Life is short, I want friends I can laugh with.  Which is not to say, there's always a lot to laugh about.  When I look back at the worst parts of my accident recovery (days when I could barely inhale because the pain was so severe) there were people even then who could make me smile.  Isn't that how we get through the worst life has to offer?  By searching high and low to find the humor in our lives?

I'd like to hear from both men and women on this one.  How important is a sense of humor in a mate to you?  How about in your friendships?  Does gender really matter?  Is it true men don't care whether or not their women are funny?

© Twenty Four At Heart

Excuse Me While I Vomit

The comments you've left the last few days have been fantastic.  I'm sorry I haven't been able to get back individually to each one of you, but I've loved them!  What a great conversation we've got going on a very important topic.

I don't mean to overwhelm you with posts about the superficiality of Orange County, but it's difficult not to write about it this week.  I promise I'll mix in some other topics before the end of the week.

  

By the way, my sister called yesterday.  She lives in Colorado where natural beauty is prized more highly than it is here in Orange County.  She's about 5 years older than me. She hasn't had any cosmetic surgery.  In my opinion, she looks great.

We talked about my experience with the Cosmetic Dermatologist.  My sister told me about a cream she started using on her neck awhile back called Elastiderm.  Have you heard of it? She buys it through a dermatologist, but it's now available online.  It's not cheap, but it's a lot cheaper than plastic surgery.  She swears it's made a remarkable difference in her neck. I can't swear by it personally, but I thought I'd pass on the recommendation for those of you who are interested.  I might try it myself.  (If I do, I'll let you know what I think.)

Maybe it's a magical cream?

Moving on ....

I was reading the Orange County Register yesterday and I was completely, utterly, appalled by one of the local stories.  I found myself questioning why I live here.  Then I shut my eyes for a moment, thought about the beach, the ocean, and the mountains in my backyard.

The story was titled, Shoes Fit for a Queen, and it was written by a reporter named Candice Shih.  Do you know who Christian Louboutin is?  He's a famous shoe designer.  His shoes have a signature red leather sole and are worn by celebrities worldwide.  

Christian Louboutin visited Orange County recently to promote his exclusive line of shoes. To say Louboutin's shoes are expensive is an understatement.  He was specifically here to introduce his new limited edition shoe, the Marie Antoinette, which is priced at $6,295.

Here's a look at this $6,000+ ultra-extravagant shoe:

I don't know if it's possible to love shoes more than I do.  I have the potential to develop a serious shoe-aholic addiction.  I don't, however, find the Marie Antoinette even remotely attractive.

Not to mention, spending $6,782.86 with tax on one pair of shoes is one of the most wasteful things I can imagine.

Wake up Orange County, the world is in a serious recession!  Excessive consumption is grossly out of style.  Even if you aren't hurting financially, most people are.  Why not use your money to help someone in need instead of buying a pair of shoes you will only wear once in a great while, if at all?  (Louboutin shoes are not made for comfort!)  If you are too self-centered to think about other people, than at least realize you're making yourself look like an ass with your exorbitance. 

Christian Louboutin came and autographed the red soles of his shoes for women who clamored to buy them.  Only three pairs of the Marie Antoinette were available that day (all three sold), but Louboutin has plenty of other, pricey, styles to choose from.  Women were lining up to spend thousands of dollars on a single pair of shoes.

The most nauseating part of the article was reading about a woman who successfully begged her father to buy her a pair of the $6,295 Marie Antoinette's for her 25th birthday. Why did she think she needs them?  Who is she trying to impress?  And does she think having her daddy buy her $6,000+ shoes impresses anyone?  Why did her father buy them for her?  What in the hell was he thinking?

What's wrong with these people?

Someone Needs to Lock Up the Pervs and Throw Away the Keys

I'm pissed off.  I'm outraged.  I've had enough and I'm not going to take it anymore.

At the same time, I feel helpless to do anything.  How can I change a system that's broken?  Really, what can we do when we see a failing system of justice?

My daughter TR is in college and currently lives in an apartment with six other girls.  At the college she attends, the majority of students live off campus in apartments.  

TR called last Friday and she was upset.  She told me her landlord-to-be was arrested. He was arrested for hiding cameras in the apartments he rents. He was taking pictures and filming girls naked and/or having sex.  Charges are being pressed.  He's very wealthy.  He has lawyers up the gazoo to drag out the legal process.  In the end, everyone expects he will pay a fine and go right on "managing" the apartments he owns.

The Perv will walk away with a slap on the wrist.

In a rush of emotion, TR spilled out more and more details.  I went into "mother mode" and listened and reacted calmly, matter of factly.  TR is a lot like me (emotional) and she was outraged, insulted, and livid.  I was too, of course, but I tried to be a calming influence.

Stop laughing.  I can be a calming influence.  Sometimes.

Let me share with you The Perv's alleged background.  I learned a lot about The Perv last week.   The Perv apparently was a student in this same town a few decades ago.  Rumor has it, he and a friend sold drugs to other college students and made a fortune.  They dropped out of college and used their drug money to buy the majority of prime real estate in the college town.  They pretty much have a monopoly on all the "good" apartments. 

When TR and her roommates went to meet with The Perv about renting an apartment he informed them he "prefers" to rent to girls "because girls are less destructive than boys." TR and I thought nothing of his remark at the time.

Because, hello?  College boys? 

TR has signed a one year lease to rent from him, beginning this June, for the next school year.  Please don't suggest she find somewhere else to live - all the housing for next school year was booked by mid-January.

As I talked to her, TR brought forth other details she "hadn't wanted to worry" me with before.  She had heard rumors about The Perv being "a little sketchy" around the college girls.  She hadn't known if they were rumors or fact. 

I talked to her about checking all the bedrooms and bathrooms in the new apartment before she moves in for hidden cameras.  She informed me the recently discovered cameras were supposedly added later when The Perv came in and out to make "repairs" on various apartments.  

Apparently the local news stations have gotten wind of the story. The Perv is being publicly shamed.  TR, herself, is an editor of the university newspaper.  Trust me, there will not be a single female student unaware of The Perv and what he's done.

Which is not to say he won't do it again.

Although I did not say it out loud to TR, one thought keeps running through my head.

The Internet.

How much do you want to bet The Perv is not just getting off himself, but also making money by selling the pictures to porn sites?  For that matter, he might own a few porn sites of his own.  

Shudder.   

© Twenty Four At Heart

When The Rich Do Good

When I peruse the local newspaper I often cringe at the "high society" do-gooders.  Many of the Orange County rich attend charity balls and events.  To an outsider, such as myself, it often seems the primary purpose of these events is not to help others, but for the rich to pat themselves on the back.  The goal is often just to "be seen" at big charity events. 

Having their picture displayed in the newspaper as a do-gooder becomes a competitive thing among the rich.  It makes me a little nauseous to see the women in their $3,000 gowns attending a "ball" for the poor.  I realize a portion of the money raised does eventually find its way to charitable causes.  

A portion.  Eventually.

I was brought up by "salt of the earth" parents.  To me, helping others is something you do without fanfare or public recognition.  In fact, I pretty much have the attitude if anyone knows you are doing it, it doesn't count.  There's a line in the sand about caring about others for their sake, or doing it to pat yourself on the back.  It's my own personal hang-up, I guess.  It's an area of my life I'm very private about.

The Orange County Register had an article last Monday, however, about a Money Town family helping others.  I was very touched by what these people are doing with their wealth and I want to share their story with you.  Although the newspaper did write an article about it, I honestly believe these people are being wonderful human beings without concern about "getting credit" for it.

Gary and Julie Crisp (Money Town residents) hosted about 175 Marines from nearby Camp Pendleton for a Super Bowl party last weekend.  Some of these Marines are about to be deployed to Afghanistan.  According to the Register, the party included live music, specialty cigars with a Marine logo, and massages for the Marines.  

First of all, can you imagine having a home big enough to comfortably host 175 Marines? The Register quoted Lance Cpl. Mike Kirkland saying he was overwhelmed.  "I'm from a little town in Utah, and you don't see a house this big there," he said.  

This is the third year that The Crisps have hosted this bash.  They said they've been very blessed and wanted to give the Marines a party they would remember while at war.  I think they were successful. 

The Super Bowl was broadcast for the Marines on eight (8!) flat screen televisions.  The Marines went through 1,800 beers, 150 massages, 14,000 cokes, 1,000 pounds of ice, 200 hot dogs, hamburgers and steaks, and 500 specialty cigars.

In addition, NFL and USC football players were present to sign autographs.  The Crisps also gave away five electric guitars and five basses.  Each Marine will also receive a photo album and DVD with pictures from the ten hour party.

Ten hours with 175 Marines in their house.  Think about that folks.  The party began at 10:30 a.m.

One Marine was quoted (while in the Crisp's jacuzzi) saying, "If we weren't here we would just be sitting in some guy's room with the biggest television."

Cpl. Anna Owens said, "It is really special.  We volunteer our time and our family for the war, and we feel like we are appreciated."

Mr. and Mrs. Crisp ... you did good!

All information regarding the Crisp party was taken from the Annie Burris article in the February 2nd edition of the Orange County Register.

Black Friday

Orange County is divided. There is North Orange County and South Orange County. No one in North Orange County ever admits to living there. They will say, "I live near Disneyland," or "I live in Orange County," but they will never, ever, say, "I live in North Orange County."  It's just not verbalized, ever. There are some nice areas in North Orange County, but the North does not have the status or the sparkling image of the South.

Let's pause for a minute so that my North County readers can send me a few quick angry emails.  Okay, then ...

People who live in South Orange County are very outspoken about it.  The two areas are as different as night and day and no one living in South Orange County wants to be mistakenly connected to North Orange County.  South Orange County is more affluent and even those struggling financially here feel like they are a part of a richer lifestyle just by saying, "I might not be able to pay my bills but I live in South County."  South County is cleaner, less congested, the land of ritzy outdoor malls, and home to the uber rich and famous.

It's like a civil war, but slightly different.

The TV shows about Orange County are all based on South County.

South County is the land of materialism and superficiality.  Image matters.  The type of car you drive, the size of your home, all the materialistic stuff is taken into account when you meet a Money Town resident and get sized up.  I can't emphasize enough how important money and things are to the Money Town people who live here.  The South is the land of plastic. People live on their platinum plastic cards and people look plastic from all of their cosmetic surgery.

I am neither rich nor a celebrity.  I'm not the least bit plastic yet either.  (However, if my nipples ever touch my knees I WILL reconsider my decision to forego plastic surgery.)

I never tire of the humor I'm surrounded with.  Money Town people are flat-out funny. Their lifestyle is so insanely important to them, how can they not make you smile? 

TR and I went shopping on "Black Friday."  It's usually frenzied madness. Merchants offer sales and "deals" and normally rational people go berserk trying to save a buck.  I'm sure many of you heard that a Wal-Mart employee was trampled to death this year in New York when he unlocked the doors to open the store?

What could possibly be so important inside a Wal-Mart?  Discounted wrapping paper?

My entire life I've made a point to avoid shopping on Black Friday.  I'm an introvert at heart, I don't really enjoy shopping; crowds and long lines irritate me. God played a joke on me and gave me a daughter like TR.  She loves to shop and thrills at the excitement of Black Friday.  Last year she talked me into a 4 a.m. Black Friday shopping expedition. This year, we arrived a little later but we were still there participating with all the crazies. 

It was a cool 72 degrees this year.  (I turn my heater on when it hits 70, because brrrrr!) I've never seen so many girls wearing short shorts and/or very short skirts with Ugg boots.  Some of them also threw a scarf around their neck as if the weather was cold. They looked ... ridiculous.  Really?  What can they be thinking? Is this supposed to be sexy?  In contrast, I wore jeans, a t-shirt, and flip flops.  You know it's winter here when I'm wearing jeans instead of shorts.  

I'm always a fashion statement.  

At our first stop, a local mall, there were a lot of shoppers.  There were not a lot of people buying though.  It seemed like many people were purchasing only sale items, fewer items than years past, and "window shopping" which is not typical on Black Friday. Granted, I was not at an electronics store.  Maybe the huge plasma TVs were hopping off the shelves like they were last year, but I didn't see many people purchasing much.

The biggest shock came when we visited the Irvine Spectrum.  The Spectrum is a huge outdoor mall and on any given day it's packed.  Except it wasn't.  I've never seen the place so empty.  There wasn't even anyone on the ferris wheel.

I know it might seem strange to some of you that we have outdoor malls.  Stranger still that we have ferris wheels in the middle of them, but the weather here allows it.  There are also a lot of fountains at our outdoor malls and oftentimes there's a band playing too.

No, this is not Disneyland.  This is a mall on Black Friday.  Where are the crowds? 

We ended up stopping into several local malls over the weekend.  It did seem like the high end stores were still selling to the exceptionally rich.  A Louis Vuitton salesman told me he had sold a $110,000 purse.  A personal shopper made the purchase for her client. He joked about wishing he had that amount of money "to buy a few cars."  Overall, however, he reported business was slow.

Personally, I didn't buy much either.  I purchased each of my kids one pair of jeans and that was pretty much it.  I haven't been out at all this week due to being sick.  Maybe things have picked up?  I can't help wondering though, if it's this slow in affluent South County, what's it like in the rest of the country?  Or for that matter, in the rest of the world?  Is everyone waiting until the last minute to purchase gifts?  What's it like where you live?

Joe the Bigamist, Part III

I finally made it to the doc yesterday.  I'm now fully supplied with germ killing drugs and I'm sure I'll be just fine in a couple days.  I kid you not, he said I have pneumonia.  I don't have pneumonia, but he tells people that every time they get a bad cough.  Didn't I just say that in my post yesterday?  Geez ......  He's a hypochondriac doctor.  Really.

An overwhelming number of you said you wanted to hear continual updates on Joe the Bigamist.  I'm starting to think there will be no end of material from this guy unless he eventually lands in jail.  (Or if someone kills him for screwing around with their wife.)  If you are a new reader you can go back and read here (Part I) and here (Part II) to get caught up.

A reader asked me who is giving me my Joe information.  One of my friends has a close working/friendship relationship with Joe.  I've promised to keep certain details vague or undisclosed when I write in exchange for Joe stories.  Joe apparently doesn't mind as long as I keep him unidentifiable. 

Joe must think there are a lot of other bigamist's out there?  

I had no sooner finished writing Joe the Bigamist, Part II when I received more information about Joe.  I confronted my friend and said, "Are you sure Joe isn't just a pathological liar and making all of these stories up?"  I mean, it's entertaining either way, but I don't want to pass Joe's escapades on as truth if they're not.  My friend told me he used to think Joe was full of "tall tales" but over the time he's known Joe he's seen "a lot of facts to back up Joe's stories."

Some of you have commented that Joe's life is like a soap opera.  I'm not a soap watcher, but I'm sure you're right.  In fact, as I've mentioned before the producer of The Real Housewives of Orange County lives in Money Town.  I've suggested the idea of Mr. Producer televising Joe's escapades.  Mr. Producer and I have some mutual friends and I believe my suggestion will be passed on.  I don't know if it will result in anything, however.

I've lived in California my entire life. I can honestly say the extremely wealthy just are not like the rest of us.  Rules?  Rules are for other people. Boundaries?  Well, they don't apply either.  Societal norms that most of us take for granted, are often not a part of the thought process of the exceptionally wealthy.  Oh, I know there are some very nice billionaires out there.  I've just never met a single one of them.

It's also my personal opinion that Joe has a sexual addiction.  They very term implies an inability to discontinue behavior despite the negative consequences.  I think the definition pretty much sums up Joe, but I'm not a psychiatrist.

Joe likes to talk a lot.  Joe particularly likes to talk about himself and his "situation."  Joe sometimes calls my friend two or three times a day just to talk about himself.

Here's the latest.  Joe will not be prosecuted for bigamy because his second marriage was found not to be legal.  (There's a plethora of lawyers involved in Joes' life right now.)  He had a prenuptial agreement drawn up and went through with a marriage ceremony that Wife #2 thought was legal, but it wasn't.   

Wife #2 is coming after Joe for palimony (which is like alimony but awarded in long term relationships which are not marriages).  Wife #1 is divorcing Joe.  Joe is adamant about acquiring custody of the dogs he shared with Wife #1. It's nice to know Joe is capable of forming a real attachment to something, isn't it?    

Mistress is pregnant and she doesn't know if the child is Joe's or her husband's.  (Her husband is Angry Celebrity, remember?)  I imagine she'll have to get a DNA test to establish who the father of her unborn child is.  If Joe is the father, I would think she'll be set for life financially with the money Joe will have to pay to support her child in a lifestyle similar to his own.  Isn't that how it works?  I'm guessing here, but it seems like that would be the case. 

I may end up hearing a lot of Jim the Player stories too.   He sounds just as bad as Joe. In Joe the Bigamist, Part II I told you I knew of a woman swapping story between the two brothers.  I didn't share the story because quite honestly, I didn't think you'd even believe it.  I have a hard time believing a lot of this and I'm getting the information from a long time, trusted, friend.  

Nonetheless, the majority of you said you wanted to hear the story so here it is.  Jim the Player apparently had an affair with his pastor's wife.  Yes, he's Mr. Class himself.  It's nice to know Joe and Jim are so involved in their local church community.  Do you remember how Joe's Wife #1 and Wife #2 found out about each other at church?  I'm not sure if Joe and Jim go to the same church, but based on what I've heard of the story, I don't believe so.  In any case, Jim found Pastor's Wife to be very sexually adventurous and nicknamed her "The Kink-Monster." (Such a warm term of endearment!)

Jim the Player decided his brother "had to" experience The Kink-Monster for himself. She was at a church retreat in the woods.  Jim set up a meeting with her.  She snuck out to meet him one night but Joe the Bigamist met her instead of Jim the Player. She, apparently, never knew the difference. 

I've asked my friend to find out more about Joe and Jim's family.  Did they grow up wealthy?  I'm thinking they must have.  Do they have other siblings?  Are the siblings as narcissistic as the twins?  What was their family life like when they were young?  Are either of the brothers in therapy for sexual addiction?  Or for that matter, just therapy? I'll let you know when I hear more. 

Joe the Bigamist, Part II

In October I told you the story of a bigamist living here in Orange County.  Joe the Bigamist is an extremely wealthy man.  He married two women and they knew nothing about each other's existence for years.  The two wives lived in two separate multimillion dollar homes within a half mile of each other in Money Town. Recently Joe's wives found out about each other.

At the time I wrote about Joe the Bigamist, I promised to give you an update if any new information was forthcoming.  Do you remember how Joe the Bigamist was not only married to two women, but he was also having an affair?  

As it turns out, the woman he had the affair with is married.  Not only is Mistress married, but she is married to a celebrity. Celebrity Husband found out about the affair his wife had with Joe and threatened Joe with bodily harm.

Joe was outraged by the threat.  

Joe's been feeling a little stressed out lately.

Joe's two wives are angry with him.  His mistress is pissed off.  Celebrity Husband is hoping for an opportunity to dismember Joe.  Quite assuredly, beginning with Joe's actual member. (Personally, I think Celebrity Husband of Mistress would be doing society a favor by dis-member-ing Joe the Bigamist.)

Poor Joe, he's created a lot of strife, hasn't he?

Most recently Joe's legal woes have escalated once again.  Joe is a business owner.  Joe has employees.  Joe made unwelcome sexual advances to one of his female employees. Repeatedly. Female Employee is now suing him for sexual harassment.  

Ah ... but that's not all! 

Female Employee is married.  Female Employee is married to a convicted criminal who is currently not in jail.  Convicted Criminal is not happy with Joe the Bigamist.  Convicted Criminal is threatening Joe the Bigamist with bodily harm.  He may need to line up behind Celebrity Husband.  

I haven't met Joe the Bigamist personally but we have a mutual acquaintance.  I'm lobbying for an introduction at the minimum, and preferably an interview.  So far, I've been turned down.  

I'm told that Joe is "older than you might assume at first" and not overly attractive.  What do all these women see in Joe?  Money.  Insane amounts of money.  And presumably, the power of being with someone who is exceedingly wealthy.  Joe likes to brag about his wealth and his women.  He finds his own stories and escapades amusing.  I get the impression he thrives on the drama he creates.

Apparently Joe the Bigamist has been banned from one of the more prominent hotels in Las Vegas.  He got caught having sex with a stripper in one of the cabanas by the pool. Stripper was having sex with Joe in the cabana in broad daylight. They were ... ahem, very loud during their sexual escapades.  Joe thinks it's hysterical he's been banned from the hotel.

Joe has an identical twin brother.  Let's call him Jim.  Joe describes Jim as "a player." Joe does not consider himself one.  Isn't that pretty amusing?  Joe likes to recount stories of pulling the "old switcheroo" on women.  Yes, these brothers have slept with each other's women (including wives) on several occasions.  

The women have apparently not been able to tell the difference.  Does that mean both men are terrible in bed?  I would imagine men like Joe and Jim are all about themselves in the bedroom, wouldn't you?  Selfish assholes that they are.  (Oops - there went my interview!) 

I could recount one particularly horrific woman-swapping story for you ... but I honestly don't think you would even believe me if I told you.  I think it's hard enough to believe the generalities, let alone go into the details.  

Both of these men are man sluts with no boundaries or morals whatsoever.

Let's name all the prominent characters (so far) in this story:

Joe the Bigamist

Wife #1

Wife #2

Children of Wife #1

Mistress

Angry Celebrity Husband (of Mistress)

Female Employee

Angry Convicted Criminal (husband of Female Employee)

Stripper

Jim the Player (Joe's identical twin)

If there is more to come from Joe the Bigamist, do you want to hear it?  Or are you tired of hearing about him?  One thing's for sure, someone needs to give Joe a life sentence in unzipable pants.

Tis The Season

We will end the week tomorrow with an update on Joe the Bigamist.  I first told you his story in October and there have been further developments.  Check back tomorrow for the latest!

Thanksgiving is one week from today.  The days have been passing in a blur and I don't think I can keep denying the holidays are here.  The palm trees around here are covered with holiday lights.  Christmas wreaths hang in the stores.  Yes, the temperature has even dropped into the 80's.  It's so refreshing compared to the 90's we were experiencing just a week ago.  With hot temperatures, it's sometimes hard to remember the seasons have even changed.  My first tip was running into this guy the other day.

 

We don't have any relatives close by so the holidays are always very low key.  I know a lot of people wish they didn't have any relatives close by.  It always makes me feel a little sad though.  In my head I picture a house full of kind, warm, relatives all helping to cook and laughing joyfully.  In reality my mother in law would be throwing the carving knife at my head prior to dinner.  (Just kidding ...?)  In any case, it's always just Briefcase, myself, and our three kids.

(Sorry Briefcase, I know I promised your family would be off limits on this blog.  I didn't mention NAMES now, did I?  And I phrased it like a joke so all my readers totally think I was joking!)

I should point out a friend invited us to come over for Thanksgiving, but we actually enjoy the solitude when we finally acquire some family time.  The Torturer invited us over too, but hell no!  There's no way I'm getting Briefcase and The Torturer together on Thanksgiving.  The two of them drinking together?  It gives me ulcers to think of it. Besides, if I did that I'd never know when The Torturer might lean over and start yanking my arm behind my head or something like that.  (Talk about a holiday spoiler.)

TR arrives home from college next Tuesday.  I'm very excited to see her, of course.  I miss her for many reasons, but one of them is the simple fact that she's female.  I'm outnumbered three to one when she's gone.  It's nice to have someone here who doesn't take pleasure in farting and laughing like the boys do.  She also won't flip the TV remote to 300 different channels in 30 seconds or swagger around the house like a giant bear while belching.

No, with TR here there will be a flurry of cooking activities and girl talk in the kitchen. She's much more girly than I am.  I will, without a doubt, be dragged out for shopping trips too. Traditionally, Thanksgiving weekend is when we begin our Christmas shopping. I hate crowds and I hate shopping.  But, in the name of mother/daughter bonding I will go out and fight the crowds with a smile on my face.

I think the Money Town crowd will be interesting to watch this year.  Let's be honest here, the economy sucks.  People are struggling.  Even Money Town people are experiencing lay offs, foreclosures, and severe downturns in their portfolios.  Will they be spending less on holiday gifts like the rest of America?   Or will I witness something like I did last year when the Cat Lady bought a diamond collar for her pet?  I will be taking my camera with me this year.  I'm betting I'll still see some pretty frivolous Money Town spending.

Briefcase still has his job, but we are trying to cut holiday expenses just like everybody else.  What are you doing to cut holiday costs?  It doesn't matter if your holiday is Kwanzaa or Christmas or Hanukkah or something else entirely.  Are you making homemade gifts?  Cutting back on the amount spent?  Not sending out cards this year? I'd love to hear ideas you have for spending less.